Cancer Phobia!

[johanni]

I seem to be spiralling badly with this health anxiety.First, it was a fixation with my heart.That has now been ruled out.Then, just as I started feeling better a new anxiety has taken its place .I now think I may have cancer!I thought I was doing well for a while accepting that my symptoms were not cardiac,but anxiety.Now its as if my my mind wont let me relax and is trying to find another basis for my recurring symptoms.Why cant I just accept it for what it is-my anxiety dissorder!I really am losing faith in my sanity.This is truly a nightmare condition to live with!!If only the symptoms went away,then I guess anxiety would not be a problem.Or is it the other way around,that subconscious anxiety is creating the symptoms.I GIVE UP!!!
Dimi.xx

[scaredjo]

health anxiety is awful so far i have had a brain tumour, numerous strokes, blood clots, cancers and now a dodgy heart!!!!! not bad for a 32 year old eh?
are you takin any medication or have you thought about therapy? its just a case of breaking the anxiety circle and trusting in yourself and the doctors
i have benifited from therapy maybe you should look into it
good luck
jo

[goodeys]

Hi Dimi,

Health anxiety officially *****! It takes over your life.
I too have had throat cancer, brain tumours, blood clots, heart failure and now a dissected Aorta. I feel like I too am going crazy, heaven forbid what I would be like if I actually had something wrong with me!

Unfortunately it is just one of those things that you have to ride out, and help yourself as much as you can. As Jo said, meds and theraoy can work wonders.

Good luck with it all and I am sure that you do not have cancer but are just going through a bad patch

Sam x

[johanni]

Thanks guys for your support.I need it at moments like this!!This whole thing has almost become like a habit,a habit I have to break,for the sake of my sanity.
Dimi.x

[cj29]

This is very typical in my opinion when dealing with health anxiety.  As soon as you get over one 'symptom' another 'symptom' takes its place.  First and foremost, realize that a lot of others in this forum are experiencing the same thing you are going through which is often comforting to know you are not alone.  Second, have you talked this over with anyone?  Talking it through is a very powerful tool in dealing with this.  Anxiety can be a very vicious cycle if you can not break out of it.  Keep us posted!

[kathyanne100]

Yep the same here. I have suffered on and off for years with Health Anxiety. The new one is a 'brain tumor' because of Tension headaches I've had for nearly 3 weeks. Seen GP three times she keeps trying to reasure me but when i get to this stage I just blip out. Not much help to you I know, just in the same boat.

[fi151080]

I have this too. From the age of 12 I have been obessed with various imagined lumps, dodgy moles and other symptoms. The obsessions take over my life at times and have gone worse since I had my children and the added fear of leaving them behind.
At the moment I am suffering with frequent urination and have myselof convinced I have ovarian cancer.
Going to the Dr tomorrow about the frequent urination and the anxiety too

[gigi4]

I too have suffered for many, many years from health anxiety.  My problem is worse though, because most of the time I can't bring myself to go to the doctor... I can't bear the thought that he'll confirm my worst fears.  I am petrified of tests such as scans, mri's or any kind of test that "might" reveal I have cancer or a terminal disease.  I know I suffer from anxiety however, medications such as  Paxil, Prozac, Effessor, even though they might help, give me insomnia for days!  Other drugs such as Xanax give me temporary relief but if I take them longer than 3 days I get very depressed, plus, they are so addictive.  I don't have money for therapy and my insurance does not cover it, what can I do?

[sunshine725]

This is exactly how I feel.  This is hell...

[jdb7560]

I'm a fellow health anxiety sufferer as well...

Here is what I think or thought I have had:

Heart attack, aortic dissection, abdominal aortic aneurysm, stroke (both bleeding and from a clot), pulmonary embolism, and pancreatic cancer. There are a few more, but those are the frequent ones.

Not sure where all this comes from. Is it chemical or are we obsessed with our mortality and fear of dying? Frankly, I think ignorance is bliss and I curse the internet for all the info it has. Had I not known of these conditions, would I fear them?

[sorolo]

I am also suffering with this. It all started with a recurring sore throat and of course my first instinct was to get on the internet and diagnose myself. A recurring sore throat is a sign of throat cancer of course. This isn't when the full blown anxiety rolled in it was just the beginning. From then on I would every now and then think that I had another symptom of cancer but never bothered to visit a doctor because I was able to write it off as my imagination running wild.

A couple of months ago I began having abdominal pain and decided to visit my old friend the internet for the solution. Once again, I was told this was a sign of cancer, pancreatic cancer. Of course the prognosis of pancreatic cancer is very poor so this sent me into a tale spin. I finally had the sense to make an appointment with my doctor to have it checked out. Of course he told me I was being crazy and I was too young to have pancreatic cancer (33) of course he also couldn't rule it out. I had what seemed to be a thousand test and the result was a faulty gall bladder.

About a week ago I had my gall bladder removed but because of misunderstanding what the surgeon said after the surgery, I convinced myself that I had suffered from either gall bladder cancer or melanoma that had spread. The pathology came back from the surgery and come to find out I did not have gall bladder cancer. This is great news right, oh no not for me. I then decided that I just had melanoma that had spread. This is of course pretty far fetched since I had an abdominal and pelvic CT scan that was completely normal. I convinced myself that a mole on my arm was malignant and that it had spread and the doctors just hadn't ( I should say haven't since I still believe this) caught it yet.

Today I went to the dermatologist and had him look at the mole. He tells me there is nothing to worry about and that it is fine. He did a biopsy just to make sure and told me to quit worrying about it. If it was only that easy. I keep telling my wife that I know this is all completely illogical but I still can't convince myself that I don't have cancer. Unfortunately, it is affecting my life greatly. Because of the thought of my impending death from cancer I can't enjoy time with my family or concentrate on anything. All I can think about is how my 18 month old will grow up without knowing his father.

I know I need help but this is he first place I have found with people with similar problems. I am going o be going nuts until the biopsy comes back on my mole and even though a trained professional has told me not to worry about it, that is just what I am going to do. No matter how illogical it is.

[fearfull]

April 21,2009

This is a difficult way to live.  The fear is horrible.  I have not gone to doctors for years because of it.  I am now going to a physician who is giving me a sedative and anti-depressent.  Every ache and pain, I think it is cancer.  I have a pain on my right side now lower abdomen.  I had loose bowels all week-end took a imodium and now have gas and sharp pains so of course I think it is cancer.  Starterd to see a therapist two weeks ago.  Still not better. I know if this pain goes away, it will just be something else.  I hope the day comes when I can stop this.

[Kraggy]

I have just about the same, My biggest fear is cancer...

My fears are mainly provoced by things both me & others can feel though, such as a large cluster of hard lumps that I currently feel on both sides of my groin area, For me this is "Cancer until proven otherwise". Instead of for most people where it is the other way around. I have been terrified all day now, sure its a bit less then this morning, but its still very much here.

Luckely I can go to the doctor in uhhmmm... 13 hours & 3 minutes.

I just hope he gives me the good old,

"its nothing to worry about" like he did with my past examinations..

[jrb1982]

You guys are experiencing what I've had for the last 6 months.  It started with panic attacks at night, which immediately meant heart trouble in my mind.  I caused myself to hyperventilate daily for a month until I finally let go of it.  A month later I began to have a burning sensation all over my body.  Convinced I had MS, I had several tests done which showed...nothing, of course.  A knee injury right after that scare left me depressed and anxious for 2 months.  I then switched to worrying about leukemia/lymphoma (a fear I've had since childhood).  I periodically get some spots on my skin, which is my recent fear.  I've had normal bloodwork results at least 5 times in the last year, and have no symptoms that can't be accounted for with the anxiety, but I continually convince myself that I am dying.  It is a comfort to know I'm not the only one out there experiencing it.  My husband is growing frustrated with my constant unrealistic fears.

[PeterC101]

I can definitely sympathize with you all...In the past two months, I have been self-diagnosed with the following diseases/ conditions: MS, Lyme's Disease from a tick bite ( there actually aren't any deer ticks in KY, but that doesn't matter), kidney stones, gall stones, brain tumours, beign peripheral paroxysmal vertigo ( that's a mouthful), ulcerative colitis, acute gastroenteritis, various anxiety disorders, depression, GERD, CFS, IBS-D, IBS-C, Chrone's disease, pancreatic cancer ( a friend was diagnosed with this and I instantly began to experience his symptoms), colon cancer, anal cancer ( from reading too much about Farrah Fawcett probably), lymphoma ( all types) and, most recently, cat scratch fever ( darn those felines!). Not bad for a 34 year old, eh? Thanks to my plucky and industrious primary care physician, the internet, I can spend hours scouring symptom causes through google searches, thereby feeding my irrational suspicions and often fueling new ones. My wife just tunes me out when I bring up my symptoms. Among my less sensible behaviours related to this, I have taken to: weighing myself every day during my lunch break at a local Walmart ( our scale at home broke ( probably from over-use by me)) - just to be sure I am not losing weight precipitously as I fear, frantically feeling myself for enlarged lymph nodes, hyper-examining my stool for signs of blood, reflexively second-guessing every conclusion of every doctor that I have seen and doubting the veracity of their test results, wondering what kind of guy my wife is going to marry when I die and how soon after the funeral, among many other phobic eccentricities. It's no wonder none of the "real" doctors I see seem to take me seriously. For brief moments I am illuminated by the light of common sense and can perceive the utter ridiculousness of this behaviour, but just as quickly my fears come crowding back in, nagging and convincing me that not only am I not delusive, but that I am actually in the advanced stages of dying a slow and painful death... What can we do? My best remedy is a good laugh. Nothing is more cathartic and provides more instant relief. I hope you all have a good laugh at my expense...Whatever I can do to help - this phobia is tough!

[hollyb8888]

I thought I was the only one going thru this.  My coworkers and my husband think I'm nuts...why don't they have this problem too! is what I want to know...

I'm so glad I found this forum... maybe we can all learn something from each others doctors visits...I go for  a repeat blood test in about 2 weeks.  a result was 9 points over the normal and of course I'm completely freaked out!  normal is 100-250 and mine was 259  and "according to the internet" that could be caused by either difficulty with drawing the blood or cancer somewhere in my body...OF COURSE!  I'm trying to stay optomistic here because the lab girl did have a terrible time collecting the blood. SO I just keep trying to push that other diagnosis OUT of my mind!!!

[sammicat]

i can totallly relate, i have been to the hospital and to see my doctor so much in the last few months that the receptionists know my name.  I have self diagonsed myself with blood clots, brain tumor, heart attack, clogged arteries, menegititis. I have woken up from a sound sleep because i thought i stopped breathing.  I have been dizzy and thought i was having a stroke.  Yesterday i went to the hospital because i thought the glands in my neck were swollen, and i was convinced that my airway was going to constrict so i couldnt breathe.  I examine my neck all the time and im convinced that its swollen even though no one else can see it.  I measure it on a daily basis. Im convinced that my airways are going to swell shut and i wont be able to breathe. Im sure once i get over this i'll have another problem, my husband is at his wits end with me and so is my mom. My mom is a therapist so i know my health anxiety is driving her nuts.  I have had the whole cancer anxiety but i worry about my heart alot because my dad had a quadruple bypass in 2003 and since he had that im sure im going to need one because i have the same allergies that he has, i look identical to him, i act like him, we have the same blood type so im sure that there is something wrong with me too. I have had so many cardigrams i can hook the machine up myself.

[mecojo]

This is a horrible way to live- I hate the constant fear.  My mother died of cancer 5 years ago. Several neighbors have been diagnosed (young people) and died from cancer in the last couple of years.  I have "had" almost every kind of cancer.  Even after ultrasounds, CT scans, etc. coming back normal, I feel that the doctors are missing something.  My husband thinks I'm crazy. I look at my body every day just watching for new spots, moles, etc.  I hate living like this.

[wwworrieddd]

I guess I'm like everyone else on here... it's harder when going to the doctor's is out of the question cause u fear to hear bad news!!! Here I am at 5:16 am awake cause I cant sleep...  I don't know what to do... I feel bad for us... and hope for nothing but the best for all!

[joonbug77]

I guess I'm like everyone else on here.  I have a severe cancer phobia.  I have self diagnosed myself with...well...lets see, lung cancer, throat cancer, esphogeal cancer, sinus cancer, tonsil cancer, lymphoma, melanoma, bone cancer, etc...the list continues.  I know I'm acting crazy.  When I think about it rationally, all of this just sounds absurd.  But I can't stop.  My wife just tunes me out now.  Its got even worse after our son was born because of my fear of leaving my wife and child alone when I die...of cancer.  When I finally confessed this fear to my doctor last September (the visit where he ruled out bone cancer for the pain in my arm), he recommended that I see a therapist.  I haven't yet taken his advice but I will at some point.  Living like this is such a disruption at work and at home.  I just want to live normally without the fear of cancer consuming me.  ITs never any other disease, just cancer.  I'm nuts, I know.  I am glad that I'm not the only one though - so happy to find this community.  Venting and talking about it helps.  

[bleach522]

hello,

i too am suffering from health anxiety.  I found out that i actually have 2 autoimmune diseases, yet i make myself think i have something worse.  Right now i keep worrying that i have some kind of cancer.

I really hope you get better with this, i know how horrible it is!

Good luck! <3

[Imajerk]

As I approached 40 I started thinking about how I would be expected by my doc to get yearly mammograms, and I wondered if they could CAUSE cancer, so I became reluctant.
I think from there, things I had over the last several months have made me think too hard about cancer. I was dizzy for 7 weeks last fall and at one point it made me nauseous. That all turned out to be allergies. Now recently I had a shooting pain through my whole lower abdomen, sides, and then it localized to the pelvis it seemed, and now it's in my tummy. My doc said I was healthy and he prescribed pills for acidy stomach. The pain subsided somewhat but there is still a spot of mild pain and tightness.

I have been looking at way too many cancer sites, and then, a "hypochondriac" site. I fit many of the characters, like obsessing about sites, and that my friend's stepdad has stomach cancer from drinking. I've been a heavy drinker for several years and have even puked several times, which is what made me worry.

Not everyone gets cancer no matter what they do. I have to chill before the STRESS does something to me.

[Rauer7]

Thanks so much for this site and all of your comments:) I've been living with this for 3 months now. This forum made me smile like I haven't for 3 months:)

God Bless You All!!

[CFS1]

I thought I was alone..OMG!  I have been like this forever, when I was 9 years old I thought I  had leukemia.  Don't even know how I knew about that at 9 years old.  Since then I've had just about every kind of cancer, heart problems, Lou Gehrigs disease (that was a good one), MS, fatal familial insomnia, alzheimers, strokes...the list goes on and on.  It is horrible and I have gotten scared to go to the doctor.  Somehow I have to get myself out of that.  I have an appt on Wednesday for my latest thing and I'm afraid I'm going to cancel.

[rachael90]

i understand what you are all going through, ive had health anxiety since nov 2009, i remember the exact day it started, im still finding it hard to accept its anxiety though, i think how can all these pysical symptoms just be caused by anxiety and not something life threating, ive always been a worrier about my health but not to this extent its ubelievable even though im a little better. i get dizzy feel like im going to pass out, feel unreal,n get very hot. according to me ive had heart attacks, brain tumour , strokes, bowel cancer and now i think ive got some form of stomach cancer, it feels lumpy and really hurts when i breateh out to hard (on purpose to check the pain) lie on my side, but feels ok when i lie down flat hurst when im walking to feels like something inside is about to expand and burst :( scares me so much , but then i think of could all the prodding and stuff caused it?? its awful to live in fear , i fear the day being told i have cancer....cancer does not run in my family but still think like this, i was off work for over 4 month due to this, nobody undrstands unless they are going through it themselves, my mum gets really mad at me and promises thers nothing wrong, i tell her promise is a big word, but it kinda comforts me in a way if you get me, im having therapy and have improved alot since bk in november i wouldnt leave the huse i was on th couch for days n days not getting washed or dressed, i just thought what is the point, now ive started getting better the thoughts have come to the front of my mind again n now im experiencing symptoms, i really dont want it to start again, i really want to meet someone like me :(

[kelleyb227]

First let me say that reading this board actually helped me.  I no longer feel alone in my suffering of my health anxiety.  It has taken over my life.  Every single ache and pain I experience causes so much mental anguish that I am emotionally wiped out for days.  I just went to a psych and just began med yesterday.  I am SO hoping that the combination of meds and therapy help me enjoy my life and I can break the cycle that is consuming my life.