Bipolar brother who is unwilling to change/ accept responsibilities

[rohitp]

So I have my younger brother who is 29 years old. He is out of job from 18 months and is on bipolar disorder medication. Me and my father have tried to help him a lot but he is unwilling to change and often blames us instead.

From the start. One year back my mother had committed sucicide our family has a history  of depression. My brother who was earlier working in an IT firm had been layed offbut18 months back. He had developed habbits of smoking marijuana and when we try to stop he refuses to let go and give us explanation how marijuana is miracle drug. He will wake up till 6 am in morning watching YouTube videos and movies and then goes to sleep till 4 pm.

My father and I had tried to peacefully and calmy remind him of how important maintaining a helathy routine is necessary. But he refueses to accept and does not leave his habbits. On confrontion he often uses mean worlds and blackmail us about how our mother was unhappy with out atitute. He believes he is doing absolutely fine and it's us who needs to change.

He is constantly demanding money and when we won't give him he would fight with us till the time he gets it.

Few months back he told us he needs to get a job and want to live in city. For this he require 4 to 6 months of ctime and money till that time period. We had agreed to pay his rent and give him a fixed monthly allowance. However after o serving him from 2 months I have noticed he had still not chnages any of hai habbits and is still not sleeping till 6 and wakes up at 4 am . Does not have any will /desire to remain clean. I had as committed given him his monthly allowance but he ends up spending the same in a day or ctwo and again coming back for more money. I had many times specifically said that I would give extra money but he refuses to accept and rather demand that it's my responsibility to give him money . He will often say horrible stuff about my behavior and how I am acting as a boss who is controlling his life. He would abuse and then challenge how he would soon get a job and immediately pay me back wahat he has taken with interest. He balmes me for his problems. And belives all the mess he is in is because of me.

He has also lost all divinity and would ask for money from any and everyone. And when asked to not do the same he would argue who are you to question me .

After a day or two he would again try to communicate  these time with peacefully and try to manipulate in how I should give him money and Everything will soon become okay. How ever once I do give him the money he would go back to his regular routine.

This has continued from past 2 months , I am extremely confused how to takle him .
I am worried if I cut him off he might commit sucicide like my mother.

Please suggest how you would have handled this issue.

[specialmom]

First, very sorry to hear about your mother.  That's unbelievably hard.  But your brother is holding your whole family hostage.  You are in a tough situation but somebody has to take a stand here.  You say he IS taking medication?  It doesn't sound like it is working.  Does he see a psychiatrist?  In therapy?  He needs to be.  Let him fight all he wants, don't give him money.  You are not obligated.  If he cannot earn money due to mental health issues, he can apply for disability.  But he should not expect to be taken care of for the rest of his life.  This snot your father's obligation and especially not yours.  And his living this way with family that enables him to be dysfunctional just keeps it going longer.  

I would set a time frame for him to be employed and for his moving out.  And be ready to move his things into a storage unit where paid for two months and then you aren't paying.  They'll lock it and he'll have to pay to get his stuff. Sounds harsh but this can't go on.

If someone isn't going to TRY, there isn't much you can do to help them. But I know this is really hard and may seem impossible to do.  Just know that you will ultimately be helping him as he is forced to overhaul his life.  good luck