bipolar boyfriend hostile and left for no reason

[bluedaisy25]

Hello, I am new to this forum but need advise on this topic desperately. I met my boyfriend three months ago and we fell in love immediately. Everything was going great. Too good, actually. He would tell me how he couldn’t live without me, how he wanted to be with me forever, how I was too perfect for him. He would also say how he hates himself and that I can do so much better and that I am going to hurt him. Major self esteem issues. Early on, he also told me about his bipolar and that he is off his meds for the time being. He also drinks. Well this past week, this were going GREAT. Two nights ago, he literally told me how much he loves me and how he can’t wait to marry me. Then, the bomb dropped the very next morning. I got a text from him saying to F off and never speak to him again, no explanation, nothing. I am crushed. Does anyone think he will come back? This has to be the bipolar right? How can he go from one extreme to the other SO quickly? Help please!

[JohnnyMitchelll]

The harsh reality is that if you don't want to deal with this or simply can't handle it, then it is probably best you move on. 3 months is hardly enough time to truly know somebody even if you spend a ton of time together. Good luck

[CamilaWALLACE]

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[XavierB]

I am a 28 year old bipolar guy, and my last relationship ended because I couldnt handle it and couldn't live with myself hurting her over and over by starting fights and putting her down. I would find problems, we would argue, and we would get back together, but it was awful and unfair to her. I feel for any girl who is in a relationship with a bp guy. Dont get me wrong, I treated her great when I wasn't having an episode but eventually I ended it cause I was convinced she deserved better and maybe she wasnt the right one for me on top of that. That was 6 months ago. She has moved on, has a new bf and seems happy. I am happy for her but im sad that I am this way and constantly feel lonely. Bipopar men are generally intelligent and can find a way to rationalize breaking up with a girl out of nowhere for the greater good. We get overwhelmed easily and are never satisfied but when we are in the high of the relationship, everything seems perfect until a sudden mood change turns it ugly. I'm desperately trying to change, maybe your bf will to but he needs to get help. Thats what im doing and hopefullyi can be a better man.

[NinaJune]

I have been with my boyfriend for one and a half years now! He is bipolar and has left me twice, but threatened many times. This time he left without even telling me! Out of the blue! The break ups occur when he goes(what I call dark) I believe it to be a mixed episode. It is really awful when I see this in him. His face changes! When he left the last time he was gone almost a week, but who knows how long it will be this time. I try to be supportive and give him his space, but I think it doesn't matter what you do, sometimes it just happens! If you have been around them long enough you can see the change coming, I am not sure if my boyfriend is Cyclothymic or just rapid cycling, but dealing with this disorder is an every day ordeal! You just love them and try not to neglect yourself, it is so difficult though. I want to understand, but when you cannot get into their brains it is impossible to understand. Will he come back? Probably. They are notorious for doing this. I think your guy will come back too. I have done so much research on the disorder that I could write a book on it. Having a relationship with a bipolar is definitely a roller coaster ride. I am trying to convince myself that if he does come back, only take him back under my terms! I say this, but I can't say that I will do it. We need to be strong not only for ourselves but for them too.
Keep posting everyone! I want to learn as much as I possibly can!!  

[rogelio63]

Ya know,,not to be sexist or anything,,but you need to get a guys opinion like nomeglyttyr and mine for instance.  I agree with everything that he said.  Then there's also guy logic.  If I tell her I love her and they're no one else for me,,,then I get what I want,,wink, wink (read: sex).  Now, I'll get sympathy for saying I'm a loser. that brings out the "mothering" instinct.  Then, I throw in the BP thing for more sympathy and "understanding" and to give me an excuse for the deplorable dumping that I'm going to inevitably do.
Of course he may be totally up front with you, totally "anti" everything I said and it really was the BP that caused him to act that way.
Guys can be real a***oles, trust me, I'm one of them. And maybe I'm being one by saying all this, I probably am, but then I HAVE BP and they just changed my meds so if it's from that I really am sorry.  I hope I'm wrong and he's a great guy that just needs help and I hope everything works out.

[nomeglyttyr]

My advice? Don't let him back. There's bipolar and then there's abusive behavior. I see a lot of red flags in what you said. His bipolar does not excuse his behavior. All that talk about how you're too good for him and such is often used as a ploy to keep someone in an unhealthy/abusive relationship. I would be cautious if you do let him back in your life.

I mean, yes, bipolar does make people act irrationally sometimes but A: being bipolar does not always cause such behavior, and B: it's the job of the person with bipolar to do whatever possible to minimize damage to relationships and other people's lifes. I don't see any amount of accountability or responsibility in how you've described him. Yes, your post is short and isn't necessarily a true description of how he is but what you have said is troubling.

[Fiesty13]

Yes I totally agree,before I was on medication I had a year long relationship where one minute I was totally in love and looking to the future making all sorts ov plans then switched to having no feelings for that person and wanting to be on my own.it is hurtful and damaging to both parties.i would honestly say untill he is getting therapy and is medicated i wouldn't waste your time

[Bipolarbaby4]

I am bipolar.  And you can ask my boyfriend.  I do this ALL THE TIME.   He is probly just "in a mood". That is what my boyfriend calls it when I do that.  Me and my boyfriend have been together a year and a half.  He deals with my bipolar very well.  He will most likely come back. But you need to think about. What if this is not the only time he does this? Will you stay? Because I can tell you this will happen again