saying goodbye to an old friend

[Susan252]

This is like letting go of an old friend or mate, the obsession of the drug is powerful, and the anxiety is at high peaks.  Now I am taking muscle relaxers to help calm my nerves, I do have a lot of xanax but I refuse to take them to give me relief cause I have been down that road before.  I realize now how I was popping those hydrocodone like candy, they made me feel so good, physically, mentally and socially.  A false sense of security they are, I can't function without them now.  I am trying not to beat myself up about this, I'm human, and living in this world is not easy.  I was in a 12 step program for 5 years and felt great, my head was clear, I was happy, got on a spiritual path, and then I quit going.  It was AA, but I don't drink that much, a glass of wine a week maybe, now anyway, I really need to be in narcotics anonymous.  I don't want this to happen again.  I came close to driving myself to the emergency room today, I just want to be done with this, and going cold turkey scares the heck out of me, some can do it, it's not for me.  See my primary dr. was prescribing my pain medicine with 5 refills each visit, so I had all I wanted, this is very rare I know.  I abused them, and the pharmacy kept filling 120 of them every two weeks.  Amazing.  Now in pain management, they control the doses with no refills.  I understand the dr.s don't want us od ing on these things.   It is not their fault, I am the one who put them into my body.  Honest I think sets us free.  No more hiding.  When I go to pain management on wednesday, I am going to request that blood pressure medicine to get off these cause my blood pressure has been 168/99 which is very high for me.  I hope somebody can relate to this story.  I still think that I am creating a lot of anxiety myself, I've had anxiety problems before, not chronic but definately have a history of panic attacks.  My question is, is there any detox or treatment center that only lasts a week in tampa florida?  I have looked online and a lot of them are 30 days, maybe that's what I need I don't know.  Thank you for all your support everyone, you are all wonderful people, I think all addicts have big hearts.  Susan

[TakingAction]

I agree with peace.  Nothing good ever comes from the pills.  Take one, and it's back to the start of a vicious cycle.  If you think you would benefit from an inpatient program, that might be the way to go.

Either way, there is a lot of strength to borrow on this site,  these people care and will assist you in every way.

Let us know how u are.

Matt

[peaceinknowing]

I think it's safe to say that everyone has a story, whether similar to others or not. I commend you for being honest with all of us here on the forums as well as yourself. It took me a long time to start pointing the finger at me for putting the pills in my mouth, and not focus on who was delving them out to me every other week, like your doctors have been with you it sounds like. Nothing negative can come from getting off the pills, and you can only go up from here. Keep posting, and try to keep us all informed with how everything is going for you. Updating the site as much as possible assists with getting your mind off of all the physical aspects of withdrawl, this I can promise you.

[Bearclaw2]

Relate to your story? Oh yes my friend, althought my Darvocet addiction is much lighter we are similar in that my Doctor also gave me 120 with 5 refills for 8 years no questions asked. Like you I would NEVER blame him and it's fantastic you don't either. Your sole responsiblity is very admirable but NEVER beat up on yourself in ANY way. We are human, we fall, we get up again and out human spirit soars even higher than before from the learning experience. It may help to change your mind form 'letting go of an old friend' to letting go of an 'old enemy'. I am new here and careful, but I suggest giving yourself a break with the xanax as it can give you a little peace while knowing it's very temporary until you get over the main withdraw and you sound responsible with it. You might get the 'runs' for a while but that is because your bowels can be overactive from being surpressed for so long. What a great new life you've begun, good for you, stay in touch we're all pulling for ya !!

[sid3]

It's more like saying goodbye to your worst enemy. I know someone who got back from a three month inpatient treatment for a heavy oxy habit. Three weeks later he started smoking pot, it is only a matter of time until the pills start up again. My point is, sobriety is only achievable when you really want it. 3 days or 30 days doesn't really matter. Good luck with your recovery, I wish you well.

[CATUF]

I would go to the full 30 days if I was you . . . in fact, I believe that most people would greatly benefit from go in-patient for a much longer period.  There is a high correlation between length of treatment and actually reaching sustained recovery.

My main problem was drugs, but I go almost exclusively to AA.  I've been to NA, but I (also 51) always feel like the old man in the room there. I don't find any substantive difference in the programs - the 12 Steps are the 12 Steps - and I think addiction is addiction, regardless of what your drug of choice might be.  Both programs are all about learing to be joyous, happy and free in life without consuming any mood or mind altering substances.

Good luck.

CATUF
1559

So, it helps me more to be in a group that's a better fit.

[DandMe]

I also live in Va and would love to hear from you regarding the 3 day dextox center.  I'm trying to wean my self off of perc 10's, I'm down to 2 a day, but I don't have enough pills to go down slower than every 2 days per decrease.  What ever info you can give me would help. thanks Mary

[Susan252]

Yes I am interested in the 3 day detox, what did they do?  Do you just go there and suffer instead of staying home?  Please let me know, thanks, susan

[salsinator]

Hi Susan, Everyone on this site can relate to what you are going through.  It looks like you have been on this site before, so you know how people here can help and support you.  I don't know about rehab centers in FL, but I did go through a detox in VA and they have a 3-day medically assisted program for hydrocodone detox.  I would be happy to share more with you if you are interested.  Keep your head high, you are taking the first step towards renewed recovery.