Depressive day

[CadillacJack]

Finishing day26. I guess it's just beginning to sink in that I've lost my wife, and best friend. If I hadn't been high so much, i wouldn't have become so disinterested in our relationship. People in long term relationships tend to take much for granted. Anyway, #26 down, and I'm still here. Though I really don't have much reason to be, it seems.

[confused456]

You do have reason to be! Hang in there and I am sorry about your wife.

[worried878]

...dude...what is the alternative?....using was getting me no where especially relationship wise...if u can change it then worry about it and wok on it...if u can not...then we gotta let it go

[strugglingmomma]

Cheer up.  I think all of us have made mistakes because of our addictions and that is just something we have to let go of.  I know it's hard for me to think about the mistakes I have made, but i have learned if I dwell on them it does no one any good.  I am very proud of you for making it so far and just hope I can be as successful as you in beating this.

[CadillacJack]

Thanks for all of the kind comments, I appreciate them. I actually open this up again to say "disregard above message". I hate to *****, and that's what it sounds like I'm doing. Closer to reality is a deep since of guilt for the obvious pain that I have selfishly caused for my wife and many others. I honestly have no idea how to make things even close to right.

[kim715]

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough day.If it makes any difference at all I'm very grateful that you're here on this forum.We've all made mistakes because of our addictons.I know I've burnt some bridges.God has a plan for you and you still have alot of things to  experience and accomplish ,and how wonderful it will be that you be able to enjoy life being clean and sober.We all let the guilt and depression get hold of us sometimes,but you have to try and shake it off.It's a bump in the road don't let it make you stumble.Hang in there.Much love to you my friend. Peace.

[worried878]

CJ...me neither...my past was not something that happened during abuse...it is from way back and before i used...did "touch" it though a month or so ago to feel it out....there is no going back ...and believe me...if i could i would fix it...i am a fixer....but it is hard not to look back...if i woulda...if i coulda....we can go round and round the rest of our lives but i do have guilt even tho this was not due to drugs ...there ar other things u can do wrong believe it or not!   LOL....being clean i know i gotta let it go...triggers start bombarding u and u know where ur problems are suddenly....in a way it is a gift  LOL...as many never have this rude awakening...sober or non-sober

[sadinmichigan]

I can totally relate to what your saying because that is the exact reason why my marraige has been ruined..my addiction AND his..it totally sucks..I am so sorry and I know how bad it hurts..like everyone has said...we all have made mistakes because of our addictions..and many others have made the same mistakes without addiction..There is no magical thing to say to make you feel better..but you don't know what the future holds and you definately have a reason to stay on the path of being sober..you have to do it for you...then kids etc..Congratulations on day 26..keep with us..Your friend..Lisa

[beck25752003]

so sorry you are having a bad day but sad to say we all will have more.  you have to not forget the past but move past it. you cant change it  no matter how hard we try. but you can change your future.  i also lost a love through all of this but i wont for him or anyone else win again.  my dad (a recovering alcholic sent me a book on positive thinking (which at first read i was like ok i know this but cant change my my goign the wrong way ) but as i go along it has helped alot.  look for things to help the mind as much as you can. i am not even as far as you so i am proud of you. but you do know you werent happy with them stupid pills either. you hang in there and keep kicking butt. you are in my prayers

beck

[worried878]

well said...cj keep on kicking butt...we cant take time out right now to dwell on things we can not change

[addict3]

Im on day 17 and in no position to give advice, but maybe some rest and sleep will bring a greater looking tomorrow.
you have helped me many times just posting when I just did not have the strength to type a word. and from the above remarks, many others too who care.
It is easy from this side to say shake it off and go on but.............................
I sincerly hope you wake to a better day tomorrow.

[CadillacJack]

I will not use again. "being here" was no reference to this forum. This is the best therapy there is for me. I'm OK. Momentary weakness. I just can't see where to take my life from this point. Life changing experiences are just that.

Thanks, appreciation and love to you all.

[worried878]

Know the feeling...life changing is hard...i am a creature of habit and resist change as a rule...but this is a positive change   and who knows what lies ahead?...u never know cj

[toomanytimes]

Some days I just don't get why I'm here, why things happened the way they did, why I am lucky enough to still have my 2 darling sons.  I'm one of the lucky ones i guess.  Divorce is a sucky thing even when you want it. I sure have had to change  and adjust to more than I feel I can handle.  I have to go on day after day, doing the best I can, some days I don't do the best I can and I know it. The next day i will try to do better. Often I don't. I'll keep trying because for some reason I get the chance and noone else loves and cares for my sons the way I do and everything happens for a reason and things ARE getting better for myself and my sons, a little bit at a time.  I can say that today, tomorrow may be a different story.