mixed state despair

[hell1971]

I have been in a mixed state since november, my doctor has just added lithium to my epilim but im not sure how long I can do this anymore, the going from happy to the deepest despair so quickly is taking its toll, i keep telling myself it will get better but im scared I have never felt so dramatically up and down, i feel so fragile, influenced by others and I know my thinking isnt right, i dont know how I am going to feel in an hour, I cant stand it. What if my thoughts take over I am not in control. I am doing everything I am told, taking sleeping pills, going to bed at the same time everyday etc.. etc.. why is it not working. I can see how hard this is on my family, my husband is exhaused.    

[beatfreak]

I just want to say hang in there! It WILL get better. I was taking lamictal to bring me out of my depression and it started to make me manic so my doc put me on lithium and said that I may need a different drug if I began to rapid cycle. I wanted to give up at first too. I already take Seroquel, Lamictal and Klonipin. I did not want to be on anything else. But I'm a week into it and the first few days were scary but I have to say I'm feeling better now than I ever have....so far. For some reason I dont know why but the Lithium just freaked me out at first, I kept thinking I wanted to just give up and not take it. But if your doc prescribed it, you need it. You should definately give it a try atleast. You've gotten this far, don't give up now!

[hell1971]

i started on the lithium on monday but because i am sensitive to drugs they are having to build up slowly, im scared im trying so hard to keep it together but then my thoughts take over. My mood is flipping because of the simplest changes, the tinyest bit of stress, even something someone says seem to change it, I cant process what people say in a objective way, it all means i shouldnt be here, i have to beleive my kids need me or whats the point but am I damaging them more, im trying so hard I dont know how long I can keep it together.

[hell1971]

sorry dont know what happened here

[beatfreak]

Just hang in there. Your kids definetely need you. Trust me it would be much harder for them to deal with losing you than whatever your puting on them now. Its a difficult thing to go through, but you just have to keep trying for the ones you love and yourself. Take it one day at a time. I hope things get better soon.

[hell1971]

I became pregnant during an episode 10 years ago this beautiful child of mine suffers from extreme anxiety, and has celiacs, I have just spent the last 8 years trying to find out what is wrong with her to find out that I have bipolar and in my doc report says that she has the symptoms and is at risk, me trying to find out what was wrong with her has lead me here to today, I have always blamed myself for my daughters despair now its confirmed, I promissed I would never emotionaly scar my children and this is exactly what I have done only for my daughter I have also genetically harmed her too.  

[lagatta]

Mixed states are what I have suffered from as well and it's exhausting.  Meds have helped!  Do you have a pdoc?  Has he put you and your child on any?  

[beatfreak]

First of all it is not your fault that the gene passed to your daughter, meaning you didnt knowingly give her bipolar. Even you yourself probably inherited it from someone in your family and I'm sure you dont blame them. I have a 3 year old and my pdoc told me to think twice before having another and it makes me so depressed because I always wanted at least two kids, a big family. Hang in there you are in a rough spot right now but you know you'll come out of it and things will all seem much different. I'm sure you wont feel the same way about alot of things that you do now.

[hell1971]

thanks for the support, I know I have to hold it together a little longer. Just scared for her, no one wants there child to suffer especially when you know how bad it can be. I had had nurse come round who was suppose to be helping me transition onto the lithium and to help me understand the condition and help support me with my daughter, instead he confussed me and flipped my mood by saying that it was my childhood that made me like this and that after I get through this current crisis I will go back to being up and down because I make it happen because my childhood was so unstable this is how I feel comfortable, at least thats what I thought he was saying, I thought he was saying i wasnt bipolar and I had only just got my head around the fact that I am. My husband called him and he started back peddling and saying thats not what he said and he made a mistake that it was too early to discuss my childhood blah blah, the effect was that it through me into complete turmoil, im feeling a little better today. thanks again

[beatfreak]

Everyone is different but for me, I know my childhood has something to do with it, but I dont agree with him saying your not bipolar, the meds will help you not go up and down, I dont think you will stay that way just because thats the environment you grew up in, I think that could play a part in your diagnosis and that you are on the right track with taking your meds. All the luck to you! I am so glad to hear that you are feeling good today. Sincerely, beatfreak....(haha that sounds funny, I couldnt find any other name and I like music so hence the name "beatfreak;)"

[hell1971]

He said to my husband that he didnt say I wasnt Bp, that I misunderstood he was explaining how I came to get it, my husband was mad because he is here for support not diagnosis and thinks the four doctors who have all agreed im bp2 know more than any nurse, he was so mad he wanted to phone and complain to my pdoc and said we should ask for someone else, I told him easy tiger whos bp here, i was just so upset because he tipped my thoughts when I had just got to accepting the diagnosis and therfor not feeling like I should be questioning the medication increase. He was just a tw*t, I feel flat today, not high nor low just flat, you did give me my first smile of the day beatfreak haha thats funny, actually made me chuckly, not sure why it just did so thanks.

[freebird227]

Doctors diagnosis by what is presented, ie; mania depression. And they treat what they see to the best of their ability, sometimes what they see changes with meds and not always for the best. Then comes the dredded tweeking game. Hate It.I am bp1 rapid cycler. But your discription of mixed eposides describes me to a T when I'm not stable.
  Does trama in  childhood play a part in our recovery...absolutely but that is delt with in therapy Even bp left to meds alone is not as successful  as doing other therapy along with the meds. Food for thought   best wishes and keep posting