why can't i just be normal??

[Charlotterose]

Im so tired of waking up everyday fearing every little ache and pain, im tired of living like this.. i feel like there is no way out... Im tired!!!! the thought of always dying and never knowing when the pain is real.. trying to be a normal fun loving mom, which i can't do... my thought take over my whole day and ruin everything... i know its just anxiety but it feels so real hard to ignore... i cry because im tired of living like this and can't take it.. i just want to be normal... im sick of being tired and always in pain, and trying to hide it all the time... no one around me understands... i just want the pain and fear to go away........

[Heather3418]

Your anxiety treatment is EXACTLY what my therapist taught me.  In his office, he would actually take me into an anxiety attack and kept repeating the whole time that the anxiety attack would not kill me.  It was so hard.  Once I learned to let the attack come on, the less frequent they became.  I did not give them power over me.  I just let them be.  Suddenly my anxiety became non-existent, after years and years of struggle.

This all was so hard, but once I learned that anxiety really had no power over me, it took away my fear.  Once the fear was gone, the anxiety attacks disappeared.  Sounds very simple, but it was alot of work.  Do I ever get anxious?  Sure I do, but I no longer "fear" panic.  Therefore it no longer exhibits itself with full blown anxiety.  I have now been panic free for almost 15 years.  

This "take you directly into it" therapy, was a life-saver for me.

Heather

[WhatIsNormal]

It's good to finally hear a "recovery" experience. I keep fighting and the meds do help. But I keep hitting a brick wall. My thereapist would rather spend time talking meds then getting to core issues. I have found a new one and the truth is I will probably go through several before I find the right fit. But I know It's a fight I will eventually win. Thanks for sharing your story. Dez

[jess990]

I understand what you are all going through. I have been dealing with anxiety for 7 years but never really got it until I started with a new therapist who attacked my symptoms one at a time. It has been a long journey for me and I still have days that make me more vulnerable than others. I know what it's like to get up in the morning and symptom check and wonder how on earth you will make it through another day. It is very frustrating and depressing at times. If I could give any advice, it would be to stop fighting the panic and to let it be there. I never understood what this meant, for years, but I do now and it is very hard, but it is the only way to overcome anxiety. I had anxiety all day long, with episodes of full blown panic attacks in between. I went to every doctor out there and had every test know to man done, only to find that the feelings were brought on by my thoughts and my focus on my symptoms. The more you focus on them, the more they are there. Here is a little excerpt from a book I read:
Every time he fought the beast, the beast kept coming back, each time more intense. He thought if he fought the beast, and won, it would go away. Finally, he let the beast devoure him and found that he did not die, and the beast went away.
This is an old folk tale but it works well to anxiety. The harder we fight it, the more it comes, once we allow it to devour us and take us where we are afraid it will, we find that it doesn't indeed kill us.
This is really a hard journey and I don't wish it upon anyone, but you also find a lot along the way. I was to the point of what I though was no return, sign me up for the nearest mental institution and let me bang my head against the wall, I couldn't drive, eat, barely stand because my legs were so weak, couldn't focus, carry on a conversation, thought my life was over, but you know what, it wasn't and I am finally beginning to enjoy my life again.
I am here to talk for anyone, I would love to share what I have learned and help if I can.
I need to say that I have never taken medication, with the exception of a 7 day trial of Zoloft so I cannot say how that affects this condition.
God bless you all on this journey and I will keep you in my prayers!

[WhatIsNormal]

Ahhh that sounds so familiar. My Dr would say, "your classic anxiety" like she tells me all of the time. I guess that is supposed to convince me in some way that I am not really dying. Somewhere deep inside I think I know these thoughts are irrational but, on the surface they are very real. There have been times that I have not been able to get my son to pre-school. He needs me so much sometimes to just be my old self, and as hard as I try I can not. It makes me feel like a failure. No one around me understands what I am going through, they all tell me "think happy thoughts", that's a joke. Like a wouldn't rather be thinking of running through a field of roses as opposed to thinking about my impending death. Well all I can say is I am thankful for this place and ppl like me who can share exeriences. But I want to hear from someone who is cured. I agree, I see ppl on here who have suffered with this for so many years. I have too much to live for, but I think if I didn't have my son there is no way I could have endured the last 5 monthes, let alone face a future of this. I gotta tell you you have to be your own advocate. GET HELP. Put your kid in day care ans go to a partial program, or day treatment if you haven't already been. You are the only one that is gonna get you through this. And wherever you go you take you with you. so it might as well be one that isn;t panic stricken. LOL! In the past 5 monthes I haven't really advocated for myself, but now that I am speaking up and saying I need help I am getting alot further. I start day treatment next month. wish me luck. ANd best of luck to you all. If anyone ever wants to talk pm me. Deziree

[jennyw13]

I've had anxiety at varying levels throughout my life too (including panic attacks).  It really helps me to remember that a lot of anxiety is physical.  Hormones and other brain chemistry play a really large role.  So when you're feeling the anxiety, remind yourself that it is somewhat like any other part of your body not working quite right.  That helps me stop the anxiety from feeding on itself.  I can separate the feelings from reality.  Feelings aren't facts!  I feel anxious, but I stop myself from going through the thought patterns like "there's something wrong, there's always something wrong, there will always be something wrong".  Also, although it's not easy, regular exercise is SO IMPORTANT in controlling it.  More important than just about anything else, I've found.  I remember reading some magazine article about a celebrity, Katharine McPhee, maybe, saying how much she found it helped just to be able to say to herself, or even to someone else, "I'm feeling anxious right now".  It helps me see it as a medical issue that I can somewhat separate from the reality of my day to day life.  Hope that helps.

[Katie35801]

I know how you feel hun, I'm a mom too with anxiety/depression/aches/pains/etc...... Keep hanging in there and keep trying, even when you don't feel like it. Never give up and always keep trying to get better! *hugs*

[slim76]

Have you talked to a therapist at all yet? Is there a close friend who you could meet w/ and talk? It may do some good. Meantime hang in there, better days are ahead because you want to be better and that is half the battle.

[kris4013]

OH MY GOSH!! I am the EXACT same way!!!!!!!! Every single day i am constantly thinking there is something wrong with me and i am constantly feeling for lumps, bumps, you name it!! If i get the slightest stomach twinge.. well by golly it has to be something awful, or if i get a headache, then i think its a brain tumor!!!! EVERY DAY ALL DAY!! I too just want to be normal. I just posted a comment about anxiety and tachycardia. I have been to the ER like 6 times now. It all started after my third child and the delivery was bad, and my OB told me we could of died!! Ever since then i have been living in fear everyday!! I never had anxiety or attacks before that. I am now on paxil and klonopin. I sure hope some day we can all over come this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone keeps telling me it will get better, i hope they are right. Best of luck to you!
Kristy

[Jikan]

Namaste,

I certainly understand where you are coming from. For over 6 years I woke up like that every day, tried to commit suicide twice and been hospitialized 4 times. It's only recently that I have an ocassional good day, but even now I suffer not knowing what's going to happen one moment to the next.

I still maintain hope that at some point, I'll find the right solution to my situation and in the interim, I just do the best I can and take it day to day.

Don't give up on yourself. It may take time, but it'll get better, if you just pursue every option available to you.

Good luck!

Michael

[Zepora]

If you have the time and feel so inclined, please read me Journal Entry "I Know".
Hope that it helps, a bit, and if there is anything I can do for you, anytime, please don't hesitate to PM me.
Hugs & Prayers,
Zepora

[bbtgirl]

Trust me, I know how you feel.  I got my first panic attack 4 years ago, and I was so happy when it went away for 2 years. Then when it came back I was devastated, and frustrated because it didn't seem to be going away this time.  My friends assume that everything's alright and I have a carefree life and all and I'm thinking UHHHH u do NOT want my life. I think it's easier if you find someone to talk to. I know it might seem hard and for me it was hard to open up, so yeah I do keep it to myself most of the time and try to deal with it. What does help is the fact that I know now there's more people who are going through the same things, and there are specific sites you can go to for help: go to Google and type in Panic Disorder, then click on self help. There it shows a vid of a psycietrist dude telling you what to do. Don't let it take over your life though. Fight through it.

[jrlexusman]

You are right....... i am the same way that you feel, dying, this is awful... i cannot take it anymore either, if you read my previous posts u will understand why...

[daffysoundz]

and it will you just need to be patent, ive only had it for 2 1/2 months now an im sick of it already. what makes it worst is when i see poeple who had this for years an years, probably before i was born. im not going to be like that an niether will you, we will fight anxiety together, thats what this site is for, dont give up there is a brighter day ahead of us all, an when we get there, i hope we could all come back to this site, not only to let each other know their feeling better but also to give support to those who are now experiencing the horror of anxiety

[cnote]

Everything will be alright. Have you seen a Dr. about this? There are things to help you get over this. =)