Sacrafices And Change

[gizzy32]

When I first got clean i had to make a lot of changes. I could no longer hang out with friends that used, i would always fail thinking I could be around drugs and not use. I pretty much stopped going to bars as that would get me excited and reminded me of coke days. I have finally stopped drinking (40 days) because many times it would set off cravings so strong it would ruin my night and contributed to some relapses. I find not drinking now sorta tough even though I am not an alcoholic, I just feel out of place sometimes and i like the odd cold beer. I gave up a few things in order to keep my sobriety and sometimes it's hard to stick to it, but I am not complaining, wouldn't trade it for anything now. Each one of us has had to make sacrafices to stay on top and was hoping to hear a couple changes you have had to make since quitting?

It's Good Friday, so why do i feel like partying today? I am not craving, just feel wired and happy this morning and that is a trigger, lol.

[worried878]

u will do oay giz..i have had 2 friends call today cryng..easter is a family time...all should be well in happy lil households and sometimes it taint...so people feel triggers.specially after separations of some sort....even just being a friday could be a trigger for me at one time..just a night to go out and hav fun,,,thanx giz for sharing

[shannonhoon]

I did a lot of thinking today about changes I'll have to make.  I've decided to join NA, I can at least speak to people who'll understand me and have a new circle of friends, so that's an upside for change.  Downside I won't have my crutch cause those little pills were nirvana.  Just a little bite would make my world perfect again, now there's things I have to deal with and I feel raw.  To think I started taking those because of physical pain and wound up abusing them because of emotional pain and wound in the worst f'n pain I've ever faced.  I'm just glad I'm still here because I tried to slash my wrists at the height of the tremors and body pains but I was too weak and uncoordinated to manage, my poor husband found me in the bathroom in a mess of blood, it's going to leave a scar but it doesn't look like a suicide attempt, it's a jagged cut.

[firefish]

I think the best thing about getting clean for me is that I didn't have to change.  I probably would have alienated eveyone dear to me if I kept on.  I didn't exactly get close to the edge, but I could see it from where I stood.  Not a day goes without me thanking God, the stars, fate, whatever, that I still have my home, my wife, my children and my life.

Ayuh....Life is Good.

[gizzy32]

Thanks for the feedback everyone, recovery is about change.

beating this, I do see my family almost everyday, i work for them also, lol. This year i don't have to work with them as much cause im going on my own with the business, this will be one less trigger, they drive me crazy, haha. change is good:)

[outotown]

I agree with all comments, had to change my mind the most, and just say i cant do drugs anymore, i had lots of friends before i got hooked and then i be came a herrmit, and now im just getting my GOOD FRIENDS back clean friends. When i was using i was too embrassed to let my real friends no. I end up having to tell them and they fell all over me with love and support!! Also I have to amen to newgril someone said that satan can be in only one place at one time!! If thats true he has to live at my house cuz i have to fight him everyday as soon as i wake up.

[kim715]

I changed EVERYONE I spoke to outside of my family.I didn't have any true friends left,they were all 'drug buddies' or connections.I changed my phone numbers.I changed the grocery store I used to shop at in fear of running into one of my dealers.Two of them lives just a few blocks away from the store and I used to meet up with them in the parking lot to buy my pills.I had to change the expectations I had of myself as far as what is physically and humanly possible to achieve in one day.I sacrificed the total absence of pain.I still deal with the back pain that started me using the pills in the first place.I had no tolerance for pain of any kind.I was someone who thought if I got a paper cut I needed to pop a few extra pills to take the sting away.My husband has pointed out many good changes in me.I'm not so mean or so confrontational.I'm more laid back and I don't have such high,unrealistic expectations of him or my kids.I was fueled by all that false energy the pills gave me and I expected for everyone else around me to do way above and beyond what a normal person,whos not using,can complete in one day.I live in the moment now.My mind isn't always preoccupied with the pills.I enjoy the little things in life,the ones that mean the most,like watching a movie with my grandbaby or just having a conversation with my hubby or my kids.Before I was there,but I really wasn't and I'm sure you all know what I mean by that.Life is good again.Great post Gizzy,as always.......Kim

[newgirl2708]

Not to be too 'preachy' is that a word? Anyhow....You mentioned Good Friday and Easter...the Holiest of weeks...Satan loves to 'play' with us...HARD. Ever notice that Sunday mornings are filled with fighting in the house with everybody trying to get ready for church? Man oh man...he's alive and well trying to get everyone mad enough to just stay home and hate each other..It happens at my house...maybe it happens in someone elses.....I know all holidays and birthdays are triggers, but since this was mentioned, I thought I'd share some insight someone shared with me and I haven't forgotten it. It made sense. Hope this does for some here too.
Good post.
Take Care,
ng ;)

[10356]

I really did not have to make life altering changes with getting clean.. I used alone and had a very air tight way of getting my drugs this last time.. although at the expense of my husbands record.. I took that to the edge. but stopped before I caused him to be known as a seeker.. mine was more of a acceptance.. that if I continued I would die.. that my kids would live with the knowledge that their mother did not care enough about herself or them.. Of my past.. acceptance that I would die without truly living.. Once I had help with my phyc.. acceptance and letting go.. I have picked up things to do too fight the cravings as they will always be with me.. gardening and a camera have filled a void.. and the love I have for life now.. is as a butterfly touching each flower.. it is all new and wonderful.. Great post as usual Gizzy :) lesa

[10356]

I really did not have to make life altering changes with getting clean.. I used alone and had a very air tight way of getting my drugs this last time.. although at the expense of my husbands record.. I took that to the edge. but stopped before I caused him to be known as a seeker.. mine was more of a acceptance.. that if I continued I would die.. that my kids would live with the knowledge that their mother did not care enough about herself or them.. Of my past.. acceptance that I would die without truly living.. Once I had help with my phyc.. acceptance and letting go.. I have picked up things to do too fight the cravings as they will always be with me.. gardening and a camera have filled a void.. and the love I have for life now.. is as a butterfly touching each flower.. it is all new and wonderful.. Great post as usual Gizzy :) lesa

[beatingthis]

Really nice post! I lost my dad in Sept and mom is a nursing home 3 hours away. It took the death or my dad, my rock, to make me see the light.
The freedom that has come with being clean is eye opening. I deal with these walls in a whole new way now.

I am sorry you can't see your family but I bet one day you will be able to face them. Clean and be proud.

All holidays are tuff for me. Now that I am not numb anymore.

Happy Easter Gizzy! Can I be part of your family?

Terry

[dominosarah]

Oh man....what are my changes??  I had to say goodbye to the most seductive lover i had ever had....my pills.  It has been like learning to walk again.  For me it has been a total transformation.  I hadnt known what it was like to be clean since i was a young teenager. Old aquaintances are gone, the painful events that i have buried for so many years i have let surface and deal with.  Some i am still finding a place for but i will get there......i am a work in progress.

You had best be a good lil giz today....i have my spare umbrella sitting by the door and i will come over there and use it!!!!!                       MP

[gizzy32]

You have come such a long way and kicked one of the toughest addictions. That is a big sacrafice not seeing family this weekend, but it would be my choice too, haha. Good to see you posting on here lostdreams. Don't worry, i will be a good lil giz today, uggg.

[lostdreams]

I had to move 400miles to change. If i hadnt have done that....i wouldnt have got clean and i would probably be dead now!
I realise my BIGGEST trigger is going back to my home town...i ALWAYS see people i used with....and we all know where that leads us too.LOL I wanted to go home this week for Easter, but i KNEW it would be a big mistake, so i sacrificed seeing family and friends....to stay clean...of which i am glad!!

Gizzy: You make sure you dont listen to your head if its telling ya to party! Being happy can be a trigger as we like the feeling of pleasure from the happiness and we want to try and intensify that feeling a million times over....knowing drugs can do that....HOWEVER....we all know thats not a good idea eh? Keep ya chin up hun....AND keep your a*s on here if ya have too.