New here....somebody please help me.

[cleanhouse84]

I am new to the Chicago area and am looking for an internist that can prescribe Suboxone. I have been on and off Sub for almost 2 years now...with two periods of abstinence of about 3 months. The pain, depression, and fatigue made it impossible for me to stay off the drug...according to my current doctor. I was advised to start taking the Suboxone again to cure the discomfort I continuously felt. (didnt start taking pain pills again...never have since the day i got help) I started taking it again because I would have lost my job and life considering the shape I was in after going off.

Anyway...I need a doctor that is understanding, and trusting. I experienced a severe leg injury which led to my dependence on opiates. When I realized I was sick when I didn't take the pain pills, I told my doctor. He shuffled me to some outpatient program for addiction, and wrote me off. So the only person I have dealt with is my current suboxone doctor...who I believe would be content with me taking the drug for the rest of my life. It was like the moment I said that I thought I was dependent on the pills I became subhuman to every medical professional. I still cant comprehend it fully. Its like being blacklisted by the health care industry.

Honestly, its crazy...when I realized I was dependent on the pain pills I didnt feel any shame...I thought it was a medical situation and it happens with many types of drugs...and that the doctor would tell me what to do and there would be a solution. Being on Suboxone hasnt been a solution, now I really feel like a drug addict. I feel like I am controlled by these pills, they run my life...they are ruining my life.

I need a doctor that will talk to me like I am a trustworthy, honest, and responsible adult. I need help getting off this drug. I have never felt mental and physical discomfort like what I feel when I try to stop this drug.

I was stupid and naive when it came to pain pills, and it got me in a bad spot. But I thought going to my doctor right away was going to make me better....but suboxone and the treatment has been a downward spiral of misery.

Well I just wanted to ask if anyone knew of a good doctor in the chicago area that may be able to help me...and I kind of turned this into a pity party. I hope there is someone out there that can point me in the right direction...at the very least there have to be people that understand what i am feeling and dealing with.

I just want somebody to tell me that I am gonna be myself again eventually. I am scared to death that these changes are permanent.

Anything, any info would be appreciated. Thank you.

[christin1225]

I'm not from Chicago and, therefore, cannot help with the primary purpose of your post. As worried mentioned, the Suboxone website has a doctorfind function that should be able to help you find an internist if you have an internist Sub doctor in your area.

Like you, I became accidentally dependent on opioids. However, unlike you, I wasn't seeking relief from physical pain. I was seeking relief from anxiety. Because I did not consider myself an addict, I though that I could use opiates for a few days to alleviate anxiety and panic attacks. It worked, but I became addicted instantly (yep! the very first day) which kept me using until I became dependent (after a few weeks). I mention that because I wonder if you consider yourself to be merely physically dependent on opiates or if you believe that you are addicted.

If you are an addict, I suggest that you may need to accept the fact that you will never "be yourself again." As my sponsor told me in the beginning, "Once a pickle, always a pickle. Once a cucumber becomes a pickle, it will always be a pickle. It can never become a cucumber again." It's the harsh reality of addiction. The good news is that addicts do recover and, as Worried has said, meetings with other recovering addicts will help you to that end.

I think that worried's questions as to Sub being your new DOC is a valid one and you need to address that question -- if you're an addict. There can be a fine line between Opiate Replacement Therapy and Opiate Replacement Addiction.

Perhaps your post has confused some readers because you have not quite discerned yourself whether you are merely dealing with dependence or if you are dealing with an addiction. Recovery meetings can help you to make that determination.

Last but not least, I know how frustrating it can be to have a Sub doctor who only seems interested in writing a script every month. I had one of those docs. Now, I have a doctor who is willing to invest a little of his office time with me and with using Suboxone as a means to help me get my addiction into remission, so to speak. I attend recovery meetings every day and am starting (again) an intensive outpatient program. I tell you this because what is working for me, may work for you.

I hope that you find a doctor that will work with you. I wish you all the best.

[worried878]

re-read..u were off for 3 mths?  how long have u been off now?  and what dose were u on?  r u still on sub?  i do c the confusion

unless someone from ur area pasts. then u will not get an anser..sub is not a good pain drug..it sounds like the mental part they served/the sub  is getting to u..maybe not..just trying to read and feel what u r typing/and i could be way off base

I do know how u feel...aftermath of wds from any narcotic much less a narcotic like sub with a humongous half life is tough..the mental part will drain u..i am a nurse/a hydro user and surprised i kept my job thru this crud..i was like a zombie with no nrg     it was hard when i was so used to staying busy to feel like doing NUTTIN...absolutely nuttin...working 5 days a week was all the nrg i had to give/and i know i was not at my best at work/cos i felt so depressed///so tired..will not go on but u get the drift

Do u feel u need the sub for pain?  or do u think u may have been using narcotics as an AD?  narcotics are not AD's tho they sure hit the spot for many/specially dopamine deficient folks..there r ADs out there to help if u seek the right dr/a dr trained in psycholigical stuff...subnarcs were never intended to be used for long term pain due to tolerence and addiction/altho many use for long periods without addiction..we rin the minority..we r just unlucky as they have an nrg or AD effect on us...most people who take narcs just go to sleep..if a narc gives u nrg vs sleepiness/u r at high risk for addiction
If u need sumpin for pain...sub is not the route u need to go...if u need sumpin for addiction then perhaps it is/it is better than relapsing but u gave really no history as to doc or dose before sub///nor sub dose u were on when u quit/if u quit the sub?

I beleive the sub site/to find a dr in ur area is nabbt dot org....only advice as far as discering good sub drs from bad/is most Good ones take insurance..but not always the case..most sub drs out for the cash//demand cash//again/not always true///type in ur zip code then let ur fingers do the walking

If u have been off of sub for a few weeks or more....going to the NA or AA site may help u more..find a meeting near u//sumpin seems to be missing///be it aftercare or the correct meds such as AD's...not sure..think hard...Has sub become ur DOC?  if u have not gotten aftercare then go..they also may be able to help u with the dr problem

keep us posted...never meant to be harsh...jsut trying to figure out ur dilemna..i am funny that way so please forgive me..it is hard to pinpoint a persons dilemna from a post...THAT IS WHY MEETINGS ROCK

[slapperman]

I am confused. If you were off SUB for 3 months (the WD would have passed) then why would you want to start taking them again. SUB is used as a tool to help you to stop abusing opiates. The goal is to then taper off the SUB and live a clean and opiate free life. The second part of recovery is aftercare (It took me a while to realize that's the part that helps keep you clean). NA is a good place to start. It will give you the support and help that you will need to stop the cycle of addiction. That's just my opinion but if you need a SUB doctor you can go to the website and they will list the ones in your area.

I wish you the best and god bless

*I think the aftercare is the part you are missing and not the SUB

Joe aka slapperman