Keep Trying To Quit

[Vicotram]

Hello all I been here for a few months and have stopped using up to 34 days in a row I keep using again to get rid of the depression I'm on day four again and feeling really down, I never had depression before and have done all the vitamins, aminos, eating healthy, exercise. I used trammys, vics, percs, for a few years now and I'm really not wanting to try an anti D. Can any one give me any advise, anything? I need help. At what point should I just start being happy again? The thought in my mind is I will never be happy again so just give in and use somthing that will make me happy. Thanks for any advise, prayer, chants, fingers crossed I'll take anything I can get at this point

[wannabefree330]

I think the psychological aspect of w/d is worse than the physical part.  Think of it this way:  a physical w/d symptom is vommiting, or diarrhea right?  Well, have 'diarrhea' of the mouth...let all your feelings and emotions out.  getting it out of our heads and talking about it with another addict is a major relief!  The depression doesn't seem to have as much power then.  And, in doing so, you find out what worked for others and realize it can also work for you.  Get angry!  Dont let fear run your life anymore.  Be pissed at the fact that a pill can have so much control over you.  Anger can be a great motivator.  Prove to yourself and this damn disease that you are above it.  talk talk talk...say whatever you are thinking.  There's a reason for it, you just don't know what that is.  What you say to someone else may help them, or another person who might overhear or read it.  Just get through today without using.

[fedup4now]

Boy can I relate - I have stopped drinking and using oxy - but can't get rid of the trams.  I have tried to stop but the depression was crazy - I always end up going back.  And the truth is, now the idea of quiting scares the hell out of me.  
For sleeping I have used valium etc, and it works - but pretty risky - I don't want another drug to get off of.  I know for depression they say physical activity really helps, getting out for a walk or a bike ride.
Hang on - just remember if you go back you have to go through this again.
Keep us posted on how you are doing.

[tuptup]

I'm in the same exact boat.  I'm to the point now where I'm afraid to quit; afraid to fail again.  But we have to keep on trying, I don't want to be a slave to these pills any longer and I remember a time not that long ago that I didn't even know what 'norco' was.  It took time for us to get hooked, it will probably take a long time for some of us to get off of the drug(s) we are using because it has completely changed and rewired our brains.  I sooo want to get off of norco, but everything I have tried so far has failed (longest was 3 weeks for me).  I am going to try what worried878 says about the 90 day target.  Problem I have is sleep, just can't seem to sleep at all even on week 2 and 3, it's very hard to function!  Sorry for the rambling, but you are not alone Vicotram, it is hard to get off of these pills, just have to keep trying to quit.

[worried878]

AA says 90 meetings in 90 days...there is logic behind this as 90 days is required for the receptors to heal to the point where your modd will improve significantly...many do not make it 90 days without relapse and this is the reason why...aftercare and time...supps and exercise...surround urself with things that make u feel good about urself...stay positive and do not ever take a step backward...if what u feel like doing feels like it is moving backward..dont...keep moving forward...give it 90 days this time?

[Vicotram]

Thanks to all above for the truth and encouragement

And thank you domino girl you are very inspiring I joined just after you and you are always here to help others thats awsome you also stayed cleen your time you are awsome Thanks for the kind words.

[dominosarah]

Hey Vicotram.....this is your domino girl!!!!  Im close to hitting 100 days here.  I have stayed soooooooo busy during this time.  I am a music addict so have relied on my music too.  I crank it up!!!  Identify what is bringing you down.  Face those head on as fear keeps us down.  Life is so much better not being a prisoner to those pills.  You can do this.  Stay on this forum and keep posting!!!!!  Stay strong              sara

[gizzy32]

well i did not abuse pills, cocaine was my DOC and i understand cravings, coke cravings can bring you to your knees. honestly, i was so afraid to use again, that helped so much. after my overdose i was in pain and the first month i did not want to wake up. i did not understand how i could function without using, but that is the lie of addiction. i think if you truly want this, which i know you do then you need to figure out why you use and what needs to be done to stay clean. do you have any N/A meetings in your area. although i only attended a few weeks, that is where i learned i was not alone. for me this place has WORKED. it's here day and night and getting support is crucial. how did i get through the first few month??? i fought harder than i have ever fought for anyting in my life, that is the truth, it was not easy, but i promise you it gets better. to be drug free is a gift, but it's a battle to get there. keep posting buddy, we have faith in ya.

[Vicotram]

Hey, what did you do to get over the 1 - 3 months did it go away all together?

[gizzy32]

addiction really is powerful and it seems that it just sits and waits for a moment of weakness to make you break. you said you used a few years and it is proven that over time we damage receptors in our brain from our use. it does take time to heal and whenever i quit, i battled some severe depression. we are all different, but getting through that first month is crucial and statistcally if you can stay clean 3 months your chances double at staying that way. cravings are just a part of addiction and i accept that now, i can not make them go away, but i learned how to manage them and recognize my triggers. i don't know if i answered your question, but the bottom line is your the only one that is in control if you use or not. you will be happy again man, but not with these damn pills in your life. you can do this, dig deep and get support:) good luck

[kweenofharts]

I am in the same boat! :-(  It is such a terrible feeling to keep going back.  I know that I joined a church and that has helped because I have gotten a lot of my strength through the Lord, even the strength to come back to this board and desire to quit.

[wannabefree330]

I'm sorry you are so down.  Obviously what you've been doing to treat your depression is NOT working.  You have to be willing to try something new, like an AD.  Most of them take about 2 weeks to reach their full effectiveness so give it a shot.  Try it for a month, and if it doesn't help, well at least you exhausted all options.  Another avenue to go down is aftercare.  What meetings are you attending?  Try AA/NA until you find one that suits YOUR needs.  it's going to take a bit of effort on your part, but can really help you w/relaps AND the depression.  If meetings aren't your cup of tea, get into some counseling.  Explore why you are having these feelings and what you can change to feel better.