i need some advice please

[jazmin03]

Im a 18 yr old female with really bad anxiety and anger issues. When i was 15 i became a meth addict, im almost sure thats when the anxiety and anger issues came about. Fast forward a few months, i realized i needed help so i talked to my dad about it & he turned his back on me which made my habbit just worse and i dropped out of high school. I became friends with a woman who is 12 years older than me and we became so close, she was there for me and took me to this place for drug counseling...it worked for about 3 months then i relapsed. Anyways i turned 18 not long ago & been clean since September 23, 2015. I thought my anxiety & anger issues were just because of the meth so i thought it would stop after i stopped using but it got worse. For example when anyone says anything to me i get so mad that i feel irritated and super annoyed idk why and im sure it makes me seem like a total ***** when in reality i dont mean to be that way and that has caused me to not socialize with anyone i hardly even speak to my family even though we live in the same house. And quite often i get like anxiety attacks or so i think thats what they are...for instance, earlier today i was watching tv and there was a song on a commercial and the song sounded so dumb that i was livid & then suddenly felt worried for no reason, i felt my heart beat getting faster, i felt as if i can barely breathe i was hyperventalating (idk if thats spelled correct), i got cold chills, i felt like my mind was racing like i was going crazy so i started crying so hard and started punching myself on my head & face. Sometimes those symptoms happen for no reason especially when im trying to concentrate on falling alseep (i have an extremely difficult time falling asleep & staying asleep). I get these anxiety attacks about 5 times a week...anyways i dont even know if this is anxiety i think it is but honestly i dont know whats wrong with me but most importantly, i dont know how to stop this and now depressions kicking in big time...i been thinking so much lately on going back to meth but the only reason i havent used is because of my dog, i call her my therapy dog i became sooooo attached to her that i feel as if shes my child so to me if i go back to meth that means im letting her down so thats why i havent. Oh and i have a boyfriend whom i been with for 10 months but these problems in my head constantly create drama between me and him which makes me feel worse. I just need some advice or something please. Does anyone know what the **** is going on with me? Please help

[brice1967]

Congratulations on your sobriety!  That is key to your well being.  

What I would suggest is seeing a doctor and discussing matters with him/her.  Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand and left untreated can mean total disaster.  

The good news is, reaching out opens so many doors!  I too have battled anxiety and it sounds like we are very much alike when it comes to "taking it out" on ourselves when it comes to achieving goals.  You can still get your education and you can still go to do whatever you want to do.

I do firmly believe that seeing a doctor is the right first step.  it worked wonders for me.  Addressing what is causing the anxiety is going to take some work and it doesn't happen over night.  This is doable and I believe you have the strength and focus to get it done.

Good luck and reach out any time!

[Paxiled]

I would only say that doctors do not study mental illness and are just pill pushers because that's all they know how to do and don't know how to do that very well.  Psychologists are the best trained in psychology, and psychiatrists are the best trained in medication if that becomes necessary, but a regular doc isn't going to be much help for most people for mental issues, not because they're bad people or idiots but just because it's not an area taught much in their training.

[jazmin03]

Its been difficult to stay sober but im getting through it, thanks! And i honestly would be too embarrassed to go to a doc...

[jazmin03]

And i agree with Paxiled that doctors are pill pushers and i dont take that type of medicine...i prefer natural cures

[Paxiled]

First of all, you're 18, so life is going to be pretty full of stuff and changes for awhile.  You don't say if you're going back to finish school or not, so it might be you don't have any plan at a time when people are making plans -- they won't turn out as they think they will, but having goals to work toward makes life what it is even if it's just doing what it takes to survive every day.  And remember, you spent a long time in a drug culture and that's gone now -- you didn't just lose the drug, you lost the feeling of being an outlaw and of bonding with other outlaws.  You have to replace that with something more positive, and you have to replace the feeling of being high on drugs with the feeling of being high on something else -- and meth is a strong high (but one you can't maintain anyway so it's a rotten drug to get involved with).  Go easier on yourself and others and let us know what you want to do and what you're doing to get there.  And have you ever been in therapy to figure out why you turned to meth instead of, say, anything a bit less lethal?

[jazmin03]

Well when I was in high school my plan was to get my diploma and then go to beauty school but my life got flipped upside down before I even was able to finish that first goal. So i really dont know what im doing with my life right now... I think I'm just going to get a job and see what happens from there. I would like to go back to school but i cant seem to motivate myself & i feel that the school work will be too difficult for me since i missed school for so long. You mentioned that i should go easier on myself & on others and i really do try my best to be positive but my mind just doesnt cope sometimes. I dont know. And as for your last question, i dont really have an answer, i guess it was just curiousity that got me to meth and i wasnt interested in any other drugs at all, and when i tried it i loved the high and at that time i was having so many issues at home with my dad so that also made me not care about anything and i stuck to that drug.

[Paxiled]

Go back to school.  You can handle it.  My sister didn't do well at school because she liked being an outlaw more, but became a beautician and loved it.  If that's what you want, do it.  If it's not what you want anymore, find something else to want.  Meth is a strong high, and I imagine life seems dull without it, but you can feel that high now that you know what it feels like without needing to take the drug.  You didn't mention therapy, and I'd suggest you look into meditation and/or exercise -- both are ways of getting to that high without needing to take a drug to get there.  You're doing fine -- adapting to change is hard, but you're very very young, though you don't probably feel like it.  

[jazmin03]

Thanks for the feedback and im already looking for adult schools around my area that i can attend

[jazmin03]

And also im looking into meditation...seems like a great idea, thanks for the suggestion!