need advice or at least an answer to a question

[flyforfish]

Hey sorry to bother you folks again, but I kinda made a temporarily fell off the wagon. Anyway here's the question.  I've been on subs since the beginning of October but they are a pain in the butt to actually take. That and I end up so badly backed up that somtimes I intentionally allow myself to go into withdraw just to clear every thing out (I know TMI) anyhow an opportunity to get some 30 mg roxies for cheap 15 bucks a piece so I jumped on it and bought 4 ate 2, and banged 2. I'm still a little messed up and my wife will be home soon and I need to straighten up Pronto.  So if I take a sub, will it push the Oxy off my receptors and sober me up.  Please help this was just one slip, and I'm going back on my subs tommorow. Please help time is a factor here.  Thanks from an idiot

[flyforfish]

Headed to Galveston for the night for my birthday with the wife.

[flyforfish]

Headed to Galveston for the night for my birthday with the wife.

[jifmoc]

Ha Ha, Bonnie. You are referring to Keith Richards (my idol) and, yup, that's a big rumor. You should read about Keith's idiocy in obtaining his heroin and his horrific detoxes. They are noteworthy because they're just like us. No one gets a free pass in detox. Not even Keef!

Yep, I'm lightening the mood, too. So, what's going on today, fly?

[NeverAgain127]

Hey, a blast from my past:

It was rumored that the members of The Rolling Stones, sometime in the late '60's-early '70's were so addicted to drugs that they went to some super secret exclusive hospital in Sweden and had all their blood drained out and new blood put in.

I always thought the story was BS...the drugs are in our tissues, organs, etc.

But I thought I'd lighten the mood for a minute..

[flyforfish]

I've really never heard of any other treatments other than suboxone methadone, or rapid detox under anesthesia.

[flyforfish]

What are some of the other options?

[Melfy]

No judgement here, but to hit the beginning of your problem, using an enema, no matter how icky it sounds, will soften the stool and allow you not to have such a pain in the butt. Maybe suboxone isn't the right taper tool you need. Because, if you are immediately going to roxy and oxy so fast, maybe it's time to talk to the doctor about a different treatment, and definetely time to reach out to a local NA AA or All Anon chapter so you can people to lean on when you are suffering through the pain of opoid pain, dependence and withdrawal. Suboxone does relieve the opiates in your system, and I'm sorry if too personal here, but it's a bit scary to see you go back to old habits of opiates knowing this.
Also, after taking suboxone for a bit, your tolerance you have felt for opiates goes down, and you put yourself in a dangerous position in self dosing. I don't want to sound preachy preachy to you. You sound like someone who is hurting, who has reached out to get help, and the help you found is not working. There are other methods of opiate treatment, have you tried those, and do you have a sponsor or a sober friend who can help you?
Also, seriously, enemas will clear you up. TMI I know but they do work,

[jifmoc]

Robin, I wish there was a way to gold star your post...I agree w every single word!!!

Please take heed, fly!

[NeverAgain127]

So there ya go.   The relapse started in your head.  

A program of recovery isn't even an option for you, imo.  It's a necessity.  I don't know why folks are so afraid of 12 step groups.   Yes, there are some really weird ones, but there are groups that literally save people's lives.   Find Open Stand Up meetings, sit in the front and just LISTEN.  You'll hear a bunch of stories, and then you'll hear your own.  

They can be scary..n/a especially can be hard-core, but there are a zillion A/A meetings around and I've been to some that I will literally NEVER forget; they made such a lasting impression on me.   I saw a biker from Hell's Angels get up and cry like a baby (he had the whole room in tears) talking about his obsession with booze and drugs.)   Another group had a 79 year old nun who was secretly drinking and taking pills.  Man, I will always remember her.  Her story touched the lives of at least 40 people in the room that night.

The program works.  It really, truly does.    If there is something you don't like, then ignore it.  But get into something that forces you to face your disease with other like-minded folks.  'Cause that little slip of yours is a red flag.  

Bless you honey...now go to a meeting!

Hugs
-Robin

[flyforfish]

Yeah I'll find a meeting to go to tomorrow, I had honestly been having dreams about getting high and stuff lately it's been a bit of a mental obsession. I can see how it happened. I didn't even get the dudes number, so no repeat business I just wasn't even thinking how close this was to my appointment. Which also turns out to be my birthday, but I forgot that too

[NeverAgain127]

I remember you...I'm sorry this happened to you.   They say that relapses happen WAY before we actually take the pill or whatever it is.   It starts in our heads first...I think you absolutely have to find an N/A group that works for you and then go every single day...cling to it like you did the drugs at one point.   There are all KINDS of different groups out there..some are really rough, some raw, some more compassionate...go out there and visit a dozen different ones and make one your home group.  

Get to know people, exchange numbers...honey, you would really benefit from a sponsor.  

That soul crushing depression you described...that is exactly the kind of stuff you drag yourself to a meeting and just spill to everyone.  They'll get you through it, trust me.   There is magic in a room full of people who want to get well....I don't mean to come off like a 12-step Nazi, but it's worth trying, as you said, you have "0" answers right now.

Good luck sweetie.  Stick around here.  

Hugs,
-Robin

[flyforfish]

Yeah there's prescribed to me I'm supposed to see my sub doc Friday he drug test me every time hopefully yesterday's Oxy will be long gone by then. I don't know what would happen if I did test positive he holds my xanax script too, so if I were to be cut off I would be beyond totally screwed.

[vicki595]

Okay. I know what you mean. There's really no right path; we have to find our own way and you've tried but, so far, nothing has really worked. Maybe the right NA group will help, I do t know.

What I do know is that support at home, where you spend much of your time, is really important and you've got that. I know it seems like your wife is the police but she's trying to help you. Then, avoiding those situations that tempt you...and being able to say NO when the pills just fall at your feet! And mean it!

So much of recovery depends on our own personal desire to stop abusing drugs. You have to want it more than anything. Like life or death. And you have to say no...Believe me, it gets much easier as time goes by.

So,make the decision right now that you don't want another situation like yesterday. You and life itself can be so much better than THAT!

Are the Subs prescribed to you?

[flyforfish]

Obviously I could have just said no,lol.  Seriously not funny though.  No I am no longer doing any therapy.  I had an addiction specialist I saw him twice, we both kinda just looked at each other funny trying to figure out how to get the ball rolling. So I stopped seeing him because it was just costing money and nothing was coming out of it. I'll probably go stop in on a NA meeting sometime soon to see if I can find a better group. I just feel screwed, like there is no right path for me to take. Sometimes I think I'd just like to see my self destructive tenancies all the way through, and the next day I'm gonna beat this my life is gonna be awesome. It's starting to seem more and more like a pipe dream though. I dunno. I have 0 answers.

[vicki595]

Are you getting any adjuvant therapy and counseling while you're  taking Sub?
You need a way to deal with this situation of drugs crossing your path...and you have a lot at stake!  How can you avoid this happening again? You need to make a plan now for that eventuality.

[flyforfish]

Hey everyone yeah I'm the guy that's super paranoid about my wife. She's not tolerant to the idea any mess ups whatsoever. Next one she finds out about she's gone. I really stumbled upon the roxies, I wasn't looking for them or anything they kinda found their way to me.  It's a one time mistake that won't happen again. The reason I have been on suboxone for a few months is that every time I quit any opiods and stay off long enough to get past being sick I get like 2 days where I feel good about being clean, and then it hits just crushing depression and anxiety that there is just no possible way to live with. So I either go back to my DOC or last time I got on subs. I've honestly been doing really well with it other than this one slip up. I don't want to be on it for the rest of my life or anything, but I do need an exit strategy.

[dominosarah]

Our secrets keep us sick~

[Chell123]

Fly, I totally understand where you are and I suggest to use sub with caution if still using other drugs. I have read this site for last year to year and a half and never posted. But I can tell you I have recently went on a step down program with my doctor. I took some sub early in morning couple weeks ago and felt withdrawals coming on and got some heroin to help. I did nothing different than I had a thousand other times but this time my 15 year old son came out and found me almost dead on the couch!! Yes I had od and they said if it was not for him I would be dead. Sub has to be closely monitored and you cannot take anything else with it or it becomes very dangerous. I wish you the best of luck with what you decide to do. But be careful

[jifmoc]

Fly, nice to see you!

Sorry, I don't remember but aren't you the one that is in a lot of anxiety about your wife staying w/ you? I think so.

I don't have an answer to your last question but you prob know what I'm gonna say.You may be on subs but you are still totally acting like an addict. The fact that you even had access to the roxies shows that you are not behaving clean in any way. Why have you been on subs since Feb? That's way too long. Not to mention it's questionable that you "need" them at all.

I know I sound harsh, I'm sorry. It's hard to watch. Please, my friend, do some soul searching. What on earth will keep you from just getting "a few" roxies because of (fill in the blank.) You need aftercare if you wanna stop this chaos.

I wish you the best, and I hope you stick around:)

[flyforfish]

Thanks everyone for your help. Strangely this is what ended up happening.  I decided to take a nap and try to sleep it off before she got home, once she got in her car she called and woke me up.  This is seriously the worst headache I've EVER HAD but I have no other symptoms to suggest withdraw.  So she gets home to find me writhing in pain and I mentioned I hadn't taken my subs for the last few days.  So she went and grabbed one for me and I took half of it, and now I feel alot better.  I still feel really weird, but what would you make of that?

[Krissy_123]

You've been in regular w/d's from the oxy right? Think 10 times worse and longer.

[Krissy_123]

No,if you take the subs it will put you in full on w/d's. You'll be sick,and it can last a long time from what I just googled. Slip up one time or not. Still works the same way I guess.

[flyforfish]

Will I be sober though I don't want to do it for nothing I've never had precipitated withdraws this is my first and only **** up since I've been on subs

[vicki595]

It will throw you into precipitated withdrawal if you took the oxycodone within the last several hours; nothing to do with slipping up. But, it's up to you...