how did others of you get past HIV anxiety

[soscared621]

I'm hoping I'm in the right forum - anyone can check my complete story by reading previous threads of mine - but in a nutshell I can not get rid of anxiety regarding HIV - I did have a "risk" as I had unprotected sex outside of my marriage. I have been tested 4 times the last at 16 weeks - well beyond the 3 month mark - I see a psychiatrist for medication management and psychologist twice a week.  I am currently on Lexapro, seroquel and Klonapin for the depression, OCD , anxiety issues - it just seems none of these are helping and yes they have tried other drugs.

I have received great advice personally from people on the HIV forum and EACH and everytime I am told I am conclusively negative I get TEMPORARY relief UNTIL the thoughts of what if the 6 month rule the CDC states is correct or maybe I am a rare case that doesn't produce detectible antibodies ..... I know this is due to the symptoms I feel, the guilt I feel and am punishing myself.

I'm just so desperate to be free of this so I thought possibly someone in this forum that might have gone thru the same thing could give me some advice as I don't see an end to this misery.

Thank you for taking time to read this.

[soscared621]

just want to let you all know that no matter what I had been told on this forum and by Doctors - I finally got up enough courage to just get tested again my last test had been after 16 weeks and I was just constantly thinking what if it would take me 6 mos to seroconvert - well finally my Dr. said what will it take to get your mind clear and over this fear and I realized to test - no matter how much it drove me crazy waiting for results it was so worth it as now I feel so free again!!! So retesting for some might be the answer!  Thanks to all for their help!

[soscared621]

sorry but do you have ANY other assurance or advice - just came from therapist and Psychiatrist and still going crazy   I'm sure you have dealt with tons of "us"  

[soscared621]

thanks nursegirl - I have switched therapists twice now and yes have tried CBT I can get through some days and then others i just break down - I will google something like "delayed seroconversion" etc and then get into a REPUTABLE medical journal and read the info that it DOES happen and they don't know why - I had thought if I could speak with a reputable dr. that practices HIV on the phone that that would help - well a friend of a friend got me through to the top one at John Hopkins believe it or not and he was saying that yes 6 weeks is usually enough BUT said studies show differently - it is hard to know he said because most people found positive don't know what encounter they actually contracted it from so the timeline is not always accurate - I am just so fearful of infecting my husband - the last time I was tested was 16 weeks - and the Dr. does not want me to do another test as he feels it is just part of the anxiety provoker and I am only satisfied for a short time after receiving negative results.....thanks so much for your time though I TRULY appreciate it

[nursegirl6572]

It's no bother at all...we're here to help.  I think you'll find others with similar issues in that HIv Anxiety group...they really may have some suggestions for you.

I know you're frustrated that you can't just "shake this", but that is anxiety!  It takes some people a lot longer to get a hold on it than others.  Have you tried a different therapist?  Different therapy techniques?  Like erin mentioned, CBT is a wonderful approach to addressing anxiety.

Keep fighting the good fight...and stay as busy as you can...distractions are VERY helpful in reducing the cycle of thinking/worrying you're in.

[soscared621]

thank you nursegirl and erin.......I have tried all of these things - I have seen a psychiatrist since August and a psychologist 2 x week since sept..   they have tried all different types of drugs and drug combinations - but other than completely putting me in a state of being completely out of it on Klonopin etc.... I don't feel like I have any relief

Thank you for the reference to the hiv anxiety forum nursegirl

I just thought I might find someone in this forum that has struggled with the same things - a real possible exposure - testing out to 3+months - on medication and under care of psychiatrist/psychologist - yet still having the fears of what if its really 6months window period or even worse what if I never produced antibodies - I'm desperate to find out how others have gotten past this realistic possibility of being exposed but tested out to 3months negative - its looking at cdc website that says only 97percent will test positive by 3 months and other similar sites that say 6 months or longer even - each time I test I find a new reason to test again so testing isn't answer - tested at 7 weeks, 9 weeks, 12 weeks and 16 weeks -

sorry to bother all of you just trying to find some help - I'm desperate at this point

[erin626]

I don't have HIV anxiety but I have a smiliar health anxiety that I deal with so maybe my techniques can offer you some relief. I have a horrible phobia of throwing up and I constantly think I have some sort of stomach issue. Numerous tests have shown otherwise yet I still can't accept the fact that I don't have gallbladder problems, or a parasite, or stomach cancer. Its a new disease every week for me it seems like. I search the web for my symptoms and although anxiety comes up as a listed disorder with my stomach problems I always jump to worst case scenario.

So meds offer me slight relief but never lasting relief. Whenever these thoughts of health problems creep into my mind I think of all my negative results and use my "rational brain" instead of my "anxious brain" to calm myself down. I will also do whatever I can to distract myself when I start thinking too much about it. It helps sometimes but the best help so far has been cognitive behavioral therapy. I don't know if you've tried it but if you haven't I highly recommend it.

Although I sympathize with your fear. 3 years ago when I first started dating my bf he came clean to me about how he had slept with a heroin addict a couple months before we started dating and only told me after we had unprotected sex. I was terrified. I went for 3 hiv tests and after the third negative test I asked myself what was I doing? I was worrying my life away over something that medical professionals told me I did not have. And 3 years later I'm still here and showing no signs of hiv. Try your best to trust your docs and results.

And really look into cognitive behavioral therapy if you haven't. Good luck.

[nursegirl6572]

The bottom line is you have to address the anxiety and irrational fears.  Whether some of us fear HIV, flying, panic attacks, death, heart attacks...etc...the treatments all serve the same purpose...to decrease the anxiety and learn how to stop the cycle of anxious thinking.  That is all accomplished several ways...personally, I recommend a visit to a psychiatrist to start the ball rolling.

There is a group here that deals solely with HIV Anxiety...check it out, I think it would be most helpful to you!....

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIV-Anxiety-Support/show/595