extremely emotional...just wanna cry all the time..

[Scaredformylife1981]

Sitting here after watching "Fault in our stars" I'm overwhelmed with emotion. I've done so much bad. My husband is weeks away from his refill and its because of me.
Sometimes when I go to use I feel like my mind goes blank. So as to block out my guilt. Guilt of letting my life be this way. Guilt of letting it continue. Guilt of no willpower. Guilt of living a lie daily.
I need to get off this rollercoaster. My crippling anxiety won't let me. I'm overcome by my intense need to control everything around me. To make life look perfect. My home, kids, life, appearence. When I'm just hiding behind it all.
Does anyone out there know how I feel? I have so much pain that I need to deal with. The meds let me keep the lie going. So once I'm stripped of the curtain then what????

[dominosarah]

I know exactly how you feel.  Once you are striped of the curtain you wont feel like this anymore.  There will be no more lies, the anxiety will lessen and guilt will be dealt with.  The drugs are making you feel like this.  I was scared to death to take the jump and it is the best think i ever did.  It's not easy but it sure beats using.  You are only existing right now, take a stand and start living.  You can do this~

[motye51]

No, no, no!!!!!
Turn that **** off....there will be enough time for reflection and guilt later....u need to get through the detox! Happy, upbeat, motivational, funny....find things like that! I made the mistake of putting marilyn manson in my head while detoxing....i was so freakin mad....big mistake. Dont psyche yourself out already. Do u have earbuds? Find upbeat, bouncey dance music, queen type anthem music....get out of this mindset somehow!!!!!

[Scaredformylife1981]

I gotta get out of this mindset, we have a wedding to attend for a very special friend of mine tonight..

[EvolverU]

Hi,

I agree with motye51! It's hard enough when we're detoxing & all our emotions come flooding back amplified 2,000 times let alone trying to do it when we beat ourselves up that way! Definitely try to stay away from anything depressing or self-recriminating. Listening to & watching stuff that's inspirational, relaxing and/or funny instead, will help to bolster your determination & distract you from the detox. The order of the day is to treat yourself gently both emotionally & physically in order to get you through the acute w/d. Time for 'power' songs & things that make you laugh or feel optimistic. You can also check out meditations and inspirational stuff on yt.


I hear you on your 'mind going blank' in order to silence your conscience! (It brought me right back to my using days) Like Sarah said, it's the drugs & how they affect the way we think & act. It sounds like you've had enough of beating yourself up physically & mentally through your use. You won't feel or do those things after you stop & it'll be such a relief. Just another really good reason to quit & put a good plan into place to stay clean.

You can do this! :) Dare to believe it!