Time to reach out

[Lupi75]

Hi I'm a 39 year old single mother of two. I've been taking more than 5, less than 10-7.5 Vicodin for every day (give or take ) for about 13 years. I've tried to quit cold turkey several times but around day 3 I always cave and end up right where I started. I really want to quit, I have for YEARS! I remember saying" I need to quit, I can't bring this **** into my 30's" and here I am, about to turn 40 this year, still at square one. I did go to inpatient rehab in 2012 and was clean for about 4 months but relapsed. No follow up aftercare will do that to ya every time!
I took my last pill Monday and made it all the way till today (72 hours) and caved and took one. I literally felt like my insides were burning. I was at work ( I clean houses , pretty physically demanding ) and I was sooo physically ( and mentally) weak I couldn't stand it.
I think because I've been on theses things for so long, my brain is fried. I think it will take years for me to feel normal whatever that is cause I was 27 when I got hooked and I don't even remember who or what I was before the addiction. <- that's the fear! Right there! That's one of many fears I have that have keeps me sick ..never feeling normal again.
I've never tried a taper but tomorrow I'm gonna start taking 3 pills, 3 times and day for 2 weeks and then 2 pills for 2 weeks in then 1 pill cut in 1/2 for 2 weeks then jump. I' know I will still feel some withdrawl symptoms but I will treat them with OTC's , hot baths etc. I just can stop all at once, every time it drives me right back , full force. I also know I need to get on the horn and set up some out patient therapy . So please someone hold me to that!!  By Monday morning I need to have an appointment set up!!!  Anyways, reading these boards helps the most  and I will post and keep everybody updated on my progress  . Thank you

[BearsFan1966]

adding the Vit. D and calcium will also help with sleep at night. It releases melitonin in our brain!

[Lupi75]

Thanks and yes!  I've been taking magnesium and it really helps and it's been a life saver!

[Lupi75]

And Gnarly , I read your post about NA and I couldn't agree more! It is a wonderful program and it's truly a lifesaver for so many! I learned so much from NA and when I relapsed and stopped going to meetings a few years back, I was so embarrassed and afraid i let some of my NA friends down and nothing could be farther from the truth!  They understand and they take me as I am, no matter how many times I've messed up! I'm meeting up with a old NA friend for coffee later and I know it's gonna lead to a meeting after ( even tho we haven't planned it)  and I'm excited cause I haven't been to one in almost 2 years. I'm lucky I have a friend to go with tonight so if don't have to go alone after 2 years and that is what the program is all about!  We can't so this alone and thank God we don't have to! God Bless!!

[BearsFan1966]

try Magnisium and calcium with Vit d for the RLS it helps a lot for me! You got this and tomorrow will fly by!

[Lupi75]

Hi and thanks again for all the support! It's day one of my my taper down 3 pills , three times a day , but unfortunately I don't have enough so I have to go 2 pills  a day instead . I broke them in 1/2 and have been taking a 1/2 every 4 hours and I'm feeling ok, not great, but not terrible. Im going to stick to the 2 a day cause it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be and also why would I up my dose after a few days?  Going  about my daily grind not high has been tough, but today I looked in the mirror and not being high I  realized how awful I look.  Awful meaning " damn girl! Brush that hair !!" I guess I'm usual so high or so preoccupied with getting high , I didn't care about how much I've neglected taking care of myself. That was a great moment today.  Actually caring about my appearance.
Tomorrow I work my weekend job and have to wait tables in a busy cafe for 8 hours. I'm nervous cause it's going to be a hard day without my usual intake of pills to keep me pushing , but I will be running around a lot , so I actually think that will do me some good as far as some of the physical withdrawals I'm feeling, body aches, RLS, etc. And can I just say Motrin 800 works very well for me! Its huge for me to say now this because for years I tried to convince myself and every dr. I came across that they don't don't work for me! Lol! Of course they do! And very well!  

[BearsFan1966]

You are determined so I believe you can do this! Keep the positive attitude and it will help you so much! I am here if you need to vent any time! God bless you and I will be praying for you!