Hi - I was diagnosed with bipolar about three months ago by my psychiatrist and the therapist. Prior to that I was treated for OCD and depression. I think it took so long because everyone listened when I said I was sad but I felt like no one heard when I said I just got soo angry. It also was hard to diagnose because I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth about my manic phases - cutting, rage, stealing, spending, multiple sexual partners, talking to fast and too much, forgetfulness and lack of sleep. Once I did - treatment could begin.
My problem is, I feel like I am getting worse. I think it is mainly due to the psycho therapy. I am unleashing feelings and memories I kept boxed up for so long. So, I feel like I am cycling more rapidly and then there is the cutting. It helps snap me back to reality during a period of mania. I feel like it is out of control. On the weekend I took a razor and just started slashing my leg - over and over. No control just slashing. What stopped me was seeing myself in the mirror - I looked deranged. Seeing the room devestated me. There was blood on the floor, on the wall. I just sat in in the shower and cried. Any suggestions?