Time to reach out

[Lupi75]

Hi I'm a 39 year old single mother of two. I've been taking more than 5, less than 10-7.5 Vicodin for every day (give or take ) for about 13 years. I've tried to quit cold turkey several times but around day 3 I always cave and end up right where I started. I really want to quit, I have for YEARS! I remember saying" I need to quit, I can't bring this **** into my 30's" and here I am, about to turn 40 this year, still at square one. I did go to inpatient rehab in 2012 and was clean for about 4 months but relapsed. No follow up aftercare will do that to ya every time!
I took my last pill Monday and made it all the way till today (72 hours) and caved and took one. I literally felt like my insides were burning. I was at work ( I clean houses , pretty physically demanding ) and I was sooo physically ( and mentally) weak I couldn't stand it.
I think because I've been on theses things for so long, my brain is fried. I think it will take years for me to feel normal whatever that is cause I was 27 when I got hooked and I don't even remember who or what I was before the addiction. <- that's the fear! Right there! That's one of many fears I have that have keeps me sick ..never feeling normal again.
I've never tried a taper but tomorrow I'm gonna start taking 3 pills, 3 times and day for 2 weeks and then 2 pills for 2 weeks in then 1 pill cut in 1/2 for 2 weeks then jump. I' know I will still feel some withdrawl symptoms but I will treat them with OTC's , hot baths etc. I just can stop all at once, every time it drives me right back , full force. I also know I need to get on the horn and set up some out patient therapy . So please someone hold me to that!!  By Monday morning I need to have an appointment set up!!!  Anyways, reading these boards helps the most  and I will post and keep everybody updated on my progress  . Thank you

[BearsFan1966]

It is really good to keep busy! Helps so much! I know I still have that problem no energy no motivation but I know it will come back one day! xoxo

[mlajl]

It does feel good.. Denile did the same to me.. I'm not the creepy addict walking down the street having lost everything.. I'm not that person.. when u realize u are, it's like u just got shot in the face.. the surprise and holy cow smacks u hard.. but again.. those who sin much love much.. I notice people on this site HAS A LOT OF LOVE TO GIVE!  the compassion I've received almost makes me feel I'm not worthy.. but we are worthy if it..

[Lupi75]

And thank you everyone for the positivity and support! Logging on here every day and sharing has helped me out a lot this week! Thanks!

[Lupi75]

Also I clean houses during the week and I had to go right back to work on Tuesday , and I've been busting my butt all week ( Passover , busiest week of my year ) while in my first week of withdrawals and it's been hard but I feel good that I'm pushing thru and taking care of business. Keeping my mind busy and for me moving around during this time helps me feel better physically and mentally for the most part.

[BearsFan1966]

I think as addicts we all have that aha moment where we finally see the light! I am so happy you came clean and are starting your new life! We are here for you and post post post!

[Lupi75]

We can! And it funny you say look down on addicts cause that something I did and it's one of the main things that kept me sick for so long. Thinking I was better than someone else, not ever losing my kids, car, job , or house, keeping my head just above water and most certainly keeping up appearances , or so I thought. But this weekend the rug was pulled from under me and it was the reality check that probably saved my life! Congrats on your first week! It's feels so good to know there's someone going through it just like me in real time. And I know I can do it too , but not alone!