I feel so helpless

[nervous15]

I am 59 y.o. woman getting ready for my first "put to sleep" surgery.  The surgery is a UPPP, brcause of lack of Oxygen to my brain and heart.  I have a highly recommended surgeon who has taken much time to talk with me.  He explained everything.  I am NOT fearful of his abilities.  Secondly I have to be put to sleep.  Oh my Begeezes I feel like I am going to die.  What does it feel like, OMG the anticipation is killing me.  Here's the clincher.  I have high blood pressure (also a complication from this obstruction).  My blood pressure is controlled by medicine...EXCEPT when my anxiety and fear take hold.  I am due to have the surgery on May 21st and my pressure has been up and down.  I am so scared that I will stroke out!  I cant imagine NOT going through with this as I definately need the surgery.  How do I come to terms with the waiting and the waiting at the hospital, stuck in a bed, with IVS, no where to go!!!  Run!!!!  I am afraid my pressure will be extremely high...OMG what do I do Please someone help.

[moonflower13]

Hello! New to the thread! lol.

I can't think of anything that hasn't been posted already, except that you are in my thoughts and that I'm sure everything will be fine... keep us posted.

*hug*

[nervous15]

LOL Thank you sweetie.  Last night I forgot to take my BP meds, so today along with the severe anxiety I have my pressure has been through the roof.  Headaches all day.  I have finally taken my medicine so lets see what happens.  The entire inside of my body is shaking...I hope tomorrow when I talk with the surgeon he will say its a go for WED.  I dont have a cold so probably it could be created by the anxiety who knows.

Weed you say..........hmm that would be a good sedative for me right know...lol

Have you been feeling ok?  I know that what you are going through is probably hell, Gosh why do  we have these problems, its so darn unfair.  Agoraphobia is so dibilitating...Kudos to you for getting up and out, I could only imagine how hard that is for you.  I s your fear getting better at all?  If you wouldnt mind, could you tell me how you deal with facing you fear of going outdoors.  Well sweetie i hope to hear from you soon.

P.S. Have you seen nursegirl around, I miss her.

BIG BIG Hugzzzzzz (((((WOLFIE))))))

[lonewolf07]

Hi

Sorry to hear about the ear thing.  I've tried Dimetapp for that but stick to what your ENT told you.

The doctoring ceremony was extremely powerful.  There were a lot of elders and healers as well as a lot of us wanting to be healed.  Before any ceremony begins, I usually go to the medicine woman or whoever is "in charge" and just mention those I would like added to the list of people to pray for and an idea of what their ailment is but not mentioning anything else.  Nervous - you had everybody - everybody - praying for you; chanting, singing and drumming.  Everyone in the lodge put some tobacco on the grandfathers (rocks) and offered a prayer.  The medicine woman I go to is the one who mentioned the "white grandmother" who is a powerful entity and looks after those of us who need it and when we need it most.  She didn't ask any personal questions but based on her comments, she could have been reading these posts!!!!  She also said she and some of the elders would be praying and smudging till you had your surgery.  I know this isn't the sort of information you can get from nursegirl but for us Native people, it is "good medicine" (now I sound like Tonto again).

She has helped me a lot since I've been going and it's difficult sometimes just to go since along with depression, anxiety and claustrophobia I finally confessed, on this Forum, that I have agoraphobia so getting to the rez is extremely difficult.

I can imagine you have mixed feelings about the surgery - part of you wanting to get it done with and part of you wanting to put it off.  Do you think anxiety could be causing your ear problems?  It's incredible what our bodies can do to reflect our emotions.

What BP meds do you take?  Not being nosy - I take BP meds too.

Let me know what drugs you need - I grow weed in the backyard -  ooops forgot, you're in law enforcement  LOL  I don't really grow weed .

Once again .... ((((((((((BUGHUGZ))))))))))

wolfie

[nervous15]

you ands nursegirl are the best.....gitta tell you all something................I called the ENT yesterday to tell him about the comcerns I am having about my "ears hurting and feeling full"  Well he told me to take claritan for a couple of days before bed  and he will see how I am on MONDAY.  If is doesnt clear up than I think he is going to postpone the surgery...I just want to screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  It seems like the left side is unplugged and pretty good, but I cant say that about the right side.  There is still some pain and it still feels plugged. .  I am staying home from work for good now, so I will see if this works.

I am so darn depressed about this whole thing.

I took the Claritan last night and I fell asleep.  When I woke up it was to late to take my BP meds...well I cant tell you what THAT means....I am VERY digusted

Wolfie "white grandmother" is looking over me, thank you for all you have included me in, I need all types of prayers.

I will check in later...

Carole

[lonewolf07]

Hi

I just read that you want to be "doped up" - well, I am in the ghetto .... lol

Went to the ceremony, I never leave one without learning something.

Nervous - medicine woman said there will be a "white grandmother" with you through the whole thing.  This has nothing to do with race.  A "white grandmother" is a powerful, benevolent entity who will be watching over you and who will "hear" you if you need anything.  She is good medicine.  I guess that's why I find this medicine woman so good - she can "see" with inner vision.  Everyone prayed for you and for nursegirl.  Then they all want you to come up here and clean their houses LOL - just kidding.

Just saw your last post .... the pain can be managed with dope but is it worse than the pain of childbirth?  That is something no male can begin to imagine and yes, I know I'm a sexist.

Will write more a bit later.  Right now I have to return to "reality".

((((((((((BUGHUGZ))))))))))    to both of you

wolfie

[nervous15]

Thank you so much sweetie...I'll tell you if it wasnt for you answering some of these medical questions I honestly dont know what I would have done.  (The jury is still out on RYAN..lol he seemed pretty knowledgeable though)..Yes I want to be all doped up is right...lol  Nursegirl do me a favor, if I invite the whole world would you step in ...lol

You know I do have something else...and I dont really know whats up...I have alot of allergies..I am allergic to those white dandelion things that fly in the air.  We have alot of them around here.  Here is my delimma.  my ears feel plugged and the area in back of the lobe is very tender.. now let me say that I dont think it is a cold, because anytime I get  a cold I have a bad soar throat.....i dont.  GOSH I sure hope I dont have a problem now......This surgery gotta go forward...What should I look for that might be suspicious.

I am so messed up.

Then I have a concern that once this is over, I will be in such ecrutiating pain Ill want to chop my head off....I have too many issues   :=(

Smootches,

Carole