I am not sure why but I feel like even waking up is a struggle. I am bi polar and I don't take my medicine like I should bc I can't afford it. I am so tired of this lonlely, empty life I am 42 and I just ready to sleep.
My mother is 78, is a unipolar manic. She has manic episodes that last from 6-9 months with little to no depression, about every 3-4 years. I can't go into all the details (would be a book). She never admits what she has, although was formally diagnosed in a hospital where she admitted following prison for calling the police nonstop. That was about 20 years ago, she was put on lithium and cleared right up, but of course stopped after she was released. My dad is a co-dependent, just moves away when she is bad. She is also a servere alcoholic. Now she is in a manic episode, going on for about 3 months, living in her house in Tahoe with 4 other homeless people she says she is "saving", including my brother who is also BP. She has been smoking and drinking throughout her life.
My sister and I have given up trying to help, we have gotten verbal abuse over it for over 35 years, you can only take so much. If my dad passes first, it will be a living nightmare for my sister and I since my mom as never paid a bill in her life, my dad handles all their finances.
It is so sad, she would have been an awesome mom if not for the BP.
Does BP worsen with age? I read that it does, in my case it has, and in my sister's case it has. Of course, two anecdotes and a vague remembering I read something somewhere isn't all that definitive.
My last mania (which was about three years ago) included delusions, which was a first for me. I also went AWOL (from work not the military) for two weeks and ended up across the country. But I soon crashed into a mixed state and really didn't require any intervention. No lasting harm done, except for maxed out credit cards.
My sister's most recent mania (a month ago) resulted in a 10 day hospitalization, a first for her. She also lost her apartment, car, and came very close to a 6 month commitment. Also bear in mind she was on Tegretol and high doses of benzos at the time.
You might find a benzodiazepine such as diazepam would help with the racing thoughts...
Obviously I would never recommend this but I was self-medicating bipolar symptoms with heroin for years and wondering why the methadone didn't work for me (I felt depressed out of my mind on methadone). Eventually I gave up heroin but became psychotically manic. When I did take heroin on top of mania the one therapeutic thing it did was to make my crowded brains suddenly feel crystal clear ~~ in effect the racing thoughts had stopped.
I'm thinking maybe a benzo would do a similar thing. Drs don't like prescribing them as they're addictive if used every day for any length of time. Also if you do take them every day they become markedly less effective, so they're much better retained strictly for PRN use.
Hope this maybe has helped...
I have bipolar II and my illness has gotten much worse with age (I'm 47). I just found out, though, taking SSRIs may have been causing it to get worse, so I'm coming off my citalopram and going to be put on lamatrogine.
There's some research now that SSRIs and SNRIs can exacerbate bipolar and if you're BPDII it's often misdisagnosed as depression and SSRIs prescribed, which can lead to rapid cycling and a worsening of your symptoms over time.
love your post, i have bipolar II disoder and i agree the meds are side effect hell for sure,