Withdrawal and Depression

[OxyDout]

I finally got to post!! I have been experiencing severe withdrawal/depression the last few days, so much that I have found myself crying on a few occasions, I have been feeling like there is no way out of this awful life style, and if I get close to being clean, I get scared when I think of leading a sober life..... I can't handle it anymore, I lie to everyone, I hurt everyone and I waste all my godamn money on drugs, what the hell is the point?  If it weren't for people in this forum, its a possibility I might not be here right now.  How do I ease this pain, physically and mentally....... I would appreciate any and all posts. I hope I make it through this, I'm not feeling so well.  GWH  I will be here all day.

[OxyDout]

thats some funny ****, haha, i had the same dream, I had a handful of 80's, some 40's and a few perks all cupped in one hand........I didn't get to far along in this dream, so I didn't get to use while I was asleep, but I used to get those all the time and it really annoyed me.  Your not alone, I always tell myself, ok, in a few weeks you can have your fix, "it will be ok" yea right, I think I'm purposely telling myself to atleast get to the 3 wk mark then cross that bridge when I get there........ keep posting.

GWH

[dive]

Hey everyone,

Day #8, I can't believe it.  This is a milestone, a week clean.  I have to admit, I'm feeling a little better every day.  My restless legs are now down to a managable level.  I can live with this for a while.  I have stopped going to the bathroom every 10 minutes, my stomach is feeling good, I ate dinner last night, and then slept for 6 hours at night.  NOT BAD...  

But, and theres always a BUT, I have been craving the dope ever since.  I even dreamt last night that I used.  I was mad at myself this morning, until I realized it was only a dream.  I can't get these pills out of my head.  My body feels better, but my mind keeps saying "go get more"

Don't worry, I'm fighting it, but it sucks.  My energy is still down, but slowly I'm doing more stuff around the house, like moving some furniture last night, and cleaning.  

Let me know how everyone is doing, I'll be here most of the day..

[OxyDout]

isn't it annoying, not being able to post!! Anyway, I was actually the oposite, I loved going out when I was all screwed up, I lived for it. HOwever, it wasn't the same because I also looked like ****!! I went out because I knew I would talk it up the whole night, but I always came home and looked in the mirror, what an awful surprise that was, that is one of the same reasons I am quitting.  I didn't buy one razor or a new stick of deodorant while I was using, thank god my brother uses a spray deodorant so I used his every day.  I would shave maybe once or twice a week!! it was awful. So I do relate to you, there were plenty of times where I just wanted to stay in by myself, and plenty of nights when I just went to bed around 9pm.........

Today is a good day, yesterday was the 1st day where I had no drugs in my system, I was dreading today, i thought I would wake up in hell, but I feel good, very good, so hopefully this is the start to a new beginning. I hope I don't start weakening through the day. So please post, I was looking forward to our conversations all last night, it gives me something to look forward to.  Hope all is well

GWH

[1fortheroad]

i'd really like to start a new thread someday...what's with that?

has anyone experienced becoming very antisocial while taking opiates?  since the drugs, i have withdrawn more and more, and would rather be at home than anywhere else.  we were in the bahamas, and i felt like making small talk with people was the biggest chore in the world.  i have blown off plans with friends more times than i can remember, and even errands which force me to go out seem to be overwhelming.  what is with that?  plus, especially since trying to quit the drugs, i look like ****!  my skin isn't great, and it always was before...i look pale and just worn out. that probably is contributing to my hermit-like behavior.

i hope i come around soon.  i miss my life and doing the things that really used to bring me enjoyment.

[NotDarkYet]

Hi.  Don't want to sound gloomy but I've heard (don't know if this is completely true, but it's from a friend of mine who's been way worse than I ever was and he's going on his 3rd year completely clean) that the amount of years you used, it will take that many months to get back to 'normal' or whatever 'normal' is (I don't think there's such thing).  I used for 6-7 years, that's 6-7 months for me, I guess.

I've been clean, (completely w/o a 'lost weekend' or anything remotely close) now for 7 weeks, feel good but I'm lethargic quite a bit.  Just really un-motivated at times, I have to just push myself just to get up and go to work, then at work I feel like an idiot sometimes, no one knows what I've been going through so I have to hold these false fronts but I feel like I'm on the verge, a precipice. I've just been turning into a mental space case.  Go somewhere to get something done,running errands, paying bills etc; and get side-tracked and actually forget what I'm supposed to be doing in the first place.  I'm articulate (I'm a writer)but when having conversations with people I can't seem to find the words I'm trying to get out, I get frustrated, punch at the air and start laughing.  Kind of creepy.  Can't be old age, I'm only 26! Honestly I don't know what the hell my problem is but I do feel like a completely different person latley.  My girlfriend left me, went back to Denver- just couldn't deal with me anymore and after 6 years with me I can't say I really blame her.  I'm not going to go out and use, that's no longer an option- it's what has got me in this bullshit to begin with but- God- when does it start falling into place?  Maybe I'm just a bi-polar/shizophrenic!!!  Anybody out there going through the same weird stuff?  Sure like to know I'm not the only one....

[lanas]

I meant to add that I do not think you are carzy for getting on here when you are taking so little.  I wasn't taking very mch compared to many on here either.  But if you need it and you want off, it matters.  So believe me when I tell you everyone here is with you and supportive.  I've got to run and will be gone all day tomorrow.  BUt I'll be back Wed.  Take good care and thanks again for all of the support.