3 year old constant whinning and crying...doesnt listen

My 3 year old is constantly whinning about something or crying over stupid things such as eating dinner, taking a bath, putting clothes on, having to go somewhere..ect  He hates to have to follow directions. I have put him into daycare over a month ago and it has become a nightmare, He is always crying when he is there and never wants to listen. I am a single mother. He goes with his father every weekend. He seems to still "baby" him. I think this has a lot to do with it but not sure. I have tried taking toys away every time he cries, time outs, just talking calmy with him ...everything!  i am just at a dead end. I dont know what to do. Any advice?   thereapy?

[ILADVOCATE]

   Yes well sometimes this behavior is normal and sometimes it is a reaction to circumstances going on or an issue with coping skills. It depends. Probably the best thing to do would be to consult a child psychologist. Family therapy can be helpful as well.

[face527]

Your son is very young so it would be hard to speculate too much. I think the biggest thing at this age is his attachment to you and his father. Maybe do some research on attachment (secure, insecure, anxious, avoidant). It is entirely possible that your son could have a mood disorder (though you will be hard pressed to find a mental health professional that will diagnose anything in a child so young), or perhaps just a difficult temperament. I would advise journaling some of his symptoms and issues so that if/when you seek professional help with a therapist you will have a solid report to reference of the problematic behaviors and what is and is not consistent for your son. This will be helpful to a mental health professional. There are many resources for single parents available in most communities too (i.e support groups, parenting classes or books/resources). Good luck! Stay strong and try to remember your son's positive qualities and interactions with you, even in the face of his difficult temperament.

[charley27]

I HAVE 4 CHILDREN AND IT ALL SOUNDS PRETTY NORMAL TO ME!

[yarrow]

Sounds like a normal kid who's upset and worried about things because of the separation between mom and dad--and being put into day care with a bunch of strangers into the bargain.   If you stop and think about it:  How would you feel if you were three years old and all this were happening to you?

Taking toys away or giving him a time-out when he cries isn't going to make him feel less like crying, and at the age of three, he's pretty young to be told to 'man up.'  What he's really asking for with that irritating whining is reassurance from you, but it sounds as though you might be to busy or too tired to get the message.

No doubt you're stressed by your life right now, but so is your kid.  There are ways to improve the situation so that both you and your very young child will feel better and interact better with each other, but you have to reach out for help.

It couldn't hurt to join the child behavior community here to get some advice with the very common problems you are facing with this little fellow:

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Child-Behavior/show/64

[run4you]

I don't know what the arrangement was before... were you home with him?

Daycare is a HUGE difference from being with you all day... or even being with someone he knows. He probably wants you to baby him, and fights everything because he wants to be with you. He misses you. He doesn't see you on weekends, and he's at daycare all day. You're his mommy, and there's a bond there that kids crave (and need).

Remember quality time can be just as good as quantity. You may not be able to spend *more* time with him, but you can invest as much time as possible when he's there with you. Read him books, snuggle with him, play lots of games. Pay attention to him. Even when you're doing dishes, laundry, chores, you can involve him in a fun way. Make it a race to gather dishes, let him add the soap and make bubbles, make socks a matching game (and get them wrong on purpose, saying 'silly mommy' and stuff like that).  

It sounds like he wants more, and you want less. He's asking for you, and you're pushing him away. I think it will only get worse the more you try to disconnect from him by punishing him for being sad he can't be with you.