Can't find a sponsor :( Want to drink

[lilyput]

well its been 5 weeks since i quit the booze. i attend AA mtgs regularly, read the big book, try to pray as much as possible, etc. my problem is that i cannot find a good female sponsor. i currently have a male temporary sponsor, but there are so many things i need to talk about that i feel funny talking to him about. like...when it's that time of the month and i feel like i want to use a flame thrower on anyone that talks to me one minute, and crying the next, and then sexual issues. my temp sponsor is a very nice man, and he's really working the program. he and i seem to have the same personality so i was immediately drawn to him for advice.

also he's cute and i'm afraid that i'll start trying to treat him like a mate or something. even though he told me straight out that he's not looking for sex, that it would never happen as he is really serious about staying sober...and i believe him or else i wouldn't have asked him to be my temp sponsor til i find a woman. i just can't seem to find a woman that i feel i have something in common with, ya know?

i'm just bummin. i want to drink and say screw it and act like i've never heard of AA.

please help.

ok i'm babbling.

[Joey1742]

Hi Im a bloke but a friend of mine told me once when he was in recovery somthing he di that realy helped him and it was to start doing the opposite of what he thought would work. To a certain extent I'd did. Why don't you try a sponsor that you never thought you would pick the least likley you might be surprised. All the best joey

[bel247]

MAYBE TRY SO WOMENS MEETINGS.................................THIS GUY SHOULD KNOW BETTER ANYWAY.GUYS DONT SPONSOR WOMEN

[Phtartist]

At most of the Home Groups (speaker meetings) I go to there is usually a temporary sponsor list.  Sometimes they have the temps. raise their hands.

Just trust that your higher power will do the pickin for ya.  It's a **** shoot.  Just jump in there and do it.  

You meet who you should for the experiences and lessons you need.  Sometimes meeting one person is so she can lead you to the one you are meant to meet.  Hang in there.

I always ask .......what is the worst that could happen?  Answer, it doesn't work out.  In the mean time you have been meeting other women and you probably have one right under your nose by then.

[FriaryGrad]

TJack is totally right -- you've got to keep going, and keep speaking up about the need to find a sponsor, even a temporary one, but definitely a woman.  I like the women's meetings a lot better.  No matter what your experience with women friends has been in the past, women in AA have been there, and can share your experience. You can even share that you are worried about being hurt by getting too close to a woman, because for some reason that seems to hurt worse if there is conflict later.  Just keep going to meetings and keep sharing.  I went to a meeting for 378 straight days when I got out of rehab (at the age of 53) and I now have almost 4 years (September 25th).  And I work full time, in a busy and fairly stressful job.  That's how important being sober is to me. Just do it....

[TJack]

The common thread we all share at AA is we are alcoholics.  So, listen to them talk and when they raise their hands, if they are willing to be a sponsor approach one of them.  You can do it.  It is so important!  TJ

[TJack]

I find the womens meeting i go to is a span of all different sorts of women.  I asked one to be my sponsor.  She has lived it for 26 years and knows her stuff and the book.
Don't give up, life is worth it.  Being sober is awesome.  Go to an all womens meeting and listen for several meetings.  One of those women will stand out to you.  Hang in there and i do not recommend a male sponsor.  Women and men don't think alike, you need a woman sponsor.  TJ

[Aims332]

Stay strong girl

[ibizan]

u need to find things that u have in common with the women there and not focus on how ur so different.My first sponsor was close to 60 and i was 28.She was an impaired nurse....she had an easy way about her,dignified,laid back and i could tell that she used the program to address her recovery/life issues.....she did walk what she talked!So don't compare urself outta the room with the women and there must be ONE there u can relate too!If ur going to the same meetings that gets stale.....try some different ones!

[lilyput]

yeah..i have problems trusting women. i don't trust men that much either, but whenever i am betrayed or hurt by a woman it seems as though i take it a lot harder. don't know why this is, but it is....

i don't really connect with the women at my AA group. well...the ones that are able to sponsor, anyway. just don't have much in common with them. but maybe i am being too closed-minded. i guess i just need to listen more and keep praying that i will find one.

yeah...having a male temp sponsor is just asking for trouble, no doubt. i need to find a woman quickly!!!

[ibizan]

grey8t words billy...and what u r doing for u is working!!:)))

[working dog]

the 40s are tough years to get through for lots of couples whether you drink or not...mid life stuff that seems to settle down in the 50s...finding ourselves...and becoming attracted to people that are more like us is what lots of us look for in our 40s....the opposites attract thing goes away and we notice people that like to do stuff that we like to do....but watch out ...below the surface it can get ugly...hope i don't get off topic here it's just with all the anxiety that goes on when you stop drinking people can be more vulnerable...drinking distroys a lot of relationships in one way or another...i don't know much about aa although i'm sure it's a good thing for lots of folks...i had really had it with alcohol and thought about quitting for quite a while..i wish i had quit when i was in my early 40s......i also have noticed lots of folks go back to drinking at a couple months..they think if they have made it a couple months then they can do it again...but it gets so much harder....you've got 5 weeks done thats great...good luck..billy

[ibizan]

whoa girl,not a good idea with a temp male sponsor......things do/can happen despite good intentions...there are NO women in the AA meetings u go to?do u have a hard time trusting women in general?r u thinking ur too different from the women in AA?i found a sponsor by listening to what the women were saying,were they incorporating the AA principles in2 their lives or just blabbing?also getting to know a lady outside of AA..going for coffee etc.is a necessity.there have got to be some women in AA where u r......also there are womens only discussion meetings...have u checked these out?