Aa
whats the point
whats the point of being on medication if it doesnt cure you, I want to be med free but my doc says I should never be med free, I am only BPII. I did have a major depressive episode and mixed state with ultridian cycling last year but I had been under prolonged major stress, my last major episode before that was 10 years ago, all my other episodes have been mild in comparison and only usually have hypomania and depression, I did go full blown manic last year but that was an exception not the rule. I know I am waffling on but I feel like I am still not back to normal and will not get back to my oldself until I am med free. Help me understand why I need medication permantly.
You need medication permanently to remain stable. There are still options. And as you know I am living proof of the fact that medications that will be approved in the near future will be far more effective and have a safer side effect profile. A person with epilepsy needs medication for the rest of their life as well but most often they are seizure free. Of course medications for bipolar are not nearly that advanced but realize they are improving all the time and because many FDA approved medications are approved off label for bipolar they are an increasing number of available options all the time. If you go off medication you won't become yourself again. Your symptoms will return in full as has happenned to all of us. If what you are concerned about is side effects that will improve. You can feel like yourself and still be on medication. Just remember that even if it takes some time. What you are seeking is stability without severe side effects and that is within clinical possibility if not now then in the near future. But best to stay on medication regardless as things can start to feel better when you are off treatment and then full blown manic episodes occur where you have no control. I know well myself having been through it before recovery.
There is hope, hell. ILADVOCATE, again is probably the most experienced with remission. Right now I am six months, yes, I have had a few set backs but worked through it and not gone back on antidepressants. Yes I still take lithium, a med for my thyroid because of taking lithium for a long time and an antianxiety pill.
I will NEVER BE WITHOUT some medications because I have a disorder called Bipolar 2, it is incurable and not completely understood. Know, hell, we are here and this is pretty safe for speaking your mind. Also there are NAMI and DBSA groups in most cities to have personal contact with other mental disorder people.
I will NEVER BE WITHOUT some medications because I have a disorder called Bipolar 2, it is incurable and not completely understood. Know, hell, we are here and this is pretty safe for speaking your mind. Also there are NAMI and DBSA groups in most cities to have personal contact with other mental disorder people.
I guess the point im trying to make is that before last years major episode I was an up and down girl who new no different, I enjoyed the ups and didnt think about the downs because I new they will pass. Now I have no highs and all I have is several mood changes a day being low to normalish, if I go back to being not medicated then pehaps I will go back to the up and down girl I used to be, I am 38 and went 37 years without medication. I was one of those whos BP was excelerated by use of an antidepressant, it was scarey last year and I dont want to go back to that but I am not happy where I am now, I seem to be only productive approx 3hrs a day, I go from sleeping 5 hours to sleeping 14hrs depending on my mood state, I am on a cocktail of drugs that even my doctor is not happy with he is gradually taking me off the olanzapine and then hopefully the epilim we have just started another anti physcotic drug to replace these but im sick of it all, this has been going on for two years, I hate myself and what I am at the moment, I feel worthless as a mother and a wife, I just want to go back or give up.
also I feel I was a better mother like I was before, I was more empathic, more fun and hid my lows better and this alone is killing me because I think my kids deserve better.
Think of it more as it makes your illness go into remission rather than being cured like a disease such as diabetes and it will probably seem more logical to you. Diabetes is never really cured but managed with medication so they can function.
You sound a lot like me, symptom-wise. I run low most of the time and have some hypomania highs. Although my lows were awful and lasted weeks, then I'd get a few days of hypomania. While on just an antidepressant I went manic and was delusional. Because of that, I will prob always be on meds and I'm okay with that. I'm sure this is only because my meds are working for me. I'm scared to death to go back to where I was, I hated being out of control like that. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right combination that works without too many side effects. Hang in there.
Diabetes is never cured by medication but the medication makes it possible to lead a normal life. Sort of like with bipolar, people with diabetes have huge mood swings when their blood sugar goes too high or too low, and having well controled blood glucose levels sure makes it easier to deal with them. The same is true for us.
Also, with diabetes if they do not take their insulin (mostly type 1 here,) they could die from high blood sugar. If we don't take our meds we are at much greater risk of doing something terrible like suicide or self-medicating ourselves to death with drugs or something. So, our meds do keep us alive too, although in a slightly different way.
I know you're having a rough time so I hope you feel better soon, even just a little.
Also, with diabetes if they do not take their insulin (mostly type 1 here,) they could die from high blood sugar. If we don't take our meds we are at much greater risk of doing something terrible like suicide or self-medicating ourselves to death with drugs or something. So, our meds do keep us alive too, although in a slightly different way.
I know you're having a rough time so I hope you feel better soon, even just a little.
The posts that I'm reading today are so timely for me. I had the exact same discussion with my wife last night. I just wish I could go back to when I was med free,,highs and lows that I could manage all right, then went on an anti-depressant when one of the lows lasted longer and was more severe than usual. Last night, I was considering stopping everything, leaving school (I'm in a master's program) and yada, yada, yada. Then before I went to sleep, I had decided that last night was not a good time to be making any big decisions.
I guess I need to resolve myself to be taking medicine and being a little more blah in my personality. People will get used to me I guess, huh. I'll be the most blah banjo player in Arizona!
I guess I need to resolve myself to be taking medicine and being a little more blah in my personality. People will get used to me I guess, huh. I'll be the most blah banjo player in Arizona!
You made a couple telling remarks as to what is really bothering you at the moment. You hate yourself, you feel worthless as a mother and a wife, and you feel like giving up.
You are at a good forum to vent your anger and frustrations regarding Bipolar Disorder. Most, if not all, of us are learning to manage this illness.
Having BP does not make you a terrible mother, wife, or person. It is a disease that just is. Most of the time it has been inherited. Part of the time it has become "full blown" due to triggers, or stresses in your environment or if you have suffered PTSD. But Bipolar Disorder itself does not mean you are a bad person, or worthless, or that you should just give up. This is pretty much all or nothing thinking. Black or white thinking. Life is not black or white. There is mostly gray between, where most people live "normal" lives.
For all those "normal" people, life dishes out happy and sad times and even the blah times. It dishes out serious illnesses. Happy times with new babies, or sad moments with deaths and disappointments.
Rather than beating yourself up because you have Bipolar Disorder, look at it as another challenge in your life that makes you grow into a bigger person. Cancer does this. Diabetes does this. And many other diseases and disorders do this. You are not alone with BP Disorder. This should give you some comfort. This is why we are all communicating and trying to help each other.
To help yourself to be able to be that better person, to live as "normal" in society as possible, medication may be needed. It is not a character flaw or a personality flaw. It is a chemical imbalance inside your brain, and maybe more physically as researchers learn more about it. BP is not cured. It is only managed with medications and lifestyle adjustments, and positive thoughts about it. Being angry about it is "normal". But so is taking your medications in a responsible way. When you have uncomfortable side effects, share these with your doctor so these can be better managed. But there is no reason to just stop your medications because you are angry, and just want to go back to what you had before. Remember, life is in constant change. Today is no longer yesterday.
Rogelio, taking medications doesn't make you a blah banjo player. It make change your being the "life of the party", but it won't take away your talents themselves. Medications also help one feel depression less often. Medications create "normalcy" for you. Go with the changes, remain positive, work with your doctor, enjoy your friends and family and make the best of everything you have to work with. I hope this is of some help.
You are at a good forum to vent your anger and frustrations regarding Bipolar Disorder. Most, if not all, of us are learning to manage this illness.
Having BP does not make you a terrible mother, wife, or person. It is a disease that just is. Most of the time it has been inherited. Part of the time it has become "full blown" due to triggers, or stresses in your environment or if you have suffered PTSD. But Bipolar Disorder itself does not mean you are a bad person, or worthless, or that you should just give up. This is pretty much all or nothing thinking. Black or white thinking. Life is not black or white. There is mostly gray between, where most people live "normal" lives.
For all those "normal" people, life dishes out happy and sad times and even the blah times. It dishes out serious illnesses. Happy times with new babies, or sad moments with deaths and disappointments.
Rather than beating yourself up because you have Bipolar Disorder, look at it as another challenge in your life that makes you grow into a bigger person. Cancer does this. Diabetes does this. And many other diseases and disorders do this. You are not alone with BP Disorder. This should give you some comfort. This is why we are all communicating and trying to help each other.
To help yourself to be able to be that better person, to live as "normal" in society as possible, medication may be needed. It is not a character flaw or a personality flaw. It is a chemical imbalance inside your brain, and maybe more physically as researchers learn more about it. BP is not cured. It is only managed with medications and lifestyle adjustments, and positive thoughts about it. Being angry about it is "normal". But so is taking your medications in a responsible way. When you have uncomfortable side effects, share these with your doctor so these can be better managed. But there is no reason to just stop your medications because you are angry, and just want to go back to what you had before. Remember, life is in constant change. Today is no longer yesterday.
Rogelio, taking medications doesn't make you a blah banjo player. It make change your being the "life of the party", but it won't take away your talents themselves. Medications also help one feel depression less often. Medications create "normalcy" for you. Go with the changes, remain positive, work with your doctor, enjoy your friends and family and make the best of everything you have to work with. I hope this is of some help.
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