Getting it under control

[Suzyq0826]

I have finally done something that I should have done five years ago. I've scheduled an appointment with a professional. I've been taking Xanex as prescribed by my GP for five years now, but never dealt with the underlying issues that are the root of my anxiety problems.
I am going to see a psychiatrist as opposed to a psychologist, because I am aware I am going to need medication management as well as therapy...and one-stop shopping makes sense to me.
I think this past long weekend, with my husband half-way around the world gave me the time to really think about what I need to do. I have to get this under control, not only because I am tired of feeling this way and the unpredicability of anxiety attacks...(I do like to consistently be productive and keep an organized schedule and this sure gets in the way), but because I am going to destroy my marriage if I don't do something and get my emotions and psche under control.
My husband is paying the price for what I went through in my previous marriage, which to describe it without going into the grisly details...worse than hell! At the time, I saw my regular doctor who prescribed the Xanax for me, but I think it was like slapping a band-aid on an amputation. I realize I need therapy to deal with the past, and then put it where it belongs. It is not part of my life anymore anywhere but in my head, and to subject my husband to the roller-coaster ride I have is very unfair. I've reread some of the emails I sent him the past 10 days while he was in South Korea...even I think I sound unstable. It's time to get a professional!

[Suzyq0826]

You betcha'...I think I feel like making a lot of noise :-))) I haven't felt this good in a long time. Just knowing that I am not going to be passive and let this **** control my life feels good. I'm packing for my trip, just spent a couple of hours with my best friend in Chicago....I see light at the end of the tunnel!

[barfer]

That's absolutely great!  Is that squeaky wheel feeling a little oiled now?  

[Suzyq0826]

You guys are so wonderful! We finally finished playing phone tag and I have an appt on the 24th. He had one this week but it was on Thursday and I'm leaving for Chicago. We actually talked a little bit on the phone, that in itself astonished me...a phone conversation with a doctor and not a receptionist or nurse? Of course, quie a bit of it was discussing my insurance coverage....guess everyone has to make a living and wants to be sure to get paid....but we did talk a little bit about my situation too and that was pleasant. I'm really excited and looking forward to progress...that's all I can all it at this point. The whole experience is new to me.
My GP prescribes my meds and I have an appointment with him on the 15th when I get back from Chicago. I think I'll just tell him what I'm doing and let the two of them coordinate my meds...I don't know, I guess I'll be playing it by ear for a bit.
Thanks for all the support!
Suzy

[sierrasong]

I'm here in Toronto with my friend Barfer, but I've been thinking about you.  I heartily and completely and totally agree with your decision to go for therapy.  It, along with the right meds, saved my life.  You are right that getting to the bottom of some of the junk you are carrying will help you with your disease immensely.  It won't cure it, probably, but it will give you loads of tools to cope.  And that's the goal - cope - because once you cope, you can grow!  

Don't give up.  It took me a long time to find a good shrink and I went through more than one before I found him.  You can also have two - one a psychiatrist for the meds and beginnings of therapy (they are expensive) and a psychologist for more long term work (they are not quite as pricy).  Working in tandem, they can form a team to help you get better...

You go, girl!

[barfer]

A big step in the right direction!  Good for you.  Even if you have to play phone tag for a while, at least it looks like you are going to get help.

[Suzyq0826]

Thank you all for your encouragement. It's going to be a new expeerience for me, so I have no idea what to expect.
I just received a call from one of the many psychologists I hd left a voice mail for...of course it figures I did not hear my cellphone ringing, so I got to play yet another voice mail. He sounds pleasant enough and did ask me to call him back and identify what it was I wanted to see him about to ensure that he was qualified in that area...and he also wanted to know of course the most important thing...do you have insurance?Well I called him back, left the information on yet another machine, so we'll see.