fell off the wagon

[cheesystick]

as you might now, i lost a near and dear friend on friday, and I was also 4 days sober. well, the funeral was saturday and i completely lost my ****. i went and got whatever i could, however much it was, and a lot of it. :( i totally ****** up my recovery. and now that everything has run out again, im at square one. i miss him so much. he died of a heroin overdose. ive never touched the stuff, my doc is pills. its hard. so hard. i want to give it another shot; but i dont even think im worth it. ughhhh. i dont want to go through the w/d again! i ****** up big this time.

[angelinfear]

Your fight just got STRONGER not harder. You got this now. Don't beat yourself up...today is your day..the first day. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Im so very sorry about your friend..honor your friend with your strength and courage. You are worthy of a healthy happy life, and you will have it. So will I. GL!

[gnarly_1]

Hey .....its ez to fall over a tragedy....im sorry to here about your friend but im sure he wouldn't want you to wind up the same way....as addicts we seldom think we will pay the ultimate price but it happens more then we think....using just cant be an option....your not the first one to fall early in sobriety the key here is to pick yourself up dust yourself off
and start over...never give up the fight...sometimes it takes a time or 2 for it to stick
but in the end it is so so worth it....so keep fighting look up some form of aftercare
get plugged in and move forward learn from your mistakes you can still do this and your worth the fight...keep posting for support we all want to see you succeed good luck and God bless......Gnarly      

[ang_811]

Don't give up the fight! U know n ur heart u can do this! I'm happy to hear ur back n the fight. I'm learning that I have to deal with lifes issues sober no matter what! Using isn't an option 4 me nemore. I can only live 1 way and that's the sober way. Good luck and keep posting for support.

[dominosarah]

Yes you can do this!!  Fight with everything you have~~~~Keep posting too.      sara

[cheesystick]

thank you. i know i can do it, i was just so sad and so emotional ALREADY from the w.d, and i didnt want to feel how sad i was anymore. i was exhausted, i know they say it gets better after day 3 or 4, but i couldnt see the light at the end of the tunnel. i am starting again today. today is day one again. im going to fight harder this time, and GET THROUGH THIS. you are right, he wouldnt want what happened to him, to happen to me. i dont want to end up in a coffin. it was open casket and ive never been to that kind of service before and it tore me up. but im giving this a second try.

[IBKleen]

I am sorry to hear about your friend, that is always heart breaking.

That being said, using was an excuse..it always is. I could make a list but there is a character limit here and I would exceed it with the excuses I have used to do drugs, get drugs, and take drugs. There just simply is no excuse that makes any sense.

So you hear us talk about aftercare (I am getting to hate word myself) but you have heard us talk about an outside support group? Perhaps counseling? Some healing? Well, this is why we need to identify why we use and from there we can correct the problem areas.

I hope you come back and I hope you reach out. You are in my prayers.

[chronicmistake]

I am sorry too.  I lost my best friend to opiates and ETOH a few years back.  People are right, you cannot  use that as an exuse to use. Pick yourself up for you and to make your friend proud.  You have a right to mourn but using is not mourning, feeling is mourning.  you can do this!!

[LeaAnn807]

I am sorry about your friend.  Let that show you what you DON'T want to do.  Overdose can happen to anyone with any DOC.  I ODd on pills once, by accident.  I had a massive tolerance, and I over did it....big time!  

I encourage you to start again with day 1 and move forward from here.  You can really do this.  It is SO hard but SO worth it!!!  And YOU are worth it.  Don't forget that! : )  Get some support in your area so that you have some help, ok?

[ang_811]

That breaks my heart! I've been reading ur story. I'm sorry to hear of ur freind overdosing. U don't want that to happen to u. U have to cope and u can't do it n a fog. U can do this. Start now. U did it for 4 days so u have the fight n u. Don't give up! Have faith and trust that's what us helping me. Please give it another shot! U r so worth it! Take it from sum1 who was a lost cause. I gave up on myself for 5 years. I didn't think there was je other way. I almost did it again! Learn to have faith and hope. U can do this. My heart goes out to u. I'm pretty sure ur frein would not want u to end up like him. So do it for him. Keep posting it helps! Let us know how ur doing.

[dominosarah]

I am really sorry about your friend but you cant use this as an excuse to keep using.   You are going to go thru wd again as you put yourself in that situation.  You are worth it and now you need to find that out.  Get into some aftercare and fight for you.  What a great thing to carry on your friends legacy by getting and staying clean.  You can do it!!   sara

[loveJwhite]

Of course you are worth it...I'm very sorry about your friend. Just pick up where you left off and start again. Do it for you. You can't grieve with all that crap clouding up your mind. You've seen first hand what drugs can do....don't go that way. You can do it.