norco withdrawal again.. yeah I know

[xxxc123]

Hi everyone.   Im a 33 year old female with three kids.  I went cold turkey three weeks ago even got to day six and stupid me I  got my  90 norco refill.  That was filled on the  23 I took my last one yesterday around 6:00.  I have not done the math yet but im sure its well over a couple a day.  What the hell was I thinking?    So now im starting over 21 hours in.  Does anyone know if my withdrawal will be as bad?  Im willing to do this and I know how stupid I am so please don't tell me about myself.  
  I even said before I got them " ive got another buzz in me but I don't have another withdrawal.  "   so what the hell is wrong with me.  Im done.  I can get more but I don't want this anymore.  Y he six days I had clean my life was so clear and I realized how much I missed out on ny kids life.  I think the guilt overwhelmed me.  Of course I have no health insurance so counselling isn't an option.   I just want to make it. Does anyone know if this will be the same hell I faced not even a month ago or will it be easier because I didn't use for about a week?  Not going to quit if it  is hard just a question.  I know I was addicted  for a long time so I do deserve this. Thanks for the help

[IBKleen]

I spoke with you yesterday about going to a meeting. Just one. I gave you the link to find one near you. You want some self worth? We can try and do that here for you hun but nothing replaces that one on one hug you will get at a meeting and sitting with a group of people you just met and finding out that they know EXACTLY what you are feeling and going through. My fear for you is that you won't hang on unless you do something right now. I can see you slipping and it hurts me to see you like this. It does not have to be this way. Please, please get help.

[xxxc123]

I wonder why those people at the party could not read my face. Like those charts in the hospital. Number one is happy and great and number ten is terrible and in pain. Lol im pretty sure I looked like I wanted to just melt away.  If u guys see some one else who feels like me may b you could help them feel better.  Its not anyone s job but some people need it.

[xxxc123]

Thank you!   Please also pray that I can get some self worth of some kind

[IBKleen]

You are in my prayers too sweetie. Be good to yourself tonight.

[xxxc123]

Thank you so much I really really need the prayers!

[meegWpaw]

I will remember you in my prayers soon as I finish this post cliner.  you are doing great!  your still clean!!!  wow girl parties are hard even on years of recovery!  take it easy on yourself.  what a story you have my heart goes out to you I am so sorry.  it will take time to feel good about yourself.  but you can start now!  you are doing this!  what a wonderful thing!  you are giving this gift to yourself and taking care of you.  that is great!  that makes you a helluva lot taller than all those people at the party stacked one on top of the other in my eyes!  :)