I've been pondering that statement much (and everybody else's input, thank you :-) and currently thinking that there could be much more truth to it that what I currently understand regarding my pscyhe.
I seem to self-sabotage quite a bit, often worrying about what may or may not happen. As an example, it may be late in the evening and I'm feeling good and then the thought of eating something appears in my mind. I immediately think that I shouldn't eat anything since its late at night and about how I may feel in the morning if i eat something just before bed, that I also don't need the calories, etc. etc. but then I go ahead and chow down just to feel bad about it later.
With all that being said, those thoughts of the possible effects of a behavior cause me a sense of angst and worry...and those thoughts about what might happen if I engage perhaps create a need to then engage in that behavior of which I am worrying about in some sort of attempt to control it, I dunno exactly...but this is somewhat common on other activities too, such as eating, drinking caffeinated beverages, shopping and perhaps also in other ways not coming to mind right now. In short, i often myself being compelled to engage in behaviors that I know that aren't in my best interest but do them anyway!
I've have always been an uptight and anxious person and perhaps the overt self-destructive type behaviors is an attempt to 'bring-out' the repressed inner tension/angst into my conscious so that i can somehow better control it....I dunno, but thanks for your input and it certainly has stirred up some new stuff to consider for healing purposes!
Any input as to what this type of behavior might be all about and how to better manage it would be appreciated it along with any other input.
Thanks again
-Vic
Yes, very possible that I am addicted to anxiety as I have history of constantly looking for ways to recreate more in my life> I sure can sabotage a pleasant moment with a negative action or thought. Even my sex drive is anxiety being re-created into a sexual act. We'' leave it at that. Yes, good catch on that observation.
I had tried cold turkey twice, the last time I went from 2 tabs to zero and after 24 hours the anxiety was so unbelievably intense that I was yelling out in 'mad' rants from the severe discomfort, eventually caved in within the 26th hour. Sorry, but I won't revisit that scenario.
Worried, I just penciled in a new plan enabling me to cut back 1/2 tab over the next week getting me back to 1 tab a day by 5/18 (Sunday of next week) . Once stabilized back to 1 tab then the real work will begin to get me clean. Not sure of the details at this point will keep you'all posted.
But yeah, maybe being addicted to anxiety is what has kept me hanging on this long, need to take a deeper look art that possibility!
Thanks for all the great info and advice!
I am still taking a fairly high dose per day - I have tried to cut back before, my anxiety was bad, but the depression was so dark, it terrified me - I have c/t from oxy - it was horrible, but I was able to do it. I just cut back a bit on tram - not even enough to have any physical symptoms - but the depression scared the hell out of me.
I am not sure what I will do - I wish I had never heard of this damn drug!
Perhaps you are causing yourself more anxiety by remaining on such a low dose per day.
Just enough to keep you in a constant state of w/d, I would think.
I would just suuck it up and go c/t at this point.
Tough out a week or so and just be DONE.
I think the 1.5 will more likely go up than down.
Don't be afraid of this last step.
You can do it.
Getting down to 1.5 pills is a big step....and not a high dose but sounds as tho it is not ur goal...and always the chance u may creep back up if u keep taking them...tapering 1/2 a pill a week when u r ready should be painless but the anxiety issue may still be there...have u talked with ur doctor about it? trams are not really designed for anxiety and perhaps something non-addictive may work for it...good luck
i had tapered down to 1 tab a day for about 3 months and have slowly edged back up to about 1 1/2 tabs per day or 75 mg. Been cheating for about 3 weeks and i can see that I'm now addicted to 1 1/2 tabs per day, and now...anything less than that and I get wd's. The 1 tab per day dosage is now history and now have to start over to just get back to where i was 3 weeks ago. This really sucks! I had tapered down from 12 tabs per day to just 1 starting in 11/07.
The problem is that I obviously love the drug...more so than my desire to go Tram-Free. Don't know what to do now...other than not allowing myself to go higher than 1 1/2 tabs per day until i'm ready to back it down again. I've always had anxiety issues and when I try to cut back the anxiety makes me feel as if I'm going to jump out of my skin. Any anxiety is quickly relieved by the Tramadol much more to my "enjoyment" than the Klonopin...I have a PROBLEM here Houston!
You've got a plan and you're staying on track...good job..it's hard!!!
YOU CAN DO THIS>>>>>>
just stick to your plan.... i am in the tapering process as well and it can be really hard because you know you still have the drugs at your immediate disposal... it takes a lot of strength, but stick to it and we can do it. :)
Sounds like u have a plan and are sticking to it...gosh...until I got on this forum I never had any idea about trams being so addictive...I had taken them before but never felt anything from them...I almost switched to those when I quit lortab for pain but did not....scary...keep posting
i had a kolopin script when i was shot , i guess to deal with anxiety? they are tricky lil devils, had to stop quick cuz i could feel em in the med cabinet. so i just wanted to say congrads, and keep up the good work!!