Vicodin/Tramadol/T3 rollercoaster. I want off.

[RegainingControl]

I'm scared.

I've been slowly developing a pretty serious addiction. My husband and I didn't have health insurance for a long time, and we both have chronic pain. At first, we had Vicodin around the house for really bad days, but it didn't take long for my relationship with the drug to become unhealthy. I was using it to feel "better", but lost sight of what "better" was. I went from wanting to not be in pain, to wanting to escape feelings and stress I had that I didn't know how to deal with.

For a couple of years, I would take what what we had when we had it. About six months ago, I went to a doctor to discuss pain management until we could get insurance (which we now have). She prescribed me, per month, 90ct. 10/325 Vicodin and 60ct. 50mg Tramadol, with the suggestion that I alternate. At first, I didn't like the way Tramadol made me feel, so I called in and asked if I could get Tylenol 3 instead. So I got a 60ct. per month prescription of that, as well. I lost control quickly and, as of now, I take all three. Each prescription lasts me a week, with a week of me going cold turkey until I can begin the cycle again. It's really awful.

I don't want to do this anymore, but I'm terrified. Yes, the concept of withdrawl is scary but, more than that, I'm afraid of facing what I've been hiding from these last few years. I don't know where to start.

[Dani030197]

I've been taking vicodin and tram for 8 years. Perscribed by my pain management doc. I want to go off but am also afraid of I might find being clean. Also afraid of the withdrawals.

[RegainingControl]

Thanks. :)

I remember the girl who used to jump out of bed to go to the gym at 5:30am. She had so much energy. I miss her.

I've tried quitting before. It's the lethargy that always brings me back. I have such high expectations of myself...everything has to be perfect. I guess I got to a point where I didn't care how I got things done, as long as I did. The pills helped with that. Helped me forget. I've been living in the US for four years without a green card. I can't work. I'm stuck in the house most of the time. I can't go home to Canada to see my family.

I'm afraid that if I quit, I'll discover that I can't do this. Can't be here with my husband. It'll break his heart. And mine.

I know I'm hiding. I want to shake off the pills. But I'm so scared of what I'll find on the other side.

[brians_wife]

Okay you gotta start a the beginning. Right now just concentrate and getting clean. The things in the thomas receipe help alot! Bananas help with rls too. Lots and lots of hot showers and baths with epsom salt. C b6 b12 potassium. Immodium helps alot. Clean quite place to relax. Clean pjs. Soft music. All things that help. Take it easy on yourself. You are sick. You can do this its hard but wont kill you. Just please hang there. Keep posting. Everyone here is here to help you. It does get better! :)

[brians_wife]

Bumping this up