co-sleeping

[concerned_stepmom]

My husband and I just got married 2 months ago.  we have 7 children combined.  His 6 year old being the youngest.  we have to share a 3 bedroom home so his 6 yr old son or my 16 year old son do not have a bedroom.  My son sleeps in the living room on the couch.  His son, 6 years old, had always slept with him since his first divorce (3 years).  We talked about his son sleeping with us before we got married and he agreed we would gradually break him from sleping with us.  Every since we got married in mid January 2008, his son has slept with us (and in the middle) every night that we have had him on our weekends/spring break.  I have talked to my husband about it 3 times because it really bothers me and I feel like it is causing a wall between us. He says "he is only 6 and they are only little once and he doesnt have a bedroom"  I dont agree with this and need advice.  His son is a very very mature 6 year old and I know he will adapt well.  He doesnt sleep with his mom or her husband, so why should he sleep with us when he is at our house?  I think as often as his kids are over at our house his son can sleep with one of his sisters or on the couch or make a pallet.  I just don't think it is healthy in any marriage, especially a new marriage and I think his son knows this is a way he can keep his dad from giving me any attention that he thinks he should get.  What should I do?  I think a parents room is for parents and should be off limits to children unless they are sick or just having a really bad night.  But it should never be every night.


This discussion is related to 6 yr old sleeping with parents.

[concerned_stepmom]

I recommended a air mattress or a cot.  He said it's an idea.  But you still cant be "alone" with another child in the room.  You know what I mean?  So Last night he was finally going to have him sleep with his sisters.  His son was cool with that...I thought. So We went to bed.  We were going to have "quality" time in our own bed for the first time in almost 2 weeks without him being in our bed and he walked in on us.  This is what I am talking about.  He walked in our room 4 times!  catching us the last time.  I hate that because what does that tell your children?  does it give them a visual for a long time catcing your parents in action?   his son finally got his way to sleep with us again and we never got to take care of business.  We have to have our alone time as well.  Well, we will seee how tonight goes.

[Agiesmom]

Boy...those were some amazing conclusions to which you jumped.  Very silly.

I stand by my post.

[FreeSpirit4Life]

what if he slept on a air matress on his dads side of the bed and then you could either keep him there or slowly move him somewhere else but its baby steps not a huge leap and then u dont feel as un comfortable its kind of a compramise

[BabyHardiman]

So exactly how long do you think it is appropriate for a child to co-sleep with their parents??  No matter if it's in a home that has step-parents on or in a home that has the bio dad and mom?  What?  Until they are teenagers?  Just let them decide when it's time to sleep in their own beds?  Do you feel that a child should run a household?  Do you feel that the children should make the rules?  And what about a house that has more than one child, a home that has to see to multiple childrens needs?  Should the other children suffer because there is one insecure child?  This is not only a problem for step-parents.. my brother and sister-n-law have the same problem with their youngest.  

In order to have a happy healthy home the parents MUST be able to function as a team.  Without the captains the team would crumble, and lose.  Kids need boundries, as well as their own space.  Kids at some point need to be taught how to be independent, and not co-dependent.  Wouldn't you agree?

[Agiesmom]

I'm with your husband.  They're only young once, he's used to sleeping with his dad, and he probably feels very insecure and probably not overjoyed over the situation.

I've always believed that kids should come first--despite the adults' wants, needs, desires, etc.  But many people post here complaining about their step-children and how the child/children are making their lives unbearable.  Kids don't have the same experience or coping skills as adults and to expect them to conform when they are likely feeling insecure and unhappy is not reasonable.  And they didn't sign up for this two-home, back and forth life--it was created for them.

Try pushing the bed up against the wall on your husband's side of the bed and have your husband sleep in the middle if you feel left out.

[Mommy3Girls]

Gosh, this is tough. I would say you both need to sit down with your fiance/husband and tell them once more that it has to stop. If you have to look online or call a child psychologist or counselore and ask them what the effects of co sleeping at these ages can do to a child. It may not be harmful, but then again, there may be some effects that could be discouraging to your spouses. Good luck to you both.