i really made it this far?

[bettermomma]

Well today is a milestone in my recovery. Thanks to the wonderful people at this forum. I have 45 days under my belt... but I wanna be completely honest here... the last 3 days have been the hardest for me to stay sober. I always have my guard up, but it just doesn't seem like enough! Right in my life, I'm having a lot of family issues... and not too mention all the (what seems like chaos ) stress around me. Lastnight was one of my worse nights since detox! And I'm crying as I post this... because I can't understand why! Up until yesterday, I felt like a million bux! Today and yesterday feels like my caste is crumbling ... I don't feel as ... whole, it seems. What a way to celebrate huh? I mean 45 days? That's pretty awesome for me. I just can't seem to get a hold of myself. Can someone please tell me what is going on with me? I mean, I've heard of PAWS but is that what this is!? Am I feeling some down because of that? Or what?

[addict3]

I just wanted to say congrats on 45 days!!

Keep your guard up!!

I am sure you will figure out how to deal with life again as you get more time sober!

[bama88]

and remember rhe bad part of drugs...you don't want to detox again. you are in control now. and girlfriend im so so so proud of you coming here and talking to us instead of the other way ...unfortunately there is no happy ending with drugs. remember how your husband is starting to trust you again? and how you told me how great your relationship is going...don't throw that away over stress....do you want me to pray with or for you? you know i will. you know i l fight still. i loved to go run away when stress came into my life. i don't have good coping skills either....lets figure out a way to learn to cope together..your friend always bama...

[bama88]

oh momma i watched u grow im 45 days...i do get how your still fragile in recovery. and how tempting it is to want to rum away from your problems. but you know those same problems will be waiting for you if ya relapse. just wanted to share my opinion...what type of stress? is it im your household or extended family? if its extended family just try not to get involved. easier said than done. tell me what's going on? also rember your emotions are still intense and raw so be kind to yourself. break down your days minute to minute if you have to. rember your fun shopping spree you had ?? and remember the awful detox you went thru...i believe in you...your standing im the light now..please don't go back to the dark side of the moon...private message me. i love talking to you. im here for you. ok

[bettermomma]

That's the spirit! Lol keep thinking like that! And I'll keep going ... even if it's tough sometimes, but I know I can do anything! So can u! Congrats on your clean time too! Woot Woot!

[bewitched_queen]

So glad you're feeling better now :) & yes I will keep my awful memories of my detox very fresh. It's truly the most terrible thing I've been through. But so happy to be clean :) you keep right on chugging along girlfriend, you got this!!!

[bettermomma]

Thank you everyone! And Mike, lol ur post especially made me smile. I really need that!

Bewitched, thanks hun, I remember vividly day 6... let me tell you. My detox is what keeps me going! It pit a mark on my mind that I'll never erase!

List and ric, lol I'm much better now! So thanks for celebrating with me!

[bewitched_queen]

WoOt WoOt!!! You have done so great to get to where you are. I'm on day 6 today and though still weak a little mentally, I'm getting better everyday. I look up to you. You have actually done what I am working so hard for. Very proud of you bettermomma <3

[ricart70]

awesome !!!   great job   keep it up!

[LostNoMore]

45!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! days.  Great job.

[MikeInFrance]

Thanks to YOU...u have created 45 days of distance between you and those drugs!  And why doesn't it seem enough? You aren't using! You are doing this thing the right way and maybe u r goin through a hard time but you are setting a great example for me right now as I creep towards 45 days. Believe that! You went through some tough Sh*t in the beginning so don't forget where  and how it started 45 days ago! Cuz there is no going back here! Think about tomorrow and not about yesterday!

[bettermomma]

Thank you so much Sharon! I actually am doing laundry and just got off the treadmill, jogged for about 5 -10 minutes, didn't really keep track... I know my weaknesses and my strengths, so my guard is staying put. The mental part of this, is what got me last time! And believe me, I'm not willing to roll over and okay dead again. Day 3 is better than nothing at all, so just keep positive, (yea, I know, what a hypocrite! Lol) but seriously stay focused on your goal. You'll get there hun, I promise. Where there is a will, there is a way. And the faith the size of a mustard seed, can move a mountain.  Addiction is my mountain, and no I've got a bulldozer!

[Sharon0255]

Please stay tough and don't let your guard down. I had 45 days and felt just like you and I relapsed so you dont have to trust me when I tell you where you are is so much better than where I am. I'm on day3 trying to get to where you are. Please if you can try and lower your expectations of how you should feel and just try and let yourself be even if you feel awful I can guarantee you will feel worse and may not make it back to where you are. I'm very happy for you and I've said a prayer for you. It's ok to feel all messed up its the mental part of this and it took me out. You sound wonderful to me and I hope to get back where you are.

[bettermomma]

I understand that Norco, but I honestly thot that part was over for me. The overwhelming part... thot I learned how to cope. Evidently, my coping skills aren't what I thought they'd be by now. Ugh... what a feeling! I really don't like feelings like this one.

[norcogotme]

Life is stressful.  It may seem like it's overwhelming right now but in reality you are dealing with what most people deal with everyday.  In the past when using these things might not have seemed so bad since there was a  fog from the opiates.  It's weird but dealing with these stresses that happen to EVERYONE is just another step.  They have to be deal with rather than taking a pill to escape.  It may seem like there are families out there that are hallmark families but everyone deals with issues and stresses.  

[bettermomma]

Lol thank you Sarah! I needed somebody to tell me that it's normal to feel this way. I'm hoping that tomorrow will b a little better, and hopefully today perks up too...


And the after dark cafe?! Well I'm game for anything! Lol

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 45 days clean!!  That is a great accomplishment!  Be proud of yourself~~

After we clean up we ride that pink cloud where everything is great.   Once that leaves we are faced with the reality of the world.  Now is when the hard part kicks in.  You speak of family issues which are usually the first thing we are faced with.  Figure out what part you play in that if any and deal with it head on.  Sometimes we get involved in other peoples issues and you just have to back out.  Try and stay busy today, get some fresh air, turn up the music, turn it into a good day.  Just hold that clean time sacred and keep your guard up~~~

That reminds me..After Dark Cafe #2!!