Looking for a bit of relief...

[EllieLynn]

Last year, I married my boyfriend of four years and moved to the UK to be with him while he did hid PhD. Since I've been here, I have found myself thinking about things that I thought I had dealt with already. Most of these issues have to do with three friends who died when I was in high school, my best friend who passed away because of a brain tumor when I was 19, an aunt who died in the tsunami in Sri Lanka, and my father who left when I was 15. Recently, my mom has been very sick, my grandmother is in the hospital, and my younger brother just went to prison for 7 years. All of this has left me with an irrational feeling that bad things happen to people close to me. I've become obsessed with the idea that something terrible is going to happen to my husband, namely, that I have somehow contracted HIV (I havent been with anyone but my husband in almost six years), and because of that he is going to die. I keep thinking I've killed my husband.   I need someone to talk to outside of my circle, but living in the UK, I am finding it difficult to get to a counsellor. I am wondering if anyone has any techniqes for dealing with this kind of stress? ANYTHING would be helpful...   Thanks

[EllieLynn]

  Thanks for the advice. I will definately look into the accupuncture. I have heard wonderful things about it.
  As for exercise, I had been running and weight lifting at least 3 times a week until about a month ago. One day, I went to the gym and found that I was completely exhausted. I couldnt manage more than ten minutes of running. Right now, I am trying to get back into my old routine, but I'm a bit nervous. I'm starting with walking, crunches, lunges and push ups.  
  I am currently speaking with my GP about seeing a psychologist. Unfortunately, as my GP is on campus and it is the begining of term, it has been rather difficult to get in to see him.
  I have spoken with my husband about all of this. The problem is that he tends to blame himself for my being unhappy. He thinks that it all stems from being in the UK, away from family, and that I wouldnt be in the UK if it wasnt for him. It has to be said that working on an English PhD is pretty depressing. He spends most of his time holed up in small places, burried in books.
  I am considering attending an ALANON type group to try and deal with my issues with my brother, but I am a bit nervous as I am not christian. Any thoughts?
  I was on an AD before and hated it. I felt like all they did was numb me so I didnt think about the things that were bothering me. I didnt work through anything. I felt like there were reasons I was sad, so trying to act like nothing was wrong was of no benefit. Furthermore, they made me feel a bit ill at times. Any thoughts on anxiety meds though? I'm getting to the point where I cant sleep because of this HIV obsession. I'm always examining myself and crying hysterically.
  I'm also thinking about going back on medication for my ADHD. I've been off them for about two years now, but I keep thinking about how much easier life was with them. Normally it's easier to control myself, but lately I just cant keep it together. I dont have the focus. I know I'm alienating people, especially at work. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb these days... Like everyone can see my issues as if they're written in block letters on my face.
  Sorry, I know this is a bit long winded. Thanks for all the help and support. It feels really good to talk to people who know what it feels like.

-Elyse

[bernie40]

Hi,

I am from the UK, you first of all need to speak to your General Practitioner - you should be registered with one already.  Explain what is happening and how you are feeling and the fact that this is beginning to be a problem for you.  The GP may well try and suggest an AD to begin with - however, if you do not want to go down that road straight away then ask for a referral to a psychologist.  As you know waiting lists in the UK are long, so it could be up to 3 months or more before you are able to see someone, this is why GP's tend to also prescribe an AD to help in the interim.

There are private therapists, who depending on the area you live in charge approx £40 per hour.

If you need any more advice or just someone to talk to, as Jikan has said don't hesitate to come on here or if you prefer message me direct through here.

Wishing you the best

Helen

[Jikan]

Namaste,

I can understand how you feel when you have lost many of the people you love, but you can't blame there departure on yourself and rationally you already know that. Just as you know rationally that you haven't done anything to your husband or that anything "bad" is going to happen.

Oftentimes though it's difficult to connect our head and our heart. That's where having a support system in place is beneficial.

In your current situation, ideally a regular counselor would be one of your best options, but foregoing that I would suggest you try to extend your circle of friends within the UK, maybe by going to yoga classes (which are also great for anxiety).

Other means of dissipating some of your negative feelings can be minimized through exercise, meditation, deep breathing exercises and accupunture.

If you feel you are not or cannot receive the proper support from outside sources, see a mental health provider about your situation and evaluate the possibility of therapy, as discussed, but also medication. Not knowing the way the medical system operates in the UK, this may be easier said then done.

Finally, you'll always make friends here who are more than willing to discuss issues with you in a caring, understanding and supportive manner. Many have been through the same experiences. Feel free to make use of the resources here and if you haven't discussed it with your husband, you might want to do that also.

If there is anything I can do or anyone here can do, please let us know and please keep us informed as to how you are doing.  Take care of yourself.

Michael