Can fear of wd freeze efforts to detox?

[worried878]

I hear so many people who are so afraid of wd...20 minutes of feeling bad scares them to death...I often wonder if addicts have an aversion to feeling any type of pain, so much so that we become frozen in our addictive state..living in fear of wd, fear of living life without pills, fear of people finding out..when all the while most addicts are miserable anyway..social life cana become non-existent for an addict, family and friends are neglected, even our own personal goals are let go in favor of using..and the whole time we are/were miserable and afraid to do anything to move forward..paranoid and worry becomes a part of everyday life...frozen in a state of unhappiness and fear?  Often when alterative/safer drugs are mentioned to an addict to help pain or depression, or anxiety......a sudden paranoia takes over...fear of mixing this drug or that drug when for years addicts take astronomical doses of their DOC without ever worrying about stopping breathing one day or the liver damage they have incurred..much less the tolerence we have built that may hurt one day when we really need the pain relief after a surgery or an accident...our brain actually builds a protective mechanism that kicks in full force when the doc may be taken from us...the mental pain that addiction causes can often outweigh the physical pain the narcs were intended to treat...but it is so easy to hang on to something that is not even there..a false sense of security that in reality makes one feel very, very insecure, very alone, and very afraid

was just thinking and put it into writing...detoxing, the physical part is really so easy in comparison to repairing this twisted way of thinking...getting our brain back to functioning well enough that we can think like a person and not an addict...time to thaw out!  aftercare is what helps all of this..a good program..and i am thinking right now that i need to step up on my meetings..have been neglecting them and staying "too" busy to go..when it is one of the most important things i can do and should be at the top of my priority list..thanks for letting me vent (:

[worried878]

I wonder had I known it was "forever" like flmagi said..would i have done it anyway?  over a year now and still have my battles to fight....i wish there was a brain cleaner and my brain could go back 5 years to the state it was in then....Comet for the brain!  LOL  i think maybe i was so used to not "fixing" my feelings/pronto...no bad days or i would certainly take care of that..aversion to feeling pain of any kind!  the fear and isolation that came with using was very real....a worry that was always in the back of my mind... sometimes I need to sit down and remember how bad it feels to be dependent and out of control..to have something control me...this forum helped me so much and anyone new here should post as much as they can...i would eat up hours here for a long time....alot of suppot here and lots of great people...

[flmagi]

Worried, Great post! Sadly enough, I still have to face withdrawals of some kind from the Sub...someday. I'm not as afraid of the actual withdrawals but the length of time to really recover and get back to some normalcy.
So true, what you just posted about as time goes by, our excitement of getting clean mellows and withdrawals become a distant memory.
I kick myself all the time, thinking "what have I done to myself". Addiction is forever, it never really goes away.
Again, great post!

[starfish1963]

When I first discovered this forum I had already been on day 2 of cold turkey from opiate use.  When I read what was ahead of me and what I had done to my brain I was scarred to death (almost lol).  Looking back I think it was like when we had our first child, we didn't notice all the side effects until we had our second child (at least I didn't).  On one hand I was very thankful I knew what to expect, comforted to know I wasn't alone but at the same time it did give me second thoughts about if I had what it took to endure.  Only through my Faith and the will power (stubborn) God has Blessed me with and all the great people here helping me I would have caved in and went back to using.  So it's a catch 22 for me anyways.  I also opted for ct because I didn't want it to be easy as to go back down the road again.  That was my reasoning behind ct and it was very effective in keeping me clean.  

[worried878]

I was detoxing from hydros 13 months ago...and was so excited..i was very afraid of wd but was so sick of the pills that i was actually excited to be quitting..and that excitement stayed with me for a few weeks..then i became so fatigued....i remember doing rocket shots to get out the door to go to work..it was awful and at that time i really did not care if i lost my job or not..I envied people who didnt work..i was just so fricking tired!  also waves of depression...exercise and the aminos helped so much...but i remember the excitement wore off and that old thinking would come back..."I will feel better if I use"  "I can control it if i do it again cos i know better"  "i need a pill (or 5) so i can enjoy this function"  all of that twisted thinking that goes along with addiction....it is true that the more time that goes by the stronger we are and our brains have healed somewhat..but also risky cos the excitement of quitting is gone....and the pain that addiction can cause is a distant memory....just really never knew how deep this disease can go...and i never knew it never went away!  even being a nurse i didnt understand addiction and how it works...guess u gotta go there to find out..but i certainly dont recommend it!

[road2recovery]

Worried, WHAT a post!!  Looking back i can honestly say that the w/d's is what scared me also...now i see so clearly , that is nothing compared to what we need after that is done...I will be the first to admit that i thought this forum was enough for me, and when someone would say you need aftercare, I thought well maybe some do, but i don't..lol..I will say right now with 100% of my being, that without my aftercare, I would be using...It is so nice to have this forum, and friends, and that is what got me to do it in the first place, but sitting behind a computer typing and not speaking it outloud, well there is a big difference..I am very lucky to have found a great meeting, that i look forward to going to so much...I really hope others will look also..Doesn't matter if it is NA or AA, just find something....
And you are so right...When i was using, I was miserable....I lost contact with friends, and family...I started neglecting myself really bad...Didnt' care how i looked, when that use to be very important to me...All the things that the pills gave me energy to do in the beginning was gone ...no matter how much i took it was never the same, just made me sicker....
Funny how things go....looking back , I almost don't remember that person that would count to make sure i had enough for the day, or the next...Time moved so slow back then...Now time moves so fast....
But if it wasnt' for this forum, i honestly dont' know when i would have decided this was enough...So i do thank everyone that has helped me to be over a yr clean....god bless everyone, and please look into aftercare...
God bless
r2r

[McTigerlily]

Wow, yeah, when you start out fearing the w/d's before you even have them, what's what stops me dead. Our brain's receptors are used to being flooded with feel-good chemicals. I actually has it's own mechanism for pain management (adrenalin, endorphins, seretonin), but it's kind of a use it or lose it thing (the endorphins, especially). I am positive that's why I could give birth without an epidural. I had been clean up until the 8th month when I began taking Darvo for sciatic nerve pain. I began weaning off around the due date, but having mild w/d's. When I went into labor, I had NO real natural pain management in place and I refused all the IV drugs they wanted to give me to help. I knew I would need a truckload to help with that kind of pain.

Our brains are going to take a long time to rebuild it's own natural pain-management system. When we fear, adrenaline kicks in, and that makes us anxious because we can't off-set it very well by ourselves with endorphins. The body thinks anything like anxiety, stress, fear is pain, so if we don't have those endorphins (or our DOC) we start flipping out.

Right now I'm on Ativan for that. I'm tapering off Hydro's with Darvocet (I really don't crave Darvo and it makes me sick if I take too many). My psychiatrist said do the opioid w/d's first and then the Ativan and told me that if I do both at the same time, I'll be asking for a world of hurt. Then I will taper off of the Ativan.

I want so much for my body to be strong again. To act normally (if it ever will). I've been an addict to opioids for 8 years and I am finally able to look around and think, "Wow, I really, really want to be clean." I think it's going to be FUN to be clean. LOL At least I can have close relationships again. I can't wait to be close to my husband again who doesn't understand any of this. He's never smoked or gotten drunk. BEAT THAT! :) Lord only knows why he chose me. He's always knows I struggle on and off, although never to the fullest extent.

I'm sick of lying and being afraid. This life is too precious to live in a fog of man-made cr@p. I know it serves it's purpose, but it's just been the monkey on my back for way too long.

YOu can do it, Worried878! We all can.
Congratulations, KIM!!! That is so great.

[refusingbondage]

good point lesa - when I was using - I spent at the better part of each day in mild/moderate withdrawal trying in vain to space out my next dose as far as I could.. for soo long it was like that.. one hour of feeling good per day (first morning dose).. the rest of the day chasing the high and attempting to chase away the withdrawal.  Yuck.

[10356]

Great thought provoking post worried.. The fear of wd had kept me off Heroin but not from fooling around with pharmaceuticals.. although minor to moderate wd never scared me as it was like breathing for good while.. it was not until I shattered my foot and spent 4 long years with every kind of pharmsutical you can find (almost) ended up almost loosing motor skills and speech after one defiant week with percs.. this started me on a long over due visit to a phyc. and a trip to the dr. office every day.. To make a long story short I thought coming of the norco sucked bad as all wd does.. but the hardest was doing it with a awareness of myself not just my physical.. But it was the only thing that gave me the hunger to be free of addiction.. without I would have wd again.. and again and died.. so aftercare mental health whatever it takes do it but do it all the way... Thanks for the post.. lesa

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

You know that i agree with everything in your post.........my question is, and the spider web analogy may have answered it, - - - - but why do we opt for years of misery and health impacts when the withdrawals ('cept methadone) only take a week or two to extinguish?  Aftercare is vitally important no matter how you seek it. But you have to get to after care first. And I have seen so many posts that say " I just cant do withdrawals" - -  Anyone can do withdrawals - -  get tough, get strong, put your "war face" on and meet that enemy head to head - - one good thing......this enemy cant kill you. You may be uncomfortable, but who hasnt been in this life. There are no POW's in this fight. You either win, or lose. I hope that we have a great group of winners here - - - eagle

[worried878]

it is like a spider web grows around the brain...actually protecting the brain's need for narcotics...can seem like the pills are the only answer and ur own brain talks u into believing this...it is so weird when deep down we know they r the devil himself...even after detox it takes a while to realize pills do not make us happy...that they actually cause us to feel bad....and even then u have to convince urself every now and then that those puppies are like the plague!  eat up ur brain and make a niche in it that takes a life time to overcome...posting here helps remind me of this..yall r a great group

[kim715]

The fear of the w/ds was absolutley a HUGE stumbling block for me.Thats the main reason I went form the pills to the methadone,and I learned a real hard lesson there.The methadone w/ds were in a word,horrific,but the physical part was much easier then the mental.The physical part has been over for months and months.I just hit a year clean and I still deal with the mental aspect from time to time,triggers and cravings.Aftercare is the tool to keep me moving forward.I wouldn't be where I am without it.Great post!!!!!!!!! Peace...Kim

[cathy5841]

worried...another great, thought provoking post.  when i quit, i had no idea about the w/ds.  i found this site trying to find out if i was dying, LOL....i an glad i had no idea i would have those w/ds.

[refusingbondage]

Great post worried.  So true.  I would make a million excuses as to why I needed narcs, but try to get me to take an antibiotic or any non narc medication and I never wanted it.  It is truly like our brains literally adjust to protect the opiate habit.  I have a really good tolerance to acute pain - but withdrawal kept me frozen in fear for a very long time.  Its funny, I had to have a tooth pulled once with no novacaine.. that was acute pain.. and I handled it without fear..  Fear of withdrawal put me on suboxone.  Suboxone taught me a bitter lesson. You play you pay, end of story. The best thing to do is just fight it head on and let go of that fear..and embrace some aftercare.  

[dominosarah]

Great post worried.  Nice to see you on here!!!!            sara

[steveo30]

so right,aftercare is what may have kept me straight after i left rehab but no i secluded myself for 3 months and stayed clean  but then BANG,it's i think due to the fact that i had no aftercare in place and yes withdrawal is very scary especially when it's happened to you more than once.it always seems to get worse,i guess thats why they call it a progressive disease.good post     steveo

[swandive222]

you are totally right worried!!!  i had been living in the same rut not even trying to move forward in my life to achieve the goals that i have worked so hard for all because of some pills!!  i graduated recently but have yet to take the actual test i need to take in order to become an actual RN...  all of my other friends from school already took it and are working and making money while i have been sitting here since graduation doing nothing but being a recluse who doesn't want to do a damn thing but count pills and take them.  well that was 15 days ago!!  getting off of the pills has reopened my eyes completely!!!  i didn't work my *** off in school for nothing!!  it's time to go out and reclaim my life and live!!!  i am taking my test in a month, hopefully i will pass and get on with that stage in my life :)

[Madisonjsmom]

Great post ..Worried.  It is so true.