Should my mom press charges

[Icka]

My boyfriends morphine addiction led him to stal not only my credit card but my mothers as well. My mom filed a police repost and is pressing charges. It has been over 2 weeks since I found all this out and since then he has been trying to make things right. He went back to work and has been paying us back. But my parents what me to stay away from him. I think this is the main reason my mom is pressing charges. I don't know what his son and I would do if he went to jail for a long period of time. I Love him and want him to have a fair chance to prove that he can do this and make everything right. Any advice?

[BlotOutTheSun]

does he want to quit his habit? when your addicted you use every source of money you can get your hands on to supply this expensive habit, if he doesnt want to quit maybe her pressing charges will wake him up, either way he needs to kick the habit, maybe someone else can help you further, hope everything goes alright!

[Stacy79]

I think I agree with you.  Is this the only time he's done something like this, or has it been repeated?

[roxmom]

You are right, they are probably pressing charges to keep you away from him, or better yet, keep him away from you. They probably think that if they proceed with the charges, he will get angry and stay away or go to jail. Considering the extent of the crime, if has not been in any prior  offenses, more than likely, they will put him on probation and maybe get him into some type of counseling. Since he is already starting to pay back, that will look great for him in court. Hope things get better for you, it may be a good thing for him, as it may be a big eye opener for him to stop the stealing for his abuse!

[addictedme]

Going back to work and paying the money back is a step in the right direction but it doesnt mean that hes admitted a problem only that hes going to pay the money back. What assurances do they have?I think it would mean more to them if they saw him getting help and making an honest effort to change. Not only that but if your parents do press charges the court will look on him more favorablly if they know hes getting help,,,gl

[Icka]

He is trying to stay clean, or has since he got busted and lost everything. This is the first time that he has done this but he charged over 1,000 dollars. I'm not sure right now if jail will be the best thing for him. I think he is doing really well right now trying to get his life back together. He feels really bad that he got so messed up on drugs and that they took control of his life and screwed everything up so badly. I think if he knows he will go to jail he will lose all faith in himself. And as far as them doing it to keep us away from each other that is unfair and will just result in my wasting a year of my life waiting on him! Maybe if they would just give him probation it wouldn't be so bad but isen't that considerd a felony? Im not sure the laws really.

[PromisedLand]

How old are you and how old is he?  Personally, if we were the victims of such a thing (with one of our daughters involved) we would press charges.  This is a serious crime and addiction is such that we'll tell anybody anything they want to hear.

I might give him the option of proving himself, but he'd have to stay away from our house for a while..."get yourself clean and then we'll talk

Jim

[Icka]

I just turned 25 and he is 24. He moved out of my house once I found out about the addiction and he is trying to get clean. and is not allowed to come back to live for a long long time. Being that I am not a child anymore as a parent would you still oress charges?

[oxygirl487]

did he get cash advances?im just curious because with my credit cards u have to have a pin number to get cash advances....they were the only thing i wanted when i was an addict....im sure he just didnt go on a shopping spree....i know this doesnt answer your question im just curious.....

[Icka]

He traded gas for cash. I guess he knew a lot of people that needed gas and gave him money for it. Errr makes me mad just to think about it. He said he was messed up and didn't realize what he was doing but managed to go to like 15 gas stations.

[avisg]

to be honset if you were my daughter and your boyfriend stole from me i would press charges .....I am an addict , sometimes to get better you have to hit rock bottom

[Icka]

I value your honesty. Maybe it is the best thing, but he is doing really well now and I think realizing how much he messed up and what all he lost was enough to wake him up I really don't think Jail will help at all just put him behind in trying to make things right!

[PromisedLand]

Yes, I would still press charges. I'm not going to have someone living in my house who steals from me or my daughter.  Anyone dating/living with her had better have better respect for her and her mother and I, or out they go.


Jim

[Icka]

Ok I may be shooting in the dark hear because I feel if I can change your mind I may have a shot with my parents. Lol please don'k take anything offensivly. I own my own house in which I pay all my bills and my house payments. I am 25 years old, and have custody and am raising a child that is not mine. I am also a teacher and teach 2nd grade. I have made or tried to make good decisions in my life, buy I can not help who I fall in love with. I think that he is doing a lot better and he is trying to make things right. I think everyone should get a chance to change. He is no longer living in my house, but I still don't think it would be in anyones best interest for him to go to jail. Did that change your mind any??? =)

Jess

[PromisedLand]

Here's the way I see it (and you should be very proud of yourself for your accomplishments)...God grants us forgiveness for our sins.  But, that doesn't mean we escape the consequences.

If he could prove to me that he is making progress with his addiction, is treating my daughter and child well and we (he and I) sat down and had a long talk about
how he's going to pay us back, I'd consider not filing charges.  But..I'd need to be convinced he's working HARD at getting clean.  I'd sit down with him and work out a plan to pay us back.

This, I'd be doing for my daughter and grandaughter (and him)


Jim

[oxygirl487]

sweetie u remind me so much of myself its not even funny....u asked the question "should my mom press charges?"   right?  bear gave u his honest opinion and u kinda got a little defensive....i always felt like i needed someone to tell me what to do and u seem the same way please dont get offended by this u sem like such a good person......but everyone on here is only gonna give u their opinion and no one is gonna just come right out and tell u what u need to do.....only u can figure that one out.....i know u love him and it seems like u have a good head on your shoulders and a very bright future ahead of u and btw kudo's for being there and raising his son....takes a really good person to do that....hope i dont offend u....love ya....god bless

[roxmom]

As I work as a paralegal in a criminal law firm, I truly believe that yes, if it was over $1,000 it would be considered a felony, but ONLY if he is convicted! If he is found guilty, either by jury or by a plea, ans to tell you the truth, the DA, almost always, will offer a plea, and if he pleads guilty, and considering his first time offense, they will give probation, which is good, because he will probably get drug tested too! They will get him into treatment if he still uses. Considering that the stealing  was for his own drug use, the DA will consider either a drug court program or intense supervised probation, which can do no harm but good for him. If he complies with his probation, maybe your parents will reconsider the fact that they want you to stay away from him. HIs good faith in paying them back, plays a big role in the court system. And if your parents are accepting the payments, its even better! Because that will be an important issue in court. Good Luck sweetie, if you have any other questions, please ask! {{hugs}}

[Icka]

See at first you were I am totally pressing charges, and now I think you might be breaking a little bit. There is still hope that my parents! I thnak you so much for your advice and for the practice round on what I should state to my parents. I will also suggest for us all to sit and talk like you metiond but my dad thinks he needs to settel everything with his fists so I don't know how well that will go! Thank you again

[Icka]

I was not taking offens to anything bear said nor did I to what you say. I think things sound diffret when you type then in your head. I do think I want someone to just tell me what to do and then I am not going to listen. lol That is just me I guess I want to hear it and I take everything into consideration but I think my mind is made up and I really don't know. Oxy I am just so confused and hurt and mad I just need some un biase people to talk to

[Givitup]

That is a very painful feeling when someone you love steals from you and your parents.  My ex-husband was an addict and at the end, he started doing the same thing, stealing credit cards, things from the house.   He too would say he was messed up and blah, blah, blah.  Bottom line is, he knew what he was doing was wrong.    My husband at the time swore he was done but I feel very strongly about this, unless your boyfriends in involved in 12 steps meeting, has a sponsor and is working a program, he will return to his drug of choice.  You think they have seen the light and they would never repeat that bad behavior but many do.  I know it is hard to think of him in jail but it might be the very thing that really turns him around.  We don't know what is best for them.  I used to feel the same way and today, my ex is serving a four year sentence I am glad because he has a chance to get better. I doubt your boyfriend would serve any time at all for a first offense.    Since you are not married, to him, please think hard and long if this is something you feel you want to deal with.  Dealing with an addict can be incredibly painful. I loved my husband but could not live with his addiciton any longer.  And believe me when I say I tried EVERYTHING.  I believe in his own way he loved me with all his heart but addiction is power and stong or "Cunning, Baffeling and Powerful".  

[Icka]

You know if I knew that all that would happen was him get some sort of treatment and probation I would say go for it. But what happends if they lock him up for a year? Then what? He is doing good right now really well actually and I just want this to get all better and how can he fix things if he is locked up.

[Icka]

I am so afraid what you say is true and I don't want to believe it at the same time. I want to believe he realized what drugs have taken from him and that he could get better. We don't have NA anywhere close and cannot afford any rehab so what am I or rather what is HE suppose to do? I know we are not married and maybe this would be a good thing for me to get out of and try not to deal with, but I have custody of his son and so he will always be in my life, and I love him and love his son and want things to work out for all of us.

[oxygirl487]

im sorry when i read my post i though god i sound like an *******...i didnt mean it that way.....but i know how u feel im the same way......i think u already know in your heart what u wanna do.....if i were u id bethinking "well i cant keep him away from his child"etc.....u r in a tuff spot with your mom and all too.....your dad sounds like my brother kick *** first ask questions later lol......im sorry if i offended u i so didnt mean that the way it sounded or read  lol.....again i so apologize..i've never told anyone this on here but when my hubby and i first got married he cheated on me...and even though i knew in my heart i was gonna take him back i still asked everyone what should i do? i dont know why i did that maybe i needed someone to validate my decision...but no one did lol....just made them hate him for a long time lol.......but we got thru it and now my parents treat him like he is their son......forgiveness is key i guess and if u stay with him and he stays clean eventally they will forgive him but e has alot of proving himself to do   he can ask my hubby bout that one  lol    love u girl hope this helps....again im sorry......

[Mr_Pants]

I am a former prosecutor and I think I can make this moment a little easier for you.  First of all, its not up to you or your mom to "press charges".  Once the matter has been reported, its up to the authorities to push the case forward it not.  As a courtesy, the DA will ask for your mom's opinion, but the decision is theirs, not your mothers.  But just as importantly, is the fact that the crime involved a low dollar amount and no violence.  The DA's office will be more than happy to offer your boyfriend a drug treatment program as part of his plea bargain.  If he completes the program, the matter will pretty much go away.  In a crazy sort of way, this arrest might be the best thing that could happen to the guy.  It might shake him up a little and give him the nudge he needs to get off the drugs.  Best to you and God bless.

[Givitup]

I really do understand you fears. I truely have been there. I was terrified to be without my husband and was terrified to be without his financial suppport.   In the end, jail was the best thing for him.    Your boyfriend can go to AA meeting which are the same thing.  Putting down a drug or alcoholc is just the beginning.  They say, it is only the symptom and not what the real problem is.  I know you love him, I just hope you will try to be aware of this and what it  can mean for you.   The last two years of my marriage where hell and I cried a river.  I would just hate to see anyone go through this.  Not saying you will, just be smart and keep your eyes open.  If you can, try to go to an Alanon meeting.   This disease is serious and can be devastating.  As for jail, "you" cannot predict what is the best road for him and his journey.  You need to try to focus on yourself and you sanity.  I know this is hard to really get but YOU cannot help HIM the way you think you can.    He will either get better and chose a better road or he won't.  It will have nothing to do with what you do or don't do.