Day 4 & wanting some sleep!!

[Hangenn]

Hi!  I'm new here & very impressed with the support I have seen. It is really inspiring. I took lorcet for, well, I really don't know for sure. Sad right!  I started being prescribed pain meds about 10 years ago. I had no issues for several years. About 7 years ago I lost a baby at 24 weeks pregnant to a rare genetic dissorder. Looking back now, I realize that's when I started self medicating. I wound up taking anywhere from 15-20 each day. My biggest issue is that no one & I mean no one know I have this problem. I had become a very good actress. I tried to quit many times but of course wasn't really ready. I said to myself that the w/d's were too bad or my pain was too bad. Now I realize that I just wasn't ready. I'm ready now!!!  I'm on day 4. I don't have any desire to take a pill. All I want is my life back. I want to be the wife/mother/daughter that my family deserves. Heck!  I wanna be the person I deserve for me!  I have wanted to quit for over a year but couldn't take off work. I guess God answered when I got laid off 3 weeks ago. No more excuses. I started tapering to 10 per day.  When that was easy I went down to as few as I could. I took half a pill a couple times a day until Thursday when I took the last one I ever want to put in my body. The hardest thing for me is not being able to talk about it. My family would not understand because of other family members issues & please don't say they would surprise me. I'm the one they hold to a higher standard & they would not understand. My husband would not be able to get past the lies. He would understand the addiction but leave because of the lies. I know this for a fact. So here I am for the fourth night @ 2:30 in the am all alone with my crazy thoughts & my arms that feel like they're gonna walk off my shoulders. Sorry for going on but I guess that's the first time that I have ever said these things to anyone.  Thanks for listening!  Good luck to you all! You are all extremely brave & making a very big difference for people like me!!  Keep it up!

[Hangenn]

Thank you all for the responses & the support. I finally fell asleep bout 4 & just woke up. Thank God for that blessing!  Seems the arms feel a little better but we will see tonight when it is the worst. I will respond to you all a lil later as I have to go find the strength to be superwoman again today!! Lol. It is getting easier day by day!!  Thanks again & may God bless each of you through this day!

[LeaAnn807]

Hi!  Congrats!!!  Quitting is hard.  Staying that way is harder.  You should really consider finding someone to talk with about it.  That said, insomnia is the worst and longest lasting symptom for most people, me included.  Sleep comes back though! : )  Good news, right?  Bad news is that it's not immediate.  You just have to sleep when you can.  Take some melatonin and a dose of Nyquil at bedtime for a night or two.  Also, getting up and getting some exercise helps a lot too.  I had the restless arms thing, and I tried everything.  Not much helps that!!!  I found Nyquil to help it more than anything else.  Try that, but don't go over the recommended dose, and don't take it for very long.  

Good luck!! : )  I'm cheering for ya!

[TooThoughtfulDan]

I am several weeks into staying way from vicodin and I can totally relate to the "crazy" thoughts! You sound very sincere about wanting your life back, and I hope you find the inner strength and encouragement from others to continue with your success.  My addict brain keeps my mind full of never ending debates and self doubts.  I have to so something, like go swimming, cook a nice meal for my wife, read these posts, watch an unusual movie, go to church, etc., to get out of my never ending internal personal drama for awhile.  I like trying things out that I read on this forum.  I really like the success stories.  You come across in your post as someone who really wants to be free of the slavery to pills so many of us are battling.  Many of the people here say that withdrawals are 2/3 mental and 1/3 physical.  When I am fighting demons, I do not have the support of my wife.  I have lied so many times she does not trust anything I say about pills.  When I read your statements about that, it touched part of me personally.  Forgive my rambling, but this post is meant as a personal note of encouragement and congratulation.  It is also about not falling victim to the addict side of ourself when we are getting clean (for me this is the occasional message that is whispered in my mind, "Nobody really understands the real you, you might actually do well with using only a little, you can control it). I really have to watch myself.  Addiction is cunning, baffling, and powerful.
You are in my prayers, may God bless you.
Dan

[salsinator]

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on quitting the lortabs.  That is not easy.

Your story is like so many of us, but family or some other form of support is critical. Since it appears that you cannot talk with your family, continue to use this website for support, but there is also a lot of other resources available in your community, like NA and community treatment programs.  Check on the web or your local phone book for some of these confidential resources.  I am lucky, I do have family support, but have been battling addiction for over 20 years.  Just relapsed after 2 years clean time two weeks ago, it's not easy, but we can stay clean with support.  Talk with some of the others here on this site that live in the same place that you do and they may able to give you some advice on support resources.   Your doctor may also be able to refer you to some confidential therapy as well.  Hold your head high, you will make it.  4 days in is usually the point where you start to improve quickly and tapering was the right tHing to do.  Sleep can take some time because your brain needs to heal.  Take a good hot bath before bed and get some exercise, that does help.  Over the next couple of weeks you will start to sleep better.  Don't fret, it's amazing what your body can take.  All the best to you.

[donewpills]

great job on making the decision to be done that is the first step and good ob on day 4. I hear u with a lot of these issues i too lost a baby at 13 weeks got pregnant 3 months later and lost that baby at 14 weeks i ended up having a surgery and just had my first son almost 8 months ago wht a blessing:) however still i started using agian ugh how dumba re we that we keep doing this to ourselves i want to kick myself. Also i stayed clean for over 3 years and just recently started again my family is also NOT supportive they dont understand addiction and i jsut started talking to my mom again after almost 4 years i could never let her know this. i am fortuantatee to have a great husband who does understand cuz he has been through thte same thing and we r quitting togherther again this time for real. he had a bad back and had back surgery a few weeks ago but it is time and we both know it. I would be on day 11 todya except i relapsed at day 7-10 i know stupid now i have to go through  this all over again DUH.... the restless sleepless nights got to me the 3 years i was clean i was totally fine never thought or craved them until they came back into my home. they r bad news. U will get ur life back and u will be so very happy. It takes a lot of time though that is where u have to hang on people think just gotta get through 3 days WRONG.. be prepared that u will have bad and good days but they do get better. U can do this look at all of us on here fighting this stupid disease.. we r supporting each other to get through this u will get lots of support here i just started my thread too... restless legs UGH the WORSE symptom by far and prob what made me relapse in the end i could not take it anymore after 48 straight hrs of restless legs and arms... i am going to try some remedies i have been told about hylands restless legs (foudn over the counter) cal-mag-zinc and eating lots of banannas. Hope this helps cheering u on and praying for EVEYONE on this forum

[ready4life]

Thank you for posting your story. I am in the tapering process and can't wait to be free of all of this. I just had a hysterectomy 3 weeks ago, but have been on percocet for months to control the pain from my endomitriosis. Now that I am well on my way to recovering from the surgery, and the endometriosis is gone, I want so badly to get off of the medication!!! Not sure how quickly I can get the tapering done....the sooner the better....but I will be on the other side of this ASAP! I have been through it with my other surgeries, so I know what you are feeling. My legs and arms are usually one of my worst symptoms too! Stay strong, you CAN do this! I know you feel horrible for lying to everyone, but if you aren't sure they will be supportive then just surround yourself with people who will support you while you are going through this. Don't feel guilty about taking care of this right now. Just take care of yourself. That's the best thing you can do for everyone involved!