Wanting to adopt

[Nikki2226]

I am trying to decide if I should adopt two children.  A friend of mine has 4 children, two biological and two adopted.  His wife suddenly left and gave up rights to all four children.  It all happened overnight.  He asked my husband and I if we would consider adopting the two younger adopted brothers, because he doesn't think he can handle, or afford, to raise 4 kids.  We are very seriously considering it and have spent time with the boys to get to know them.  I have heard that having a mental illness can affect our ability to adopt, although there is not a specific law in place.  During a required homestudy, a social worker will require info on our mental heath.  I have had bipolar II for about a year, and I worry I will be denied.  This is really bothering me because I am also infertile.  I want these boys to have a good home, and I think we can provide that.  But if I can't have kids and I can't adopt now or in the future because of my diagnosis, I'm out of luck.  Also, I am starting to question my diagnosis.  I had a depression, and after I stopped taking antidepressants it developed into a mixed episode.  I had a week long hospital stay.  I read that a mixed episode following antidepressant use should not count towards a diagnosis of bipolar.  I have never had a hypomanic episode or another depressive one before or since.  I have had 3 psychiatrists say I was bipolar (but they all kind of went off of what the first doc said) and one said that I had major depression and was definately not bipolar.  I don't know who to trust.  My mom was hospitalized once with major depression, and she is a great parent.  I hope this illness doesn't keep me from having children.  Has anyone here ever adopted a child or known someone with bipolar who has?  How do I convince the social worker that I am fit to parent?  

[LeftCoastChick]

Oh no, I didn't mean that it was for mania, just for depression.  You are going to have to accept that you have BP, though it's always good to ask about symptoms. I laughed at some of the things that my pdoc brought up.  Like folks being rude in a line up or having to wait a long period of time, it makes my blood boil.  Even weird things like, I take public transit, and the rule is to take off your large backpack, and I see someone not following rules and it irks me to no end. People chewing gum really irritates, the same with a loud eater or sloppy one.  My whole 20's I was highly dramatic, my life was chaotic by my own doing.  Now I hate loud noises, cars honking and ambulances just to name a few sounds. I bounce off walls and become shaky and hypo on one measly cup of coffee these days. I used to self medicate with caffeine to get me going when I wasn't on a mood stabilizer.

You are going to have to look at BP like any neurological issue, seriously. You did nothing wrong, most of the time it's a genetic blunder or it's passed down from a family member. Mine's a genetic blunder for the most part.  I take the meds like anyone has a neurological disorder, and I educate people that we aren't crazy our brains are actually different. You can see the differences on CT and PET scans. If you want to get and remain stable, meds are required, therapy can help with coping mechanism and retraining thought, but nothing can replace the meds.

I'm on an anti-seizure med, Lamictal as a mood stabilizer (anti-deppressant type med), as well as Seroquel, which really helps with the highs  and many of my sensitivities which make me hypomanic. I do take Ativan if I'm really shaky. I just had Wellbutrin added on because I'm having a hard time controlling the depression. ugh.
These are front-line meds, which means first choice meds, as well as Lithium. When on these meds you should be monitored anyways, so if any side effect happens, not often though, you can switch drugs quickly.  The chances of relapse and more difficulties treating BP happen are when folks are non-compliant or just simply refuse to take meds, this does not go away on it's own. After being either chaotic or depressed it's a relief to not always being on the edge.

[Nikki2226]

Verry interesting.  I didn't know ECT wasn't used for mania.  I know it is not used often, but I thought it was more of a stigma thing than a safety thing.  I wish there was a simple way of treating this illness.  I hate the whole "maintenance" treatment thing.  I don't like the idea of being on a medicine that affects my brain functioning every day for the rest of my life.  I don't know if it hurts my body more than it helps it.  I wonder what will happen after 30 years of being on meds.  Will it have long-term effects? Will I be incapable of functioning without it?  The docs don't seem to give a darn, they just say pop this in your mouth and we'll see what happens.  

I want to be stable though if I have kids.  I definately don't want to risk it.  

[LeftCoastChick]

ECT's in Canada is the last ditch treatment, I had one woman in my support group that had quite a few, she was only diagnosed with Major Depression. Her memory wasn't that great for the first couple of weeks and still doesn't have some of her short term back - but she had many done. The problem with BP  and ECT, is that  it will come back, and it's used only during a Major Depressive episode.  it's effects are temporary for most. So the ECT is not a cure, it just bumps you out of depression for a while, but if it's a chemical imbalance, it will return. I looked into it myself, but was flatly refused the treatment because of the above reasonings.

[Nikki2226]

It is great to get the opinions of someone who was adopted.  Thank you.

The poor kids were already in foster care once, my friends fostered them and then adopted.  CPS threatened to seperate them into different homes if they didn't adopt, so they kind of rushed into it I think.  I feel so bad for the whole family.  It is a very sticky situation.  I don't think their dad will put them back in the system though.  He wants us to adopt them or he will keep them.  We are hoping he will take more time before he comes to this decision.  I hate for a family to break up like that.  If he would rather them not be there though, it is probably not the best place for them.  I don't know too much about how foster care works, but it makes sense that a family should sort of tests things out first before making a final decision.  Apperantly it didn't work in my friend's situation though.  I don't think he has thought about possible consiquences for him and the other children yet.

I got the info on the diagnostic criteria in question from the DSM-IV.  I need to ask a doctor more about it though.  I was completely accepting of my diagnosis until recently when I started going back and looking at my symptoms.  I was so ready to accept the diagnisis and get treatment that I didn't get a second opinion.  I wanted something to blame everything on and I spent so much time trying to convince my family that it wasn't my fault and I wasn't just being dramatic and selfish.  I think to an extent the diagnosis was a self-fulfilling prophecy The other doctors diagnosis came later when I went to the hospital and such.  I would love to get off my medication, and I have to if I am going to try to get pregnant, which may require some sort of fertility treatments.  I know it is not a good idea to stop taking meds and I am completely compliant with my treatment.  It sounds crazy, but I am going to ask the doc about ECT if an episode reapears.  It is safer for pregnant women and has very high success rates.  It may cause temporary short term memory loss though, which is scary.  I wonder if it has less long term side effects than medication?  They even sometimes use it as a maintenance treatment, but I'm sure it is very rare.  

[LeftCoastChick]

I would suggest you seek legal counsel - they would be able to give you the best answer. Many folks question their diagnosis, but the DSM-IVr is pretty specific on the criteria of a BP diagnosis, 3 telling you are I would honest accept the diagnosis. After going off meds you had a mixed episode, that is BP I hate to say. Unfortunately many folks don't believe they have BP and end up worse after they stop taking meds, many get hospitalized. I don't know where you would have read that it wouldn't count? It does absolutely.

Being stable on treatments and acknowledging your disorder will actually I think make it easier for you. I do know that kids need to be "fostered" for a period of time before the adopting process is done. I'm adopted and I was in the "foster" zone for a year  before full adoption. So it isn't an instantaneous situation, as well, I'm sure there would be legal issues with a father dumping his kids as well as the consequences with the other children.  I actually hope there are consequences for the father and whether he should have rights to the other children. If it was the father that abandoning the children, this probably wouldn't be the case. I'm sorry, I'm very opinionated