me again

[dede2121]

i joined a couple months ago thinking i would stop this. well i got back into my old habits. now this is what i don't get, how can i be addicted taking one maybe one and a half a day. and sometimes not everyday. sometimes i will go 2 days without. what is the problem?

[dede2121]

i do believe it is day18. feeling good today. i am off work and happy for that. because it is just miserable cold outside.

i have lost 9 pounds since i quit. that is odd because i feel like i have been eating more since i quit. oh well it didnt hurt none. i needed to lose a few more. hope i dont gain it back.

i just found out that cirque du soleil is coming here where i live. i am going to buy tickets for it. if anyone has not seen it you should. it is awesome. i saw it in las vegas back in june. finally i will be spending my money on good things and not bad things.

i will go to another meeting tonight. they really keep me straight. dont know what i would do without them.

[dede2121]

another day of work and another meeting. i was thinking on my way to the meeting tonight that this is my life right now. Meeting, work and go home. i hope i dont bore myself to death with this dull life. of course i do enjoy the meetings and am thankful to be working, i just feel i need more. but i dont know where to begin. i dropped all my good friends and dont know how to reconnect with them. how do i explain why i left them? do i tell them that i am an addict? I really dont think they would understand. and believe it or not some of the people i was drugging with i really liked. and i know i cant talk to them anymore. one of the girls called me the other day, someone i used to work with and told me that we need to go out again. but that would mean a night of drinking and taking pills. so i dont want to go there again. i did not tell her that i quit. but i did tell her that i was getting out of hand. maybe i should have just said that i dont do that anymore. you know sometimes i get overwhelmed with the thought that this will have to be something i have to work on the rest of my life. i just need to focus on one day at a time.
i really am thankful for the meetings that i attend. lucifer popped into my head today about pill taking. after i attend na/aa i always come out feeling better and the thought leaves. not sure what it is but those meetings help me so much. everyone struggling should try them.
it feels good to be clean today. i think it is day 17. i lose count. but i sure counted those first few days.
i also quit drinking and i think about christmas and new years coming up. i always enjoyed drinking on the holidays. my brother makes the best homemade sangria. but i will resist temptation and not drink. and there will definetly not be any pill taking. what a waste of time and so much money. i cant wait to get back on track and move into my own apartment again.
oh well, i am rambling. it just feels good to be clean.
and i am thankful for this place so i can come here and type my feelings. i dont share at na/aa i guess to do me being shy. maybe someday.
hope everyone has had a clean and happy day.

[WantToBeNormalAgain]

Hi there,

Just reading through this thread and wanted to say hello and great job on 16 days!! Great for you!! I only scrolled through a bit, but the whole dream thing, happens to me all the time, I guess it's pretty common from what I've heard.
Congrats on the sobriety, and so nice to hear it's agreeing with you so well!! Hope things continue on the same path, if not better!! Take care!

[dede2121]

my back hurts. my dog stinks. the cat wont get out of my room and my daughters dog is begging for some of my crackers and canned cheese. lol..i love cheese in a can.
life is good!

[dede2121]

lol..jeff you are funny. were you my 100th post. i dont know how to look that up but i will see if i can.
gosh i didnt realize i talked so much. i always thought i was the shy quiet one.

you all are so wonderful to respond to me. it's like i go to a meeting and then come home and have another meeting with you all. i love it.

it is great to be free 16 days. a couple of weeks ago i would have never thought i would feel so good. now i know i am not at 100% yet but i am getting there.

at the meeting tonight some man was talking about when he finally realized he had a problem. good topic. i have been fighting this for years, thinking i dont have a problem and i could control it. i stopped using many times only to go back to it.
many times i would pray to God to please let me understand what is wrong with me. many times i felt my prayers went unanswered. but this last time they were. i really, really get it this time. not sure why i get but i do. maybe i finally hit bottom and had nowhere to go but up. it really is amazing at the change in myself. i feel like doing things again. i prowled with my brother all weekend. had dinner with my son and brother saturday night. cant remember the last time i did that. i would never go anywhere with anyone because i just wanted to take my pills and be left alone. it was a lonely life on pills.

[jeffclowns]

just trying to be your 100th post dede....have a great night...lol...you rock.....