how honest are you with your partner

[hell1971]

As some of you are aware I have not been having a good time lately, although my husband knows I am depressed I hold alot back. I have not told him that I am having mind games,suicidal thoughts and paranoia about dieing. I know he knows something is not right as he is constantly asking if im ok, I always answer yes im fine, he has asked to come with me to the docs on wednesday. If he comes Im not sure I will able to tell my doc everything, if he doesnt come im still not sure I will be able to tell the doc everything. I am really confused and think they will gang up on me and put me in hospital. What should I do.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Whoops sorry I got confused and thought my comment didn't post because the page never reloaded.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Keep interrupting them and bringing it up, don't let them do that to you.  Tell them the two days were extremely temporary.  This **** happens to me where people invalidate or minimize what is going on with me.  I don't know if they're just being an *** to me because they don't understand or if they're trying to make me feel better.

[hell1971]

I think its all **** I think im ultradian cycling or what ever it is called, I felt realy good for 3
days and then depressed, im going from sleeping 10-12hours to sleeping 3. feel like each day im getting a little more crazy, had a really upsetting time with my husband last night, went to show him some effection and it was rejected, just wanted to hit out but instead just rocked myself to sleep, I dont think he is coping with my mood changes at the moment, I cant get to see my doc for 5 weeks as he is having an op feel like my appointment this week was waisted, will just have to ride the wave and hope I dont crash too far down when it happens.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Keep interrupting them and bringing it up, don't let them do that to you.  Tell them the two days were extremely temporary.  This **** happens to me where people invalidate or minimize what is going on with me.  I don't know if they're just being an *** to me because they don't understand or if they're trying to make me feel better.

[hell1971]

Just couldnt do it, I tried and they were both preoccupied with discussing the meds. I had had two really good days before my apointment so they focussed on that my doc was pleased he thought he had finally got the meds right. I tried to tell them how dark the week or so before had been but they didnt seem to want to here or I didnt want to tell im not sure which.

[zzzmykids]

It appears to me you are afraid of losing his love and maybe others if you told the darkest parts of yourself.  And wondering if you can trust your husband and your doctor.
You are worth loving. You have a disorder that is out of control at the moment so it is wise to be honest with your husband and with your pdoc.
Can you do that? It is difficult.  I know. Before I knew I was Bp2...but was...I would tell my husband all things and this last pdoc visit, I told him a secret only my husband was aware of, and he didn't throw me out of his office...he teared up.
I am learning to trust someone I pay to see and learning my husband will love me no matter what ugly awful thing I share with him. I just have to learn to trust....how about you?
zzzmykids

[Alex_X_18]

I feel similar about being honest with my bf. I don't always tell him whats going on even when I know something is wrong sometimes I really think I get paranoid. I think he knows more about this stuff than the avrage person cuz he is a phychology major he isn't even all that judgemental....but sometimes I don't even wanna tell him about ANYTHING involving bipolar like that I went to the doctor or support group or just tiny stuff that beecause I think he may be angry or disapointed....  right now I'm moderately stable but when things get worse its really difficult to be honest sometimes I lie or exaggerate about how well I'm doing because I'm afraid I'll worry him or be judged. This can be really hard when your in a heightened stste and it can really feel like your paranoid or your world is falling apart. What helps me is trying to stay in a calm state aproach the topic lightly at first talk it out one thing at a time and just be honest because even when your at your worst if someone really cares they typically just want to help. It works well and if I go to someone I know and trust their reaction generally isn't as bad as I think. Just try calmly expalining to your husband you think something may be wrong and that you would like to see your doctor alone so you can better discuss whats going on. Ask BOTH him and your doctor if they have any suggestions about improving your mood.

[JennyDots]

Maybe you could go together, but he could wait in the waiting room? Then if you want some support, he'd be there, but you'd feel more free to talk. I totally understand about not wanting to get thrown in the hospital, but sometimes it really helps to get things out in the open, and sometimes the hospital is a really safe place. Peace and best of luck to you.

[kathy434]

It appears that your husband really cares about you and is feeling some concern about what he is observing in your behavior.  Since you are having a problem with communication both with your husband and your doctor, let your husband go with you so he can share his concerns with the doctor.  It can help to get your talking started.  You don't need to feel ashamed of what you are experiencing and it really helps to be able to share your problems with your husband.  Nobody is planning to gang up against you or harm you.  Let him go and use this time to start dialogue and realize he is with you for support.  You are not reasoning right now, instead using what is called catastrophic thinking.  "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!  Run and hide..."  It is not logical thinking.