Fear of having schizophrenia ...

[cnote]

25 male. Last October I started having anxiety issues. They would occur once a month... then I'd be good for a month.
I was on lexapro. I finally decided to take myself off the medicine b/c I had a hard time accepting that I had to take medicine to make me feel better and get me through the anxiety spells (which would last for a week or 2 at a time).

After I took myself off the lexapro, I started seeing a psychologist... and he seemed to help me with cognitive therapy... Now I only went a couple of times. Since then I havnt had an attack. That was in March. So about 3 months went by without having one.

A couple of Fridays ago, I had a panic attack in the car. Havnt had one in a LONG time. It made me go back into my anxiety spell... worrying, bad butterflies in the stomach, racing heart... could seem to KICK THIS! There were days there were better than the others... but I'm suffering from what I think is a mixture of anxiety and depression. Nothing makes me laugh.. smile.. all I do is fear... and feel anxious... and can't sit still... cant think straight. All I do is think about "when am I going to get over this? When am I going to get my appetite back? When will my heart stop racing so much!?"

I went back and saw the psychologist about 3 or 4 days ago... and he just told me to read my cognitive therapy book.. and he basically told me to change the way I think. He said my feelings are caused by my thoughts...

Well my friends,... it's just not working for me right now... I just can't seem to control them... I just can't seem to get over this... I can't sleep very well at night... I can't get any joy out of my life... my 1 year old baby girl... my wife...

It's so hard... I feel hopeless...

I'm going to the Dr. tomorrow. He's going to put me back on Lexapro I think. I'm going to continue to see the psychologist as well.

I don't know what has started all this. That's what's scares me. I've never been like this in my entire life! It all started after my grandmother died of cancer... and after my daughter was born...

My question is... my real father, which I never knew, suffered from schizophrenia I think... from what I understand. My mom said he was on lythium... and he would have anger problems... and he would talk to himself.. and have conversations with people that were hallucinations... He committed suicide unfortunately...

I havnt experienced anything like this... except just the side effects from anxiety I THINK!
You see, I just have the worry/fear that "what if I'm just now developing this?"

Do you think I could be developing schizophrenia? Or do you think that is just another onset of my anxiety? Just something else for me to worry about!?

I have been very forgetful lately... but I think it's just b/c I'm so caught up in myself.. and the way I feel.. it's just distracting me from EVERYTHING.

My wife will say something to me... and it's like I didn't even hear what she said...

Or if she asks me a question... I just have a short answer... that's it.

I'm going to the Dr. tomorrow.

I just want the reassurance that nobody here thinks I'm becoming a schizo.

I hear schizo's don't even realize they have a problem.

I however know I am having a problem.

I just have that "fear" of "Will I kill myself like my dad did?"

Not that I'm having thoughts of suicide or anything.

Please someone respond. Thank you!

[xstalkrx]

Dude I thought I had mad cow disease....lol.....you aren't schizo and neither am I.  We make up these things in our minds.  Yes, I thought I was schizo for a few days too actually.

[rosebud62]

Relax cnote.  I have an anxiety problem as well.  My mother also had schizophrenia.  I always worry just like you are.  My mother also had 3 nervous breakdowns, which I always use to worry about too!  I have had this problem for 8 years now, no breakdowns yet, or schizophrenia.  Anxiety causes you to worry about everything, and I do mean everything, as you are already well aware of this.  I am no longer on medication, but if I need it, I will certainly go on it.  I have learned to live with this desease, and I have learned, most of the time, to talk myself out of an attack.  Only you can figure out what you need to do, to help with your anxiety.  I'm not saying, talking yourself out of it always works, but if you look deep inside yourself, you may be able to figure out what works for you.  Hang in there.  If medicine helps then so be it.  I guess I am stubborn, and was bound and determined I was not going to let medication rule me, I learned how to rule myself.  Relax, take deep breaths, and look inside your inner self.  Could it be maybe subconsiously, there is problems that has not been dealt with?  Hope this helped.  I use to be in the same boat, I know where you are coming from.  Hang in there.
God Bless,
Dee

[treeman]

Hello Cnote.   It sounds like really bad anxiety to me and I am no Dr. When I was going through the worse possible anxiety I was afraid of losing my mind of being locked up basically afraid of everything bad that could possibly happen. It happens to me every now and then  and it seems to come out of no where. It basically overwhelms you. I have been on meds for along time and the meds do help. Treeman

[Alleykatt34]

HI, now I won't give you technical answers that you are probably wanting but I can give you a little bit about my self in conjunction with yours.  

Mainly, the fear..I seem to fear everything.  I need a drs. appt, but I'm afraid to make it.  I need to take the kids somewhere, but I'm afraid to leave..ect...

Then I go on with a chest pain..its a heart attack, my back hurts, there goes the lungs or kidneys.  And so for.  My dr. hasn't given me any hope at this point.

I was going to a therapist for 2 years, he looked at me and said I can no longer help you.  

LOST was the feeling,

I see a psychiatrist who so far (knock wood) has been wonderful, he's been my dr for 13 years.  

I don't think there is a way (over the internet) that we could say you have schiz. or not.  At one point I had to take lithium to stable myself out.  Thats what he told me anyway.  I didn't last to long on it....it made me pee ALOT!!  LOL

I'm sure your wife and daughter are both beautiful...I would just (and I know its hard) take those thoughts and throw them away.  

My mother was mentally ill all my life.  She self medicated.  Now at 60 she had a heart attack and almost died.  Now, her life is sad.  She has no one, because when she was ill she refused to get help.  So, basically we all walked away..Don't let that happen to you!!

I'll be thinking of you.

And btw I have mended fences with my mom..you only get one!

Alley

[nursegirl6572]

Take a deeeep breath.  You do not have schizophrenia.  There are VERY distinct differences between panic disorder and schizophrenia.  You have an anxiety disorder...which scares the daylights out of you...and makes you have what are called "intrusive thoughts"...basically things like..."OMG...what if I am developing schizophrenia and will end up killing myself?"

Not that your concern is baseless.  Mental illnesses certainly have a strong genetic component...but like I said...there are VERY VERY clear differences....the main one being psychotic episodes.  While you may feel "out of it" and detatched due to high levels of anxiety/panic...you are not hearing voices from the radio, or dreaming up whole scenarios in your mind. Untreated schizophrenics (many of them) are TOTALLY out of touch with the real world.  My dearest friend has two siblings both with schizophrenia, and your post would read a whole lot different if that were the case, trust me.

Go to the doctor with an open mind....if you have to take a medication for a while....or forever...so be it.  When panic strikes...it often does so without warning...which is what  makes it extra frustrating.  We waste so much time wondering "WHY?"...."What brought this on?"  Sometimes there simply is NO answer.  

What is important is that you accept that you have an anxiety disorder and start tackling it head on.  You are already doing that with your therapy and seeing your doctor.  You have been through this before and had success....you need to draw on those experiences b/c you know that it IS possible to overcome panic and anxiety.  I know it is hard when you're in the throws of it...and it seems like it takes forever to see any differences....but they will come....you just need to give it some time and have patience.

You will be okay.....you already are one step ahead in that you've recognized that it isn't getting better and that you need to step up the treatment.  You are not alone.  Hang in there.