I want to hurt myself...

[DarkShmoke]

My mood changes like CRAZY!.
One minute I'm happy, another I'm crazy, then upset and usually crying then i go into this weird state and i usually stay in that state for a couple hours/ to days, depending how bad it is...
I don't know why i get like this... I couldn't even begin to tell you.
But all i do know is, It's not good for my health...
My feelings are usually destructive, or self destructive, I'll intend to hurt myself until i bleed or have many cuts. I won't eat in the slightest, If i were to even look at food I'd get sickened by it. All i can think about when i look into the darkness or into my mind is Rape, Torture and Mutilation... Usually that's the first thing that comes to my mind when I'm in that state.
also, lately I've been wanting to hang myself... I always feel so horrible about myself and my body... Sometimes I'll even talk to myself because i don't leave my house too often... (Smoking weed to cope and video games)
****... i really don't know what to do... i'm so lost.. Even right now as i type this to you, I'm just so lost in the darkness..
Does ANYBODY OUT THERE UNDERSTAND!!!!

[Xila31]

Hi, well, I understand. I have self-harming problems and also suicidal ideation for many years, since I was a child. I understand that not eating. When I'm upset I can't eat and food makes me sick. I have had periods of time where I purposefully would not eat as a teenager due to self-loathing. Also I am not a cutter but a hitter, and I attack myself, usually my face and my head. I have given myself lumps and bruises, some of which lasted a long time and were very painful. I've had a couple of suicide attempts as well.

These things are all bad things that are symptoms of something else going on. If a psychiatrist is trying to give you medication it must mean something. Psychiatric medicines are meant to stabalize the biochemical deficiences or whatever that are happening in your brain. If you're diagnosed with a psychiatric condition such as bipolar or major depressive disorder, then it is actually a physical problem of your biochemistry not functioning properly. If you have something else like boarderline personality disorder that is more talk therapy. So you need to see what your diagnosis is.

I think it comes to the point that we live with these problems for so long they start to feel normal to us. But really, there is help out there and you should take it if you can get it. Pe

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I went through countless therapists and psychiatrists and such as well until I found ones who work with me well.

[run4you]

I get like that when I'm not on my meds or my meds aren't working.

The key is to find a psychiatrist that you trust. I've lucked out and found a really good one, but it's not the first (or the second, or the third... etc) for some people. Don't give up just because you haven't found a good one yet.

Psychiatrists are people, just like us. You'll find some you don't want to work with, and then you'll happen upon one and click.

I hope you find someone to help you... mood shifting is not fun.

[DarkShmoke]

Well yes indeed... I have tried several times... But none of them seem to understand, they just try to put me on medications that i clearly don't need. And i feel like they think i'm some kind of weirdo or creature... So it never really worked out...
Since the dawn of my awakening of life I've repressed my aweful memories(which you can read on my profile somewhere) and i'm definately not an easy person to get along with..
I guess i'm just a bit frightened to meet a new person and start all over form scratch again... It's not easy for me... really..

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Some aspects of it sound psychological and some sound psychiatric.  A couple of possibilities pop into my head as to what's causing this but I would need to know more and I'm not trained in those areas even though my therapist tells me I know more than her sometimes.  Have you been to a therapist and psychiatrist yet?