How to stop pain killers?

[ahotmess]

Well, I stumbled upon this site because i googled detox. Almost 3 years ago I was diagnosed with stage III cervical cancer. I had to go through surgery, chemo and radiation. I was put on Percocets. At first I just took 1-2 at night to help with the pain so I couls sleep. Every week I noticed I would take more and more each day. After a few months of treatment I was in remission and still am. After my treatments I still had alot of back and leg pain. My faimily doctor put me on 240 percocets a month and eventually I would run out before it was time to get my script filled.This went on for about a year and then my doctor moved and his replacement refused to do pain managment and wouldnt write me a script. I was emotionally and phisically sick! I decided that I had a problem and knew I had to quit cold turkey. It was hell! I was so upset at my stomach and felt like my body had the flu. I made a list of things to do each day to keep myself busy in my house. I read alot and took a lot of hot baths. After about 5 days I started feeling alittle better. On top of all this I have 3 children who I love sooo much. I knew I had to get better for them. They deserve a mom who is there for them everyday! And I so desperately wanted to be that mom for them. After detoxing at home I enrolled back in school to finish up my nursing degree. I got clean in October of last year and was fine until April of the following year. My bladder started acting up because of the radiation I went through. They had to go in and remove a clump of white cells in my bladder. The first thing I rememder when I woke up was the nurse popping 2 Vicodin in my mouth. The high I got was great and I remembered how I used to feel when I used to take them. I went home with a script and milked 3 more out of the doctor saying I was still having pain. Since then I have gradually gone back to taking pills daily. My drug of choice is Loratabs and Percocets. I can pretty much always get a script with my past medical history, if not the emergency room will always give you 15-20 pills. Ive also resorted to buying them off the street, which puts me in a financial bind having three kids to support. I have 2 more months to go in school and I will be a nurse, but Im afraid I would steal medication from the hospital if I was out. I have a friend who is also almost a nurse who knows how to call prescriptions into the pharmacy. He has managed to talk me into picking them up and we split them. I know this is horrible and very illegal, but when I get pill sick I take the risk so I will feel better. I do not want to go to jail, but I know eventually I will get caught. I also have a man who has been in my life for 6yrs and I love him very much! I know im going to lose everything if I dont quit. My stomach is all out of whack from always eating pills. I am up to taking 15-20 Loratab 7.5/500 everyday. I cant even get out of the bed in the morning without popping pills. Everything I do evolves around pills. I cant do anything without taking them. I HAVE to have them to sleep! I dont know what to do. I want to stop, but I dont want to put my family through that, I know I would be in the bed for atleast a week straight. Now when I take my pills they dont even get me high anymore, they put me in a bad mood, and I end up having an attitude with everybody! I want so bad to be clean and live a good life! I neede help so bad, but I dont know where to turn.  I think rehab would be the best way but I dont knoe what I would tell my children, Ive been unavailable to them enough already! Im sick of these pills ruling my life!!! I want to be free. Please, if anybody has any suggestions as to how to go about this so I dont feel like Im dying!! I dont even know where to start, but I know I want my life back. All i do is take pills now and lay in the bed making up an excuse that im sick or something. All I want is to be the mother I know I can be!!! Why did this have to happen to me? I know that with my health even if I can get off these drugs I will have to have a procedure in the future that will require pain meds. What do you do? I have so many people in my life that love me, but on these drugs I fell like an empty shell with nothing to give. They make me numb, they help with the mental hurt and make everything go way, but im ready to deal with it head on and start living again. All i can do is pray that God will not ptu more on me than I can bare and make this detox im getting ready to go through not so hellish!!! Please God help me!!!!

[helpjen]

You are really going through a lot right now.  I can complete feel your pain with your guilt and your children.  Please tell you doctor and get some help, you may have painful conditions in the future and need to use meds, so you need to get a handle on it now.  I wlll be praying for you and your children!  Sounds like you may need to go into rehab to really kick this.  Good luck, you are not alone!

[worried878]

ok...calm down...that is about 100-150 mg a day..people here do this all the time..rehab is an option if u can....but people quit from this dose often here...and do it at home...being a nurse and a pill popper do not mix...really doesnt mix with any job i dont think if u want to keep ur job..and u will go broke!  been there and done that!  lots of support here...have u found a meeting in ur area?  have u tried tapering/hand them over to someone if need be...actually u could CT if u had the time off in a week or less..u have done this before...u can do this again....get ur thoughts together and make a plan..plan out how u want to do this..start to finish and stick to it...u know this doesnt get better/only worse

there is an article in the health pages on tapering and alos on the thomas recipe..starting the vitamins and aminos now can help and an exercise routine even if it is just walking...u r upset right now i sense and a walk around the block would help/and gather ur thoughts...keep posting

[newmanagment]

your post says how to stop takin pills?
when the desire to be clean outweighs the desire to get high, you will start to get clean!
sounds like you want to be clean, like all of us here. so read the thomas recipe found in the health pages, tell your man your gonna detox, and getn past the withdraws will be the first major hurdle!
after that, we are all here to help and support each other, and we can lift you up too :)