My new counselor changed my diagnosis to PTSD

[damselfly]

Two years ago I voluntarily went to an outpatient program at a psychiatric hospital.  My overriding symptom was depression/emptiness.  I was also in a lot of physical pain from refractory rheumatoid arthritis.  My husband had been working out of town for over 5 years Monday-Friday.  Also he was gone most weekends with his friends.  My youngest daughter had just finished her last year of college and moved to be on her own.  The father of my 2 daughters died suddenly (heart attack) in 1989.  Two months prior to that, my father died.  I was also struggling with a business that had taken a downturn.  It was horrible, frightful ... The year after my husband's death, I drank and saw a psychiatrist who put me on Halcion and Xanax.  I had never been on any sort of medication ... so I really did not understand what he had prescribed or why (he has since been labeled as a "quack" by most professionals in my community)  I always felt lost in time and I had a since that I was watching myself/my life unfold as one would watch a play.  For 3 years, I could not rid myself of the vision of my husband dying (he died at home in front of my children then 6 and 9 years old) and the look of sheer terror on my daughter's faces.  When I laid down at ngiht, drove, washed dishes, whatever ... it was there.  I cannot tell you how terrible it was.  I thought I would lose my mind.  When my husband died, I was left with one relative in the state ... no family.

I met my current husband in the year following my husband's death.  It was the biggest meeting of co-dependents ever ... like beacons shining in the night at each other.  We did get some help (transactional analysis early in our relationship.  It helped me a lot.  Over the ensuing years, I got BUSY with my daughters.  However, my husband was mostly uninvolved ... he did not help with housework, etc.  He built a life separate from me with his male friends, most of who I would characterize as misogynists.

When I went to the outpatient program I had no friends, no family.  The only people who came into my home were my husband's family and they were often openly hostile to me.  My husband has a long, long history of traingulating other people -- his friends, family, children into our relationship. He always accused me of having abandonment issues -- til I confronted him and said you have abandoned me.  You work out of town 5 days a week and are gone on the weekends.  We entered marital counseling and he lied on numerous occasions to the therapist.  I was loosing my battle with depression -- he would sincerely tell me that he wanted to change -- that he would quit talking about me behind my back ... it went on ...

Anyway, the counselor that my doctor sent me to spent all of 15 minutes before she recommended the outpatient program.  I was seen my a hurried/disinterested psychiatrist for maybe 2 minutes .... The program did help ... I was placed on the trauma unit ...

Anyway, I was diagnosed as bipolar and put on medication ... which after 3 months made me much, much worse.
I think I may have been highly suggestible ... I was in so much emotional pain from years of emotional abuse in my marriage.  I was able to go visit with my mother out of town ... we spent a lot of time researching bipolar and she who know me better than anyone said she believed it was not an accurate diagnosis.  I began to see a different counselor who diagnosed me with PTSD ... and I am so improved and hopeful.  At first I couldn't talk about my first husband's death ... I was terrified the images would return ... Now I am so saddened that life dealt me and my daughters such a cruel blow. .. I am dealing with my guilt at not being there for my daughter's after their father's death .. and realize that it was the best I could do at the time.

I am currently receiving counseling 2x a month and I feel my life has been given back to me.  Oh and by the way,
my hsuband who saw another therapist at my counselor's insistence was administered the MMPI psychological test.  He tested with very high narcissistic traits and also his test taking methods indicated he was not being truthful on the test.  He would like to go back to marriage counseling ... I have seen an attorney.

Just wanted to share ... there are a lot of labels out there and there are also a tremendous number of incompetent
therapists.

[Venora Moonwind]

My heart goes out to you.Please stay in touch and let us know how it goes with you and your family.
Love Venora

[ccurci]

hi,
i found the post that you were talking about. wow!  i know you will have a more positive outlook. you are a strong person to go through all of this. i can understand how you feel with all the history that you have had. I am going to seek another counselor too...

Camille