Do the holidays set you off?

[wj74]

I've found that they do for me. Not the little ones, like Valentine's Day, but bigger like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not sure why...?

[Xila31]

You're always so clinical, just know that even if you were alone you're really not. Maybe we're far away and mostly digital through the forum, but you do have all of us. :D But I'm glad you have more positive people in your life. I also had friends who weren't for many years. It is hard to get over it when they suddenly disappear. Not only do you deal with the loss of someone, but you also have to come to terms with the negative aspects that occured thanks to them to begin with. I know the holidays can be rough for people, but at least you get a whole year to recover from them.

[ILADVOCATE]

The dysphoria I have that is neurological comes and goes. At this point I have set up a consultation with a research neurologist to treat it further and the family member that has cyclothymia is taking a more positive approach to their own recovery. We are working together to set up the accomodations I need to get out and about more. I had lost some "friends" who really weren't. I did realize it was time to move on but the feeling of being alone overwhelmed me. The people I know now have a more positive approach to life regardless of whether they have a disability or not and I am networking with more people like that in the outside world. When a person acquires a secondary disability the initial stages of grieving are loss and anger and at times they do return to me but from there I try to take further steps to make direct changes in my life. Its not easy. I can't guarantee things will be different physically but next year but in other ways I will be integrated back into the community more and know more people who have a more positive approach to life. The holidays are a set back to many people especially in this time of a reccession and to me are a good time to reach out to other people and not feel isolated. I myself have to keep that in mind. Thanks.

[Xila31]

I'm sorry you had a bad New Years. :(

I don't know how old you are, but I can tell you we don't really celebrate it at all and we went to bed long before midnight just out of being tired. Sure, a lot of people do a big deal over it, but really what do they do but go get drunk or something. Maybe next year you can have some friends over just to watch t.v.? Maybe order pizza or chinese or something. That's all we do at my house, it really isn't too bad. Just know you're not alone in not celebrating it or going to parties. I hope you're feeling better now and not feeling depressed.

Christmast doesn't bother me because I think we're poor so I don't go to the mall and shopping takes so little time. I guess I just let it go by me and not think about it.

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes they do. Now especially since I am homebound from my physical disability but as treatment improves that may change. But they did before I acquired my physical disability especially Christmas because my family had their own poor emotional coping strategies (one is diagnosed now) and it impacted on me since I was a kid. New Year's eve this year was especially hard for me knowing that people were going out enjoying themselves and I could not. I know some of the dysphoria I experience is neurological but that doesn't mean part of it is not psychiatric. Only my psychiatrist would know in full. I was alone on both days and quite depressed and did not watch the ball drop on tv and kept telling people "its just a change of date in the calendar. its not really a holiday". I could see my thinking was not healthy then. Thanksgiving on the other hand has always been a pleasent holiday for me because my family was emotionally stable then and this year my mother and a close friend came by and we celerbrated it at my house. Seperating my mental recovery from that of other members of the family is essential but as I am physically vulnerable and require accomodations its not easy to do and emotionally they don't want to give up their sense of control but I asked them to speak to their therapist about it and they said they would. My psychiatrist supports this decision.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Christmas time can make me get irritable and other nasty things, especially towards a certain person, but this is because of my PTSD and how something happened in relation to them that was extremely traumatic for me.  I start having invasive memories and all that BS around Christmas time.  This is sort of the same concept but of an entirely different nature.  Christmas used to also always agitate me anyway because of how I worked in a retail place and it would get busier and busier and customers could get stupid sometimes until it reached the climax of Christmas eve and then afterward it was dead once again but I don't do that job anymore thankfully.

[kathy434]

The holidays are full of advertisements of the perfect wonderful time with family and friends and fun shopping and baking, and everything nice.  But not everything is always so nice in reality.  Thus these are especially hard times.  You may no longer have somebody to share the holidays, or you are having financial difficulty, or a health problem, or transportation difficulties.....  It is a difficult period for many.  Do you have a friend to share the holidays with?  Maybe you can get some ideas that I gave to Xila31.
Bake some cookies or candy for gifts, or buy little bags of mixed soup beans for gifts.  I got this for several Christmases and just loved it.  I went home and whipped up a big pot of bean soup.  This gift lasted well beyond Christmas.  It cost the giver 99 cents.  She wrapped it in a paper towel core and wrapped that in tissue paper.  It was this gift I remember over all other gifts at XMas.  And I will give others this gift in the future.  A can of food, or a cake mix makes nice gifts.  They will be used for sure.
Holidays can be hard if you have lost somebody during the year.  It is still a time of grief.  My heart goes out to you.
If you cannot get out, maybe a neighbor can visit you for an hour or two.  Have some tea and cookies and some laughs.  Or see if somebody in the family or a friend can pick you up and bring you to their celebration location.  You may need to ask, and this is OK.  Often people get so wrapped up in their plans that they forget those who are not having a good holiday.
Save your onion skins (brown parts) throughout the year.  At Easter time put them into hot water and let the colors leech out.  And wrap the eggs with the skins and let dry.  They dye the eggs so neat looking.  Put on a little egg hunt for the neighborhood kids and call the families to let them know.  Kids love this sort of thing.  It is a joy to watch and fun to share in the fun of kids.
Visit a friend or neighbor on the holiday.  It is OK to tell them you are having a tough time with the holiday.  Take some cookies and tea or coffee along and enjoy a visit.
Holidays can be very difficult if you are feeling depressed in the first place.  I have been there.  Talk to your doctor and see if he can help you with an antidepressant to get you through this time.  Sometimes this is all you need.  It is not fun being sad during these times.  This year I didn't even put up a tree.  It was just another day for me and that was OK with me.  I talked on the telephone with family members who all live across the country from me.  I loved that.           K

[kathy434]

How long ago did your mother pass away?  Does your family celebrate Mother's Day with you now?
For this coming Mother's Day, plan ahead to do something fun and special.  I don't know what your interests are or if you live in a city or the country.  Maybe you can do something like, bicycling to another town not too far away.  The exercise feels great.  Or take a walk with your family to have a picnic lunch, or build a birdhouse for summer, or go shopping for a new piece of clothing or a purse.  Call a friend or better, visit a friend.  You can think up things you like.  Maybe go visit a museum or art gallery. Look forward to a class in something.  Go to the movies with your family, eat popcorn and a drink and have fun with a good movie, a happy movie.  Just get out from your regular routine and take care of you.  You'll never be able to replace your mother and the times you spent together, but you can start to change your grief by starting to live in the present and make it your special day.  Does this help?

[Xila31]

Christmas I do okay, same with Easter and Thanksgiving. The holiday that is really bad for me is Mother's Day. As soon as the ads start showing up "Buy mom jewelry, flowers and candy. Show mom you love her," and on and on. I just start to lose it. Mother's Day is probably one of my worst triggers and is actually what sent me into the horrible roller coaster last year. I always thought that once I was a mom it would be better, since the day would be focused on me instead of me not having a mom. Instead I think it is worse, because I still don't have a mom and now my kids don't have their grandmom and it just turns into more than I can handle.