Aa
co-sleeping
My husband and I just got married 2 months ago. we have 7 children combined. His 6 year old being the youngest. we have to share a 3 bedroom home so his 6 yr old son or my 16 year old son do not have a bedroom. My son sleeps in the living room on the couch. His son, 6 years old, had always slept with him since his first divorce (3 years). We talked about his son sleeping with us before we got married and he agreed we would gradually break him from sleping with us. Every since we got married in mid January 2008, his son has slept with us (and in the middle) every night that we have had him on our weekends/spring break. I have talked to my husband about it 3 times because it really bothers me and I feel like it is causing a wall between us. He says "he is only 6 and they are only little once and he doesnt have a bedroom" I dont agree with this and need advice. His son is a very very mature 6 year old and I know he will adapt well. He doesnt sleep with his mom or her husband, so why should he sleep with us when he is at our house? I think as often as his kids are over at our house his son can sleep with one of his sisters or on the couch or make a pallet. I just don't think it is healthy in any marriage, especially a new marriage and I think his son knows this is a way he can keep his dad from giving me any attention that he thinks he should get. What should I do? I think a parents room is for parents and should be off limits to children unless they are sick or just having a really bad night. But it should never be every night.
This discussion is related to 6 yr old sleeping with parents.
This discussion is related to 6 yr old sleeping with parents.
BabyHardiman - I do appreciate your civility, thank you for that.
Your last paragraph in this last post, though, is telling. If these were all your bio kids, the 5 year old would be welcome in your bed with the baby. I can't tell you how many pics I have of my last baby, and his 4 and 5 year old brothers all in our king bed together. Because we're a family.
The fact that you could just cry because you will have to share that time with your husband's daughter is exactly the point, precisely, that I keep harping on. This is why blended families aer so difficult. Because unlike intact families, the 5 year old isn't welcome in the bed with the baby. In a nutshell, you've illustrated what bothers me so much about blended families.
Your last paragraph in this last post, though, is telling. If these were all your bio kids, the 5 year old would be welcome in your bed with the baby. I can't tell you how many pics I have of my last baby, and his 4 and 5 year old brothers all in our king bed together. Because we're a family.
The fact that you could just cry because you will have to share that time with your husband's daughter is exactly the point, precisely, that I keep harping on. This is why blended families aer so difficult. Because unlike intact families, the 5 year old isn't welcome in the bed with the baby. In a nutshell, you've illustrated what bothers me so much about blended families.
RockRose -
"In a situation with an intact family and no chaos,"
I think you have alot of research to do before you offer advice to step-parents again.
Agiesmom -
I am not going to try to defend myself. I have a hard life that I chose and that I LOVE. This is my world and my reality, you are not in it. You say you co-sleep with your babies. Great, maybe I'd like to co-sleep with my new born... guess I can't do that because it will disrupt the 5 year olds world. We have a queen sized bed. I have a Fiancee' who works 10 long hard hours a day.. he works construction, he is tired and sore all over ALL the time. In the middle of our bed we have a 5 year old girl (and sometimes the 7 year old too) who kicks, and squirms all night long because she is hot or squished or because she just isn't sleepy yet and wants to play and talk. Next month I will have a newborn who WILL BE breastfeed. What is your suggestion here? You haven't offered me any advice as of yet. I was not planning on co-sleeping with my daughter. I plan on having her in her crib unless she is feeding. But, I would like to lie in bed with her and feel the warmth of her tiny little body so she can comfortably feed close to her mommy. The 5 year old has a mother. A very caring mother, maybe the best mother I've met. She has a loving step-father, and an abundance of toys, games, computers, tents, bicycles, she has every yard toy you can imagine and she has double everything at that. We feed her top quality food, which of course she hates so we have to give her Pediasure so she gets all the nutrients that she needs. We went the weekend before Easter and spent $240.00 on Sissy and Daddy pictures (I was not in them because I feel it is inappropriate to be in "family" photos until we are married). Yes, I am speaking of material things, and I am talking about giving her every and anything she wants. If it were not for my pushing him, those kids would not have half the structure that they have now. They were not eating at dinner before I came, they were not doing their homework, they were not brushing their teeth, and they were running wild for days without baths, and still do at their moms house. The 5 year old keeps a rash on her bottom because she refuses to bathe for her mom. She will bathe for me, I make it mandatory, and fun. Here they know they have to do things to take care of their bodies, especially being young ladies. We do all sorts of educational learning with them, I am teaching them sign language right now. I sit with our 5 year old and I play her learning computer with her to help her with her letters and numbers... she can count to 100, and know all of her colors, she knows all her ABC's and she can even tie her little shoes. I work very hard for and with these kids. I do not take away from Daddy time.. I feel VERY strongly that they need special time with their daddy. So, I do the cooking, the laundry, and the clean-up. This home functions like any other home in America, whether it is blended or not. I love and nuture those kids, but I would NEVER try to take their mothers place.
All I want is for our entire household to function in a healthy way. I am sorry if I came across defensive.. I guess RockRose and her usual comments upset me. I've got to start letting those things roll off of my back.
If you can suggest anything to help with the transition, my eyes and ears are wide open. I could just cry thinking about not being able to spend that time bonding with the baby because the 5 year old is in our bed. I fear for my baby's safety, and mine after my c-section. I just don't know what to do.
"In a situation with an intact family and no chaos,"
I think you have alot of research to do before you offer advice to step-parents again.
Agiesmom -
I am not going to try to defend myself. I have a hard life that I chose and that I LOVE. This is my world and my reality, you are not in it. You say you co-sleep with your babies. Great, maybe I'd like to co-sleep with my new born... guess I can't do that because it will disrupt the 5 year olds world. We have a queen sized bed. I have a Fiancee' who works 10 long hard hours a day.. he works construction, he is tired and sore all over ALL the time. In the middle of our bed we have a 5 year old girl (and sometimes the 7 year old too) who kicks, and squirms all night long because she is hot or squished or because she just isn't sleepy yet and wants to play and talk. Next month I will have a newborn who WILL BE breastfeed. What is your suggestion here? You haven't offered me any advice as of yet. I was not planning on co-sleeping with my daughter. I plan on having her in her crib unless she is feeding. But, I would like to lie in bed with her and feel the warmth of her tiny little body so she can comfortably feed close to her mommy. The 5 year old has a mother. A very caring mother, maybe the best mother I've met. She has a loving step-father, and an abundance of toys, games, computers, tents, bicycles, she has every yard toy you can imagine and she has double everything at that. We feed her top quality food, which of course she hates so we have to give her Pediasure so she gets all the nutrients that she needs. We went the weekend before Easter and spent $240.00 on Sissy and Daddy pictures (I was not in them because I feel it is inappropriate to be in "family" photos until we are married). Yes, I am speaking of material things, and I am talking about giving her every and anything she wants. If it were not for my pushing him, those kids would not have half the structure that they have now. They were not eating at dinner before I came, they were not doing their homework, they were not brushing their teeth, and they were running wild for days without baths, and still do at their moms house. The 5 year old keeps a rash on her bottom because she refuses to bathe for her mom. She will bathe for me, I make it mandatory, and fun. Here they know they have to do things to take care of their bodies, especially being young ladies. We do all sorts of educational learning with them, I am teaching them sign language right now. I sit with our 5 year old and I play her learning computer with her to help her with her letters and numbers... she can count to 100, and know all of her colors, she knows all her ABC's and she can even tie her little shoes. I work very hard for and with these kids. I do not take away from Daddy time.. I feel VERY strongly that they need special time with their daddy. So, I do the cooking, the laundry, and the clean-up. This home functions like any other home in America, whether it is blended or not. I love and nuture those kids, but I would NEVER try to take their mothers place.
All I want is for our entire household to function in a healthy way. I am sorry if I came across defensive.. I guess RockRose and her usual comments upset me. I've got to start letting those things roll off of my back.
If you can suggest anything to help with the transition, my eyes and ears are wide open. I could just cry thinking about not being able to spend that time bonding with the baby because the 5 year old is in our bed. I fear for my baby's safety, and mine after my c-section. I just don't know what to do.
How ironic my 4 year old daughter just removed our cat from my bed and said she needs to learn to be in her own bed I replied just like u did and she said ya just like me now that makes me feel lik Im teaching my child in an appropriate way because all she did is place milky in her bed and milky staied there if u teach them they will try to teach others this does work for me but ur right to each there own
Maybe it's ur dilivery ur a little harsh ur self and kind of rude at that. I apoligize im not a very good typer or speller but here I will take my time ur home is on a foundation correct and with out that foundation when it rains ur home will sink or slide down hill. So in comparrison if u do not put ur relationship first and show ur children who runs the house and makes the rules. Then u will have more arguments about the children and how to disipline them which causes more tension in ur home and if the children do not want u to be with one another like u said above. When they here u arguing about them they feel as if they have one by causing a rucus. This whole forum is about helping others and looking at things from a different view not to be SNIDE your self and snotty that is not fair if ur frustrated and can't understand it to act like that It doesn't feel good to treat others like that and it doesn't make them feel good either. Trust me my mom dated every man in the world and I was drug around sooo I know what it's like to be the child in the middle and trust me if I didn't like a guy he was out I threw a fit and stired up **** as that's what kid's do especially when they have no boundries set in the beginning because my mom treated me like her friend and it didn;t get her very far
Maybe it's ur dilivery ur a little harsh ur self and kind of rude at that. I apoligize im not a very good typer or speller but here I will take my time ur home is on a foundation correct and with out that foundation when it rains ur home will sink or slide down hill. So in comparrison if u do not put ur relationship first and show ur children who runs the house and makes the rules. Then u will have more arguments about the children and how to disipline them which causes more tension in ur home and if the children do not want u to be with one another like u said above. When they here u arguing about them they feel as if they have one by causing a rucus. This whole forum is about helping others and looking at things from a different view not to be SNIDE your self and snotty that is not fair if ur frustrated and can't understand it to act like that It doesn't feel good to treat others like that and it doesn't make them feel good either. Trust me my mom dated every man in the world and I was drug around sooo I know what it's like to be the child in the middle and trust me if I didn't like a guy he was out I threw a fit and stired up **** as that's what kid's do especially when they have no boundries set in the beginning because my mom treated me like her friend and it didn;t get her very far
Ribriane, you are in a different position from the OP, I believe.
In a situation with an intact family and no chaos, children should be expected to usually sleep in their own beds, as a matter of habit.
The original poster is in a blended family and the boy is only there for weekends (maybe everyother weekend, I couldn't tell) and he doesn't have any space in the house that is his, even the boy who lives there full time doesn't have a place.
Rules of thumb don't always work - looking at this boy's situation, from a divorced family visiting his dad in a house that doesn't have adequate space for everyone, and BOTH the dad and boy want to sleep together - that's a different issue.
In a situation with an intact family and no chaos, children should be expected to usually sleep in their own beds, as a matter of habit.
The original poster is in a blended family and the boy is only there for weekends (maybe everyother weekend, I couldn't tell) and he doesn't have any space in the house that is his, even the boy who lives there full time doesn't have a place.
Rules of thumb don't always work - looking at this boy's situation, from a divorced family visiting his dad in a house that doesn't have adequate space for everyone, and BOTH the dad and boy want to sleep together - that's a different issue.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Child Behavior Community
Fearing autism, many parents aren't vaccinating their kids. Can doctors reverse this dangerous trend?
Is a gluten-free diet right for you?
We answer your top questions about the flu vaccine.
Learn which over-the-counter medicines are safe for you and your baby
Yummy eats that will keep your child healthy and happy
Healing home remedies for common ailments
