The children are both 6 year old boys. My son is about six months older, but is smaller than the other child. My husband took my son over for a play-date that was requested by the other child, and stayed and chatted with the parents. While he was there, he discovered that the other family has different values than we do (they are borderline homophobic and mildly racist; we are not).
The mother of the other child went to check on them, and found the door shut. When she opened it, my son was on all fours, with his pants down. The other child said that my son had asked him to spank him. He also said that my son had exposed himself on their schoolbus before, which my son initally denied, but then admitted that he had one time. The other child disputed this, saying it was five times.
We tried not to over-react, but we were concerned. When asked why he did it, my son would just shrug. His only concern was whether or not he was going to be in trouble over this.
Two days later (today), the other mother came over to our house after the kids had gone to school, and told my husband that she had asked her son some more questions the day after the incident. He told her at this point that my son had asked him to stick objects in his anus (small toys of some sort). He had not done so.
Obviously, our concern is whether or not this is within normal behavior, or should we have our son evaluated to see if he might have been sexually abused at some point, or if there is any treatable problem indicated by this behavior. Our other concern is this other family. The mother made remarks to my husband that seem to me to be overreactions: she said the boys can't be in school together, and she is worried that if we have our son evaluated, that somehow Child Protective Services will come take her son away.
First and foremost, I want to figure out what to do (and what NOT to do) about my son. But I am also concerned that about this family.
Yes, you should pursue this with your son. It generally does not occur spontaneously to children to do the things he apparently did. It makes sense to have conversations with him to figure out how this all came about. As far as the other family is concerned, there's really nothing you can realistically do about them. They have their points of view and it does not sound like there is any point addressing them.
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