Urgent -- Husband Has Disappeared !!!!!!!!!!!

[DeltaRedd1984]

My husband has not been seen or heard from since September 24, 2009.  He has a cell phone in his possession but refuses to answer calls from anyone including his parents. We tried texting him to find out if he is OK but he refuses to respond to anyone's text message.  He is a crack/meth addict.


Facts:

1) My husband and I were married for 11.5 years and never did anything remotely
    like this although we are currently separated, we still maintain contact.  He is
    living with
    his parents.
2) His parents claim he has never done this before
3) My husband has $2500 in cash on him prior to disappearing.  
4) My husband is 44 years old

Questions:

1) Is this normal behavior for a crack/meth addict?
2) When should the family report him missing to the police department?

[Holliee]

Glad to hear that you are getting your self help that is very good for you. Your husband is plain wrong and he prob don't want to admit it. I wish you only the best and hope great things happen for you. As for him I hope he gets help needs but as long as his parents enable him he will get NO HELP. How did he get in jail? Well have a good day and God Bless.
Hollie

[DeltaRedd1984]

That you all for your concern and supporting words.  I attend Al-Anon daily and have a sponsor and contact numbers of group members.  I am currently working on my recovery program. Now that my husband is in jail, I can rest at night and in the day.  I kicked him out of our home in April and he moved in with his enabling parents.  In the day when I was at work, he would sneak over to our home and steal anything outside that he though he could get a dollar for.  We have a beautiful pond that was once stocked with butterfly and regular Koi weighting about 10-15 pound each, he stole all of them except the 4 biggest ones.  He was afraid to break in because he knew that I had installed a burglar alarm.  

Folks, I believe, that my husband is constitutionally unable to be honest about his drug addiction. He called me last night and I accepted the phone call on my cell phone. They charged me $9.99 for a 20 minute call that lasted less than 10 minutes. My husband wanted me to know that he was sorry for "messing up my life" but when I told him that my life would be OK and that his life was in a mess, he disagreed. He sees nothing wrong with being arrested or in jail at 44 years of age. By the way he talked to me last night, you would think he was on an ocean cruise.

The last time my husband served time in jail was for a business burglary charge that happen 11.5 years ago. I believe that my husband is permanently emotional and mentally damaged due to drug abuse.

Thank you for responding, this forum has been a big help to me.

[avisg]

Yes I agree dont bail him out and find an alanon meeting you cango to asap .You dont want to enable his usage the people at  alanon cane explain this to you ..
good lick

[leeisgettingclean]

sorry for the bad news but thank God it wasnt worse!!!!!!

[LostButterfly]

yes, he is safe. finally. now, hopefully u haven't already--- resist the temptation to bail him out!!!
He might beg & plead for you to bail him out but don't!! he might hate u right now for it & say all sorts of mean things, but leave him there! they will hopefully get him some help. Or at least he will be forced to be clean! he made his bed, he needs to lie in it & sober up to these demons of addiction & when it slaps u straight in the face like that, u can't run from it & are forced to deal with it. he's been running from help, now he can't run anymore.
I know someone who was an alcoholic, almost lost his family. He went to jail for DUI a couple times. Wife bailed him out each time. Finally she realized that it wasn't helping, so the last time he went to jail for DUI, she left him there & told him that he needed to sober up. Once sober he needed to choose, boose or his family. After being there for i think a few days, he chose family & i'm sure it was still a rough road, but he sobered up & straightened up....
Today... that man that was in that jail cell -- I call him DAD. And he is the best dad in the world, truely. Kindest, sweetest, most helpful man i know. Only really old friends even know what happened back then. I was only like 1-2yrs old if that when it was goin on. But he beat it, and he drank a few times during occasions when i was younger, never drunk. But hasn't drank in probably like 15-20yrs or something.
(wierd, he had an addiction... and i'm trying to beat mine now. but it happens like that)

So, be strong, talk to a counseler or pastor yourself & things will get better!
Good luck!!!

[Holliee]

Hello
I have thought of you many times last week or so and I am glad to hear that at least he is alive and you know where he is. I hope this is his rock bottom but the rest a very right what are you doing for you honey. You need care about him and it to worry but you also need put you and kids first and whats best for them. Pls Keep us posted and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me anytime. Take care and God Bless you and yours.
HOllie

[chopper841]

I agree I have been checking the last few days hoping and praying for the best.  It's a relief that he is not on the street.  God Bless you and your family!

[dominosarah]

Thank heavens he is safe now.  Hopefully this is his bottom and he will get some help now.  Make sure you are taking care of yourself thru all of this.  You are whats important.  Keep us posted           sara

[avisg]

IBK is right this may end up being his hisrock bottom.MYconcern what are you doing for you. i am ussuming is ussing money for the household to support his habit.If you have kids they are suffering as well alnon meetings for you would be a really good idea.Also your health.
He is going away for days at a time where you do know what he is doing or who he is doing it with. A check up from a doctor would be a really good idea plz tell your doctor about his using .I know you love him but you have to love to as well and he has to want to get clean :)

[IBKleen]

Hi Hun,

I have been following your story since you came on.

I just breathed a sigh of relief. Crazy as this sounds, he is in a good place. If nothing else he cannot use (hopefully) while he is there. This may just be his bottom or the beginning of it. It took me going to jail for the 4th time for me to stop using and begin my recovery.

I would not worry too much about his withdrawal. Crack is a mental withdrawal, not a physical one. Also, since they are now aware of his history of drug abuse they will be watching him.

I don't know how it works in your state but I pray that they get him help and get him into long-term treatment.

I have been thinking of you for the last few days and praying for you and your family. Thank you so much for letting us know what is going on.

Please be good to yourself and be thankful that they got him before he harmed himself either on purpose or be accident.

Please keep in touch and let us know what is going on. Anytime you have any questions, feel free to ask away.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

[DeltaRedd1984]

Just wanted to let everyone here know that my husband who was missing for several weeks is now in the county jail for business burglary.  He called me this morning around 3:00 am to let me know that he was being arrested.  I guess now, he will have to kick the crack and meth cold turkey.  This jail does not allow inmates to spoke cigarettes.  I hope his body can survive the shock.

[Some_life1976]

Please dont give up on him just !! hid addicition has a death grip on him right now give him time sooner or later he will have a moment of clarity and reallize whats hes done and reach out for help just keep praying and keep us posted

[Holliee]

I understand where your coming from there were some many times I wanted to give up on my sis and all times she said I'm done want never do again and then she did, I let all go in one ear and out other. We can only take so much. Stay strong worry about him but also take care of your self.

[BrooklynBoy8148]

Same here, hope everything works out for the best!

[LostButterfly]

Don't totally give up, have some hope, but i do understand that its draining.
1 thing that u can't do, is make up his mind for him. He has to be ready to quit & go to rehab & maybe he hasn't gotten that far yet. Only he can make that decision & when he is ready. I think deep down inside he knows he needs to go  & probably wants to, but he hasn't gotten up the strength yet to get to that point/ I know i haven't yet, i still have not gone to rehab or been fully clean. But its a big step when u are no longer in denial & know u need help.

He has ran from from all the people he has hurt, but on the same token, he has ran from the same people who are so urgently wanting to help him. I just hope that somehow some way he opens his eyes & makes the right choice to go home & get help. It makes it awfully hard for you to help him when he has ran away & now given up all communications. But just try to ride this out, not too much else you can do now except when u hear from him to try to be comforting & soothing & understanding.
Tell him, that he knows he needs help just like you do, but if he's not ready to go to rehab just yet, then thats ok, just come home! And you will work thru it there. At least he will be home & safe & you can try to get thru this & be patient with him while he tries to get himself in rehab. It may take awhile.

I pray for him & you & your family,
Keep us posted

[DeltaRedd1984]

I guess he sold his cell phone.  Now when you call it, it goes directly to voice mail.  My husband called the phone number to get help but refused to answer his cell phone when the counselor contacted him the next day to come and get him to go into treatment.  I guess, he is still not ready to go.  I give up.  I have tried but he perfers to live the life he is currently leading.  All I can do now is pray that the God of my understanding will ease his pain.  

Thanks for allowing me a place to share and vent my frustration about this terrible disease.  May God bless each and everyone here.  

[Greatgreebo]

I'm glad you heard from him. He is probably exhausted and needing some help. You did the right thing by texting him the phone number of the guy who can help. Hang in there and keep us posted.
Remember to take care of yourself too. I just wanted to let you know there are a lot of people here who care about you. Keep posting and let us know how you and he are doing. We'll get you through this and God willing, you will help him get through this.
Stay Strong,
Greebs

[Holliee]

Hello I just read the post you wrote about you texting him and saying that here number that can help and that you lovehim. Your truly a good woman and maybe that is just what he needs. I know on the last binder that my sis went on she finally called us after 2 days and was crying and so very lost and in trouble. She had spent her whole 2 week check and had nothing to show nor did she pay her fine that was due in amount of 325.00. Our dad started fussing and she got even worse, I got on the other line and said honey where are you and I'll be there I love you. She told me AND I was on my way to get her about 20mins from house. Now I to was very mad but I could hear something in her voice now she is also a manic depressive bad, I just got a feeling if I didn;t go get her I may never see her again. Well I got her she looked like death, she smelled awful been up 2 days, no fluid in her. Stopped store went in got her a drink and some crackers when I come back out she was crying and I got in car and she reached over and hugged me and said thank u more than u know. Well that was last time she ever did crack and few months after she told me that the night I came and got her and didn't fuss I saved her life that she was at point of no return and ready leave the world thought everyone HATED HER AND DIDN'T WANT HER AROUND. She has been sober off crack over year!!!

[LostButterfly]

thats good. lets hope he reaches out.
it is a harsh reality of the possibilities of what he may be capable of, but its reality. I'm sure all addicts have had down points where u just don't know what to do & thoughts of ending your own life have ran thru your head, at least for me i've been there. Just due to the stresses & all the **** we've gotten ourselves into. Disappointment, shame, guilt, depression, worthlessness, etc... Its hard to see that we could ever get ourselves better.(i have not seeked rehab help myself yet, but at least i am no longer in denial, & know i need help)
Just keep trying, don't give up on him. And keep letting him know how much u care, that he has a purpose in this world, that you need him, and not sure if u have kids- but if so-stress that they really need him! And grand-babies etc... Let him know that this set-back is not a failure!! It is only a *set-back* and that he has plenty of life left to live & make it worth it! That he can start new & fresh!

Just keep trying!
Good Luck to you & your/his family!

[DeltaRedd1984]

I just read what you said and tears came to my eyes.  After I read your post, I text message him a phone number he could call for help.  I told him that the man at the other end of the line would come and help him.  In the message, I told him that his life has meaning and value, that I loved him.  I am praying so hard that he calls the phone number gets the help he needs.

[LostButterfly]

next time someone talks to him, they need to convince him to come home or at least meet up with a family member... maybe he needs money? or something that would be enticing to him that he would want to meet. once u meet, u gotta try to get him help or something!!
it sounds to me that he is at the end of his rope & is very possible that he's gonna keep using til he overdoses, or try to end his life. Not to be harsh, but its reality of an addict who can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. He needs help! He may hurt himself! And u said he called his mom & already sold his SUV & said the only thing he hasn't lost yet was his life... well he very well may be thinking of taking that away too! Try to help him, I know its hard & u have no idea how, but gotta keep trying!!

Good luck!!

[Some_life1976]

I am so happy someone has heard from him. your right all you can do now is pray and hope he calls for help soon my thoughts are with you

[dominosarah]

I am so glad that he called his mother.  I hope he finds his way......Please take care of yourself.          sara

[DeltaRedd1984]

He finally called his mother last night and told her that he was beyond help.  He sold his SUV and told her that the only thing he has not lost yet was his life.  We are all very frighten for him.  The way I see it, he is either going to get on his knees and ask the God of his understanding for help or he is going to continue down the road that he is currently traveling.  My only thoughts today are how deep does his rabbit hold go.  He has a phone number to call if he wants help. All I can do now is to pray for him that he will be relived from his pain and suffering.