confession

[Beaten]

hey guys, its me beaten and i'm afraid to say i''m still beaten. It kills me to write this but i felt i had to be honest with the people that have supported me the most. i was clean for 4 days and then fell of the wagon. my b/f and i thought we could handle doing it just one more time and then well......we failed. Now we're right back to where we started. we woke up this morning feeling completely drained, unable to get out of bed. We did 20mgs each of oxy then of course we were fine. Now we sit here waiting to get some maby methodone. Its awful. We had a chance and blew it.

Whatever happens, whether we get any methodone or not we aren't going to stop trying. Tomorow may bring some nasty withdrawls or we may be lucky enough to get some methodone and breeze through it. Anyways i just thought i'd be honest and confess.

Thanks for listening. :)

[GoingToMakeIt]

Keep posting tomorrow. It is your lifeline to reality and sanity. Sleep well.

[Beaten]

thanks u guys. Right now i'm sobbing uncontrollably becus of my aches and pains and general depression. b/f is sleeping. at least one of us is getting some rest. we're not going to stop trying. We are determined to get clean. I felt like i failed myself and all the people that were supporting me but its refreshing to see that u guys are still here for me. Thanks. Tomorow is going to bring a really sucky day. I'll let u all know how i'm doing.

[cathy5841]

p.s. sorry about all the typos it is late lol

[cathy5841]

beaten if you keep relapsing it means you need to do something different, what you are doing is not working obviously.  you have got to excersiae some control.  this is not easy if it were no one would be an addict.  have you thought of trying suboxone for a short time.  we wre here to support you but it is up to you to do the work.  i agree witht he above post that you may need to seperate from you b/f to get clean.  remember this is a disease that will eventually coast you everything you hold dear, (friends family and eventally you life) if you do overcome it.  you can do this, you just gotta want it more than anything else and then be willing to pay the price to get it. good luck to you and i will be praying you overvome this addiction
cathy

[Flutterby111]

I wish you the best of luck, and as your can see be all the replies, you have a ton of support here....

[toxictome]

Thanks for your honesty.....that is IMPORTANT!!!...

.now....

Pick yourselves up , dust yourselves off, and get back in the race>>>>>
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

[grateful4all]

Not beaten... delayed.  Everyone who has ever  been addicted to anything has said that it sometimes takes several attempts to finally "put it down".  Just think of this as one less try you have to make, and try to find whatever assistance you can from the wonderful people here and any resources available to you.

God speed

[Avalancheblanche]

I dont really know your story, but, one of the wonderful things in life is that we can learn from our mistakes and become better from it.  Now that you have learned a HUGE lesson, you can start fresh again and be even stronger.  

[Chi_Chi_Lover]

mshell62 is right. You have said that your relationship started while you were both using drugs. It is a relationship build on drug addiction. Each of you need to get clean away from eachother. If you went into a rehab or any counseling the first thing they would do is seperate you. You are both sick together you need to get well and apart.
To get clean and stay clean you have to change all the addictive behavior. I don't mean to be nasty to you. I want you guys to succeed and have a great life. I truly mean that.

[mshell62]

Maybe ya need to stay away from your "best friend" for a while.  You two aren't good for each other.  

I know I don't have the strength to be around friends/family that take Vicodin, either.  

You need to make changes to stay on track.

We're here.

[worried878]

I dont really think you have totally blown it unless that is how you want to look at it.....you 2 need to make a plan and stick to it.....easier said than done....I dont think bailing yourself out with a few methadone everytime you relapse is going to be a long term plan...do you go to a clinic or get them off the street?  anyway...keep posting and keep trying.....Do not look at it as failure...pick yourself up and get back on track

[sterling_silver]

Not one of us here judges you. We cheer your victories and we nod our heads in understanding the other times.Keep trying. Each time you relapse, try to learn from it.
90% of addicts relapse at least once. Don't give up,you will do it.

[gizzy32]

well being honest is one of the most important things in fighting this addiction. the problem with relapsing is the feelings of anger, guilt and depression, and that is how this disease feeds off us. don't beat yourself up over this as it will only take you down farther. you must keep fighting, but you really do need to become stronger. i wish you the best of luck and please don't give up

[GoingToMakeIt]

ONE = 1000. It's the new math. Your mind and body does not have the strength to do this.

[spacecadette]

That's too bad. :(  if you could get 3 or 4 methadone pills and take one a day...and no more than that...you can be back where you were with little to no withdrawl...days 3 and 4 on methadone will mask the withdrawl but not enough time to get addicted....so by day 5 you don't take any and should be almost back to normal...except the cravings, depression etc...but the physical part should be mostly over