what is wrong with me

[bipolerchick]

i am 18 i have a kid that dhs has custudy of right now and i seen her thruseday
on friday i started cutting again when i was at school i dont now if i did it cause of my kid being in dhs custudy or if i finaly brock down or what i am lost in my intire life i have gone throw hell my step dad he drank alot and ended up hurting me alot. his son raped me from the time i was 8 to 16 years old and dealing with that still hurts. i dont now if it was my past or if it could have some how been my hiden secreat my x girl friend hurting me cause she dose not get i cant take the pain is it that i love her and thinking about her makes it worse

[Xila31]

You're on the right track. Just watch everything will start to look up for you now. Just don't give up. I hope you can get everything worked out and you'll be back with your daughter in no time.

[bipolerchick]

i am i will be going in on the 16th oh the fun part is that i am going back on my pills on wen

[Xila31]

Just go back. It takes more than once to be of any help, just like meds take more than 1 pill to show any sign of working.

[bipolerchick]

so ya the teripist thing did not work to well but i am going back in 2 weeks

[bipolerchick]

i dont plan on it i have stopped once befor it took everything i had and took me forever but i did and i had a blade from my razor today and i cut it in hafe i am trying to change and i am letting all my scares heal inside and out with help of a friend at school and the ones that did what they did last night antell they seen what i was doing i did not think i had friends but people seem to show up more when they see you need them and then the one at school today let me now something i never though i would hear someone is proud of me just for trying

[Xila31]

Well, see, you have friends who care about you and are trying to help you. Please hang on and please try to stop. You an really get hurt and then where will your daughter be? She will be without her mom. Please don't let that happen.

[bipolerchick]

i am just here to add to the life that is happening today last night a friend desided to take my wepon of coice as i call it right now since i am at school and took all 3 trow 2 down in the grass and i looked but could not find them then when they were leaving she picked them up and her boyfriend throw them in the storm darain she still has one but it acishaly made it to were i went home and brock my razor just to get to the blade and sadly i cut lastnight and i now i did not need to

[bipolerchick]

ya i now the feeling of being dismissed my x girlfriend and my intire family has been doing it since they found out that i was thinking about cutting i have no clue what the would say if they new there were at lest 23 cuts on my ankle right now cause of the streess and the pain of being here alone mostly me and my kids dad dont talk i dont think we now what to say much anymore he dose not understand what this is doing to me

[Xila31]

I know how you feel being afraid to talk about these things and not being able to. I struggle with that as well. I am so afraid to tell anyone how I feel or how much I hurt because I am afraid they will just dismiss me. I also have had a lot of trauma in my life, although most of a different type than yours. With my sensitive nature and bipolar and anxiety disorder I do not hold up well under stress.

You are not alone. I'm glad to hear you will see a doctor. You can come here to talk as well, although we cannot advise you as a doctor can. But at least we can listen and not judge. We all have things that we are fighting against.

[bipolerchick]

the thing is i hide all of this stuff in the real world this is the first time i have ever been able to say it out loud if you now what i mean i am scared to
and ya i think i do need to go see a doc i got an apointmeant for the 30 so hoping that will go okay

[ILADVOCATE]

All of these are very real concerns. Traumatic events can often be emotional trigger points that cause people to engage in self destructive behavior. Besides speaking to a psychiatrist it would be worth speaking to a talk therapist as well. Cognitive behavioral therapy is helpful in addition to medication. The hurtful things that were done to you are events that you can't suddenly achieve closure from and do create emotional turmoil but its a matter of finding coping strategies in addition to the proper medication to find a way to gradually get your life back together. You have our support.