Codependency

[x89rt]

Hello, I'm 17 and I am extremely codependent to the point where it is becoming unhealthy. I don't know exactly what to ask so I'll just ask this: Any advice or comments?

[x89rt]

I still don't know how though, and that's where I'm stuck. I will try your advice but something to tells me I'll need more things to get over this. Any other ideas?

[Xila31]

The inability to brush your teeth is the illness. It's not really that you are unable to respect yourself. If you were not able to respect yourself, you never would have come here looking for help or answers. As long as you are asking questions, you're still moving forward toward healing.

First, you have to get through the depression. The illness is dragging you down. You need to find yourself outside that illness. You need to find tiny pieces of you in there and write them down so you don't forget them. The tiniest things, even things that seem dumb. "My eyes are green adn I like the color green." Oh, sure, how does that matter? Well, at least your eyes are a color you like. That's just an example. I know it sounds stupid, but either you fight it or it takes you away. And although you don't believe it right now, there is more to life than the illness and it is worth seeing.

Just remember, we've all been there in one form or another, so you're not alone. But your psychiatrist is right, if you sit waiting for the magical "knight in shinning armor" to come, then you're not going to get anywhere. Only you can fight the demon when all is said and done, and just by coming here and asking questions you've already shown that you're interested in that fight.

[x89rt]

It's funny linda. I already have a psychologist and I see him every week on thursdays (today) and he said some of the things you said. Unfortunately, he also said some things that have brought my mood even lower. He said that I can't wait for someone to magically come into my life and love me and fill the void my parents left as a child. He said I have to learn to love myself. The problem is, I don't think I can. I don't have enough respect for myself to even bother to brush my teeth so how can I possibly love myself?

[lindahand]

You need to care about what your opinion of yourself is. Relying on others to meet that need will lead to being let down.

I think it is obvious that you are seriously depressed so right now you need to tackle the depression. Right now your head is full of lies that depression tells you. When I am depressed my mind tells me: what does it matter, I am useless anyway so why try, I just screw up everything I do, I am a horrible waste of space and a horrible person because I feel this way. I am so numb I just don't care anymore. I'm betting you have some similar thoughts. Remember though that thoughts aren't facts and depression is a really good liar.

You need to get to a GP or psychiatrist. This week. There may be some medications that help, or therapies you can try out. Cognitive behavioural therapy is good for pure depression (not as good for bipolar depression but still helpful). And it is good you posted here. That shows that on some level you really do care and really do want help.

Take care of yourself best you can and keep reaching out.

[Xila31]

Well, it sounds like you need to see a psychiatrist. It also sounds like you probably have no support at home. If you live in the US, you can see your family doctor and explain what is happening, then be referred toa psychiatrist. By law neither one can tell your family what happens at your doctor unless you give them prermission. These issues are something you need to adress to get better. Living for someone else does not solve the problem. And the truth is, no one will ever be able to fill the shoes you are trying to fit them into, and you'll find yourself disappointed over and over again.

When I was a teen I kept thinking that I had something wrong with me and kept waiting for someone to notice. If had had known I could have seen my doctor without needing my dad, I would have. Not taking care of myself threw my whole life off track, and I'm sorry to say but if you don't then finding someone who does it for you is impossible. :( I know, I went through that.

[x89rt]

Here is the thing. I have no motivation whatsoever. I rarely brush my teeth, never brush my hair, same for deodorent, lately I've been forgeting to take a bath, and when I do, I don't even bother to use soap. I don't care about my own opinion of myself and if you read my journal, you'll find out I don't care about my parent's opinion of me either. I feel like I need to find someone who I find important enough to care about their opinion of me so that I can improve myself. Basically, I guess I'm looking for a girlfriend? Idk. At one point, I had a friend who I would ask to tell me to brush my teeth, and when she did, I would.

[Xila31]

I would say co-dependancy is a form of anxiety and also it is a symptom of depression, (such as it is hard to make decisions so you rely on others to do it for you.) Anyway, you should talk to a therapist  about it. If you can talk to your parents and let them know your concerns as well. Although if you are uncomfortable doing so you can also talk to your family doctor to get a referal and they cannot tell your parents.

[Alex_X_18]

Try developing some sort of center focus to improve your confidence in yourslef
such as trying a new hobby or strting a new job this willl help to define you as an individual and not in relation to where others are,....this has always helped me when i felt as though I was becoming codependant over someone....You also might try talking to a therapist about this as you will likely need a safe enviorment to talk about this and come up with proactive solutions