Bipolar, OCD and Psychosis but hearing music this time.
This has happened twice. Tremendous amounts of stress and two unhealthy relationship break ups all at the same time. It would start with me feeling depressed, and sad and lonely. My dog got very sick, still is, and I was spending tremendous amounts of money trying to figure out what was wrong and everyone was telling me to put him to sleep and I couldn't because in that moment I was saying I don't like playing the role of God and being the one to put him down and I cried and it further put me down depression wise. I wasn't sleeping due to him being so sick and he would wake me up multiple times a night. My boyfriend took a job 4 hours away because he was unhappy and through the relationship I allowed him to strip me of friends and things I enjoyed. So when he moved his behavior changed and he started doing things that in the 5 years wasn't the person I knew. So racing thoughts started and I began to think he was cheating and leaving me. I tried to fight for the relationship and the more I fought the more the racing thoughts kept coming and they got stronger and I eventually got to the point where I couldn't control them. He told me that he felt guilty for what he did to me, but he kept on talking about us but I had to ask to go out there to see him, which never worked out because he "might have to work" or we could meet half way and stay at hotel. So this only fed the thoughts and then it got to the point where my mind stopped thinking in reality and he told me that we were codependent. With my mind in this racing thought mode, days without sleep and just in a panic because I could not get a hold of these thoughts I went and checked out a book on codependency. My mind took the book like medicine and it created all these additional thoughts and I had a panic attack. There were so many thoughts and so fast and anti anxiety meds were not helping. You name it my mind was putting me in all these situations its been disheartening, debilitating and disgusting. With my mind out of control, not sleeping I stood up to him and then got the truth that he was pushing me away and that he found himself and that things got too serious and amidst all my crazy thoughts he was trying to not hurt me and wanting me to break up with him. Talk about a mental hell hole I fell into and I am trying daily to fight my way out of these thoughts and its a daily struggle. At the height of this out of control mind, I was contemplating suicide because of all these thoughts, I asked God into my heart and begged for his help. I got music. It doesn't stop playing and it changes with my thoughts. It used to wake me up at 3am but now with the meds I am able to sleep but the music wakes me up before the alarm. I ended up in the hospital because I thought that the music was God because all the music involves lyrics about my situation. They are songs I haven't heard and some that I have heard. Some are even songs that i would change on the radio station because I didn't like them. I try to stay calm because I don't believe God would of put me into a psychosis which is what happened because I was taking them as messages from God. I am desperately holding onto hope that the music stops because between the music and the thoughts they kind of feed off of each other and my only break from the music and thoughts are during sleep. While in the hospital they had me on numerous drugs and even did two treatments of ECT and nothing seemed to help. The nurse practicioner is concerned about putting me on zoloft because it may push me manic but at this moment these thoughts and music are taking me away from life. I have told my counselor that if this music and these thoughts don't go this is no way to live. My thoughts are like everything I don't want and then some. It feels as if my mind is stuck. I want to be able to live and think again but I can hardly remember with all this music and thoughts. I keep telling myself its okay it will get better. I was responsible and could converse with people but this music and these thoughts pull me away. It's not so much racing thoughts, its contant thoughts and music. I have asked to try zoloft and topamax because I truly feel that if I could get out of this repetitive thought music cycle, I could go about my life and move on. I feel crazy and have visualized myself going crazy. This is not a fun place to be mentally, I am barely functioning. Any help or directional advice would be greatly appreciated.
Auditory hallucinations can take any form. They are not just "hearing voices". I know this having recovered (read through my posts) from schizoaffective disorder myself. Hearing music was one form of auditory hallucination I had. You should explain what is going on fully to your psychiatrist because if they believed this to be a form of psychosis, they would generally prescribe an anti-psychotic. Only a psychiatrist can provide a diagnosis but explain what's going on and ask them if it might be some aspect of psychosis which is treatable.
I had this very thing of constant music in my head and the minute I woke up it would start. This was not an auditory hallucination but in my head. I thought it was my OCD but on another bipolar forum I was surprised to find other people with BP have had the same problem. I was on a mood stabilizer plus an antidepressant that my pdoc kept raising which was when it started. I reduced it on my own because I knew it was causing problems. She finally added lithium and I quite taking my AD and the music went away. I would agree with your nurse practitioner about caution with the AD's. I can't take them at all or I get hypomanic or in a mixed state and the obsessive thoughts go out of control.
What you have is obsessive compulsive disorder.I am suffering from the same thing .I have had it for about 5 years for now.I have changed about 7-8 psychologists till now in these past 5 years ,no one could help.I used expensive medicines that just came into market like abilify.I had a neurological test done ,MRI scans and other nuerological tests ,the names of which i forgot .The nuerologist whom i went to said evreything was normal,so it is not neurological problem.I have used medicines like clonazepam,respiridone,busiprone.My psychologist said that it is not auditory hallucinations.If anyone has found an answer to stop these songs,please send a mail to ***@**** you also need any help feel free to send a mail to me,i can atleast guide you or we can discuss about it since i have had it for five years .
Here is one small solution it is not working for me anymore but i read it in a newspaper:replace the repeating song with another song so that the repeating song subsides.Please try this.
And my psychologist told me to keep myself as busy and preoccupied as possible.Hope this helps
Hmmm, I've always had songs that start before I wake up. It's pretty much all day, the songs change depending on what I've heard throghout the day. Some I really hate. But like I said, it's been as long as I can remember so I'm used to it I guess. Although my psychiatrist looked puzzled when I told him. LOL
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