me again

[dede2121]

i joined a couple months ago thinking i would stop this. well i got back into my old habits. now this is what i don't get, how can i be addicted taking one maybe one and a half a day. and sometimes not everyday. sometimes i will go 2 days without. what is the problem?

[ImDONENoMore]

Obviously I don't know your wife but I like her already.  :-)

[eyeofhorus2010]

Dede, how loved are you huh? You're about to hit 100 posts on your thread. I never got more than a dozen I think. Some people are just blessed with a great personality I guess. lol...see ya tomorrow.

[eyeofhorus2010]

You're right, I forgot to add that part about telling the spouse.
I came clean with every gambit I used to get them and I also explained in great detail how to spot if I'm using. Like my mood being better than usuall, speaking too fast, over the top generousity.....just everything I could think of.

I love my wife, she's a little more than a foot shorter than me and would fit in my pocket, but I'm a little scared of her just the same. I don't want to have to confront that little tasmanian devil anytime soon. lol...

[ImDONENoMore]

Exactly.  That was the one of the main things that I did differently.  I simply had to make myself accountable.

I had to tell my husband exactly what I was doing to get the pills and exactly how many I was taking.  All of the sneaky behaviors that I knew he would pick up on had I started to act that way again.  I had to call all of my Dr.'s and tell them I could no longer take the medications, that I had a very, very serious problem with them, and I had to contact the pharmacy and tell them as well.  I remember feeling so liberated but so PANICKED when I did this.  I could no longer "hide" my life and now everyone knew.  Whew.  That was HUGE.  I had just completely cut myself off from all access.  I had never felt so scared in my life.

Hiding this addiction keeps you sick and it had to stop for it to be OVER.  I believe this was pivotal to my success in staying clean.  Hard step, but a must.

[eyeofhorus2010]

Hey Dede, glad to hear you're doing okay and keeping busy. One day at a time is right. I agree with Jeff's post about stopping in here to pass along some of the advice and experience we got to others.

I can see me having the same problem as you with getting by here as much as I did this past week or so. The holidays', x-mas parties starting to ramp up and work will soon start to consume more and more time. I think my many relapses occured because I didn't talk about it or what was going through my mind. I didn't give myself very good counsel during those clean times and soon enough I would start using again, I mean why not? right? Nobody knew I was quitting, shoot, nobody even knew I was using to begin with so it was easy to talk myself into doing it just this one time. I hope coming here as much as possible will make me feel more accountable.  That's my theory anyway.

Good to hear from you again Dede, Have a fantastic evening and keep doing what your doing. Seems to be working quite well for you. Day 16! That's huge.

[jeffclowns]

hey dede congrats on day 16 glad to hear your doing very well and working and going to meetings and keeping your mind occupied ,really i think that's what make's a lot of people relapse is just pure boredom like there's nothing else to do why not use ,that's why i think it's good to keep yourself busy stay away from bad influences and keep that drug headed mind that we all on here have or had occupied you know and take it one day at a time that's what i seem to have noticed and i think just even talking with your friends on med help there just good drug free people and we get newbies all the time and try to help them as the elders have helped us get to where we are in our recovery ..i mean that's how i feel may be right may not be but so far it's working out great,keep up the great progress dede your doing just awesome ,god bless...jeff...